How soon after the passing of a spouse will the military deploy you?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 14 May 2021 20:47:18 -0400

My unit is activated oct 21- oct 22. My husband passed away this morning in a terrible wreck. Will I still be forced to deploy? He left me and his 2 year old daughter behind.

Response by SSG Samuel Kermon made May 14 at 2021 9:03 PM

SSG Samuel Kermon — Fri, 14 May 2021 21:03:18 -0400

Saddened for your loss. I don't know but I can pray for you asking God to give you peace and understanding.

Response by PO3 Phyllis Maynard made May 14 at 2021 9:13 PM

PO3 Phyllis Maynard — Fri, 14 May 2021 21:13:02 -0400

SPC Private RallyPoint Member have you called your command chaplain? The chaplains are a good resource to help one navigate through tragedy.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 14 at 2021 9:27 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 14 May 2021 21:27:36 -0400

I am sorry. My condolences to you. Do you want to stay in the military? Have you been contacted by a Casualty Assistance Officer? My humble advice is to focus on the close fight which is the funeral and financial loose ends for now. The deployment is the deep fight.

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made May 14 at 2021 10:35 PM

CPT Aaron Kletzing — Fri, 14 May 2021 22:35:04 -0400

You and your family are in my prayers. Everyone here on RallyPoint is here for you.

Response by MAJ Byron Oyler made May 14 at 2021 10:44 PM

MAJ Byron Oyler — Fri, 14 May 2021 22:44:29 -0400

Condolences on your loss. Five months is more than enough for you to get ready to deploy if you want and the simple fact of your loss will not stop deployment. What can stop it is a family care plan and you must have one now being a single parent. You in all likelihood can separate if you wish and taking care of you right now is what is important. A couple things to remember, you are young and if you need to separate now you can likely resume a military career when you are ready and second this is a huge loss and if leaving this child is not in your best interest then avoid deploying. There is no shame in taking care of yourself and putting the child first. You did not decide to be in this position nor could you avoid it and taking care of your mental health first and foremost. If you were my soldier, you would need to convince me that deploying you was the right thing and that might take five months and I would not be a commander that pushes you to go.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 14 at 2021 11:24 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 14 May 2021 23:24:11 -0400

You're going to need to sit down with your Command and have a discussion with them. Besides dealing with the process of burying your husband, you will now have to get a family care plan. It's a requirement for single parents. I can't remember the reg. Your Commander will have to counsel you on this. If you do not get one created, you could face administrative actions. That being said, get with your Commander time now and have this discussion. Who knows, perhaps the Commander can strike you from the deployment roster.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made May 14 at 2021 11:25 PM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Fri, 14 May 2021 23:25:37 -0400

I'm so sorry for your loss. Work with your Command and your Unit Chaplain to ensure you have all the tools and resources needed during this difficult time. If you are looking for an order or policy with a set amount of dwell time after a death in the family I doubt you will find a specific number of months. The leadership team will do the best they can to help you navigate everything and also establish a family care plan. Good luck

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 14 at 2021 11:34 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 14 May 2021 23:34:08 -0400

There is a loss of spouse stabilization that the Army has. I believe it is one year. I don't have the reference but I do know the Army has it. You'll have to find the reference and submit the stabilization to your branch. Usually it's just a 4187. I would start by looking at MILPER messages on HRC. I think it was released in the last 2-3 years. You could also try looking on the HRC website, there may be a web page dedicated to it as well.

Although, the easiest thing will be to just have a talk with your Commander about being on the Rear Deployment team.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made May 15 at 2021 1:11 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Sat, 15 May 2021 01:11:23 -0400

That is extremely tragic SPC Private RallyPoint Member that you husband was killed on May 14, 2021 in a vehicle wreck.
In addition to the grief you are going through your 2-year-old daughter is grieving what she does not yet understand and has questions for you which no doubt are difficult to answer. Your daughter needs your love, hugs and kisses especially when she is very upset.
My friend and sister-in-Christ PO3 Phyllis Maynard shared advice to contact the military chaplain. I would also ensure your own company commander is informed.
LORD I lift Hayler and their two-year-old daughter to YOU. I pray that YOU bless them with a large measure of love, compassion and peace as they grieve. I pray that mother and daughter will grow closer in the wake of this tragedy. I pray that you and your daughter will be to rest and that you will allow her to come to bed with you if she needs to.
By the power and authority of the name above all names, Jesus the Christ

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made May 15 at 2021 5:47 AM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Sat, 15 May 2021 05:47:15 -0400

Start talking to your command now. Do you have legal custody? Did you adopt this child or are you in process? All that will probably impact the situation.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your brothers and sisters hered are praying for you.

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made May 15 at 2021 10:03 AM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Sat, 15 May 2021 10:03:36 -0400

Soldiers who experience the death of a spouse will be allowed to remain at their home station for at least 12 months under a new Army policy already in effect.
The policy, put forth in a March 31 memo from acting Army Secretary Patrick Murphy, also allows grieving soldiers to request an additional 12 months at their location. A 2012 memo from then-Army Secretary John McHugh allowed soldiers to request a 24-month stabilization, but did not guarantee any portion of that request would be granted.

To qualify for these special assignment procedures, soldiers should make stabilization extension or termination requests through their chain of command to the Commander, U.S. Army Human Resources command, 1600 Spearhead Ave., Fort Knox, KY 40122-5100.

The new policy, Secretary of the Army Directive No. 2016-13, will be incorporated into the next revisions of Army Regulations 135-18 (Active Guard and Reserve Program), 614-100 (Officer Assignment Policies) and 614-200 (Enlisted Assignments and Utilization Management).

https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2016/04/05/army-offers-new-benefit-for-grieving-soldiers/

Army offers new benefit for grieving soldiers

Senior Army leaders sign off on new policy to provide stability to troops during period of extreme hardship.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 15 at 2021 10:58 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 15 May 2021 10:58:14 -0400

I am sorry for your loss. At the moment you can't deploy due to your lack of a family care plan. You are now a single parent. You will have to address this. They can't make you deploy now that you are a single parent. Generally, all Soldiers who have dependents and are either single or must have a Family Care Plan. The requirement for a Family Care Plan applies to both Active and Reserve Component Soldiers, regardless of grade. AR 600-20, paragraph 5-5b, lists the specific categories of Soldiers for whom a Family Care Plan is mandatory.

First, you need to take care of yourself. You need to plan for the transition to your new life. Then you can focus on your future. Without a family care plan you can't deploy. I would talk to your unit's leadership. If I was your commander I would look at what options that best suite you. You may want to continue to serve or you may decide to focus on a new path. Either way you need to focus on the your transition right now.

Response by SFC Randy Hellenbrand made May 15 at 2021 3:09 PM

SFC Randy Hellenbrand — Sat, 15 May 2021 15:09:04 -0400

My condolences. We will keep the faith with you.

Response by LT Brad McInnis made May 15 at 2021 6:20 PM

LT Brad McInnis — Sat, 15 May 2021 18:20:00 -0400

I am sorry for you and your family. The best people to talk to are the Chaplains. They have all the latest info/regs on this stuff. They will talk to you and help you regardless of whether you go to services. I always asked the base chaplain when my sailors had family issues.

Response by SrA Jeff Tomczak made May 17 at 2021 11:10 PM

SrA Jeff Tomczak — Mon, 17 May 2021 23:10:42 -0400

Sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences.

Response by SMSgt Bob Wilson made May 18 at 2021 12:51 AM

SMSgt Bob Wilson — Tue, 18 May 2021 00:51:41 -0400

It is a process. Who do you want to take care of you daughter? Do you have the legal documents--POAs? How is the transportation arranged for your your daughter to go to the guardians? Who will take care of the child during short term [such as a rapid deployment]? These are just a few questions you will need help with. As Hayley said, the command chaplain is a great place to start, then, the JAG office. I am sorry for your loss.