Parents, how do you get through deployment while being separated from your children?

PO1 Shahida Marmol — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 12:14:43 -0400

Being away from them is definitely the hardest part of my job. It also helps me focus on work, so that I am not a big crybaby the whole time. Everything I do is for them. Thank God for technology!

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 4 at 2015 12:17 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 12:17:29 -0400

Thinking about your loves ones back home is what gets you through deployments.

Response by PO2 William Smith made Jul 4 at 2015 12:32 PM

PO2 William Smith — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 12:32:18 -0400

I agree with MSgt Borders. Family reunions definitely were what get me sane while deployed.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Jul 4 at 2015 12:36 PM

SFC Stephen King — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 12:36:39 -0400

Show them the good. Be cognitive of their feelings while your gone.

I tell people to keep their family involved. Explain that you will be gone but while your gone let them plan what vacation or purchase they want and it will help pass the time.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 4 at 2015 1:09 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 13:09:02 -0400

You think about them, send them some surprises and cards and pictures every so often. Luckily we have the internet and plenty of communications to also have real time conversations when we can. On the flip side you try to bury yourself in work and extra circular activities so the limited down time does not get too lonely.

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Jul 4 at 2015 1:18 PM

COL Mikel J. Burroughs — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 13:18:42 -0400

PO1 Shahida Marmol Great question! It is always tough to be away from your children for over 12 month period during a deployment. I just sent them emails when I could and made sure that I sent them letters asking about their month and what they were up to in school, etc. My youngest daughter actually spent some in the hospital when she fell off a trampoline and broke here femur - it was tough not to be there for her, but I got pictures of her in the hospital with a big cast all the way up her leg. The reunion when you get back is unforgettable. Now they are off to college and I get to see them once or twice a year again. It’s just the same when I see them - a real reunion.

Response by SGT Mark Rhodes made Jul 4 at 2015 3:45 PM

SGT Mark Rhodes — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 15:45:20 -0400

It is tough but keeping them in your thoughts and prayers helps you get through it. Just don't let it get you distracted keep your mind on the tasks and keep them in mind so you stay focused and get home safely to them. Good luck and keep safe if you are deployed or are fixing to be deployed.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 4 at 2015 7:07 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 19:07:26 -0400

Although we used technology, I like the vintage paper and pen. It seemed fun to get a letter from mom. My husband also planned a lot of day trips to keep the girls (yes, 3 girls) engaged and on track until R&R and the end of deployment. Also FRG which were run mostly by men was amazing. They planned trips together and established new friendships.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 4 at 2015 7:58 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 19:58:44 -0400

He would ask me repeatedly how long will you be gone. I finally told him x # days and a wake up. I asked him if he could keep track. This way he had something to look forward to and each day meant we were getting closer to seeing each other.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 4 at 2015 8:01 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 20:01:58 -0400

That is a great question. I am on my second deployment while being a parent. My daughter is almost 7. But I would try as hard as you can to still be a part of their life. I bought a pack of cards for different occasions and use them when needed. So when a birthday comes around I have a card on the way. Or when they are sick I can send a get well card. Email is great but giving them something tangible is best. They will feel the connection since it came from you. Call often and spend time talking to them. Also send them stuff. I am in the Middle East so I can buy stuff and send it home. One day my daughter told me wife that I love her more because I send her more stuff than my I send my wife. I wife loved it. My daughter really felt loved and that I was giving her all the attention I could. Still playing a significant role is crucial. Just because we aren't there doesn't be we can't still be parents.

Response by SPC Brandon Wilson made Jul 5 at 2015 5:58 AM

SPC Brandon Wilson — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 05:58:48 -0400

I spent the first 4 years of my sons life deployed. Gut wrenching every time I came home and had to watch him run down the driveway in his diapers arms out and crying. Still saddens me 5 years later. The best thing that helped me cope was my internet connection and Skype. When I had no internet I called home either on my cell phone. Amazing how good the reception is with AT&T, the bills were with the ability to communicate and tell my son and wife I love them and thinking of them.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2015 9:41 AM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 09:41:04 -0400

Technology is great! With some kids, you can play online games with them which includes chat and sometimes voice programs. There are activities hosted in some MWR areas when you can get a DVD of yourself reading a book to your child. Skype and messenger programs keeps eye-to-eye contact available. Then there is the oldest method: free mail out of a deployment area. Writing letters not only feels cathartic but it also starts a family record. Someday a great-grandchild will get to know you through these letters.

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Jul 6 at 2015 5:55 AM

SCPO David Lockwood — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 05:55:45 -0400

Lots of correspondnace. I used to read to them on video and send to them about twice a month. My commands had a video system set up in the library. But Communication is what got me through. I have to tell you that the first time I was deployed after my daughter was born she was a bout 2. The first port we hit I found a payphone and called my wife and talked to my daughter. She started to cry and told me that she wanted me home. That brought tears to a guy who didn't cry much. After that I made sure that I communicated with them as often as I could. It's not easy being away but it made it barable.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 6 at 2015 6:00 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 06:00:42 -0400

I mostly focused on my job, and other responsibilities.

In my down time, Skype, writing letters, sketching, and coloring pictures to send them.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 6 at 2015 8:02 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 08:02:24 -0400

Oh yeah. The USO had a program where you could make a video of you reading to your kids too.

If it is still available, I highly recommend it!

Response by SPC Carson S. made Jul 6 at 2015 8:50 AM

SPC Carson S. — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 08:50:10 -0400

It so much easier to keep in contact now than it was in the beginning of the war, depending on where you are located. In the beginning, mail was slow, the satellite phone only came around every few weeks, and there was no Internet (and when there was, it was always unreliable and definitely not fast enough for more than email and IM). Now, there is Skype, Facebook, Twitter, reliable call centers and mail systems, and sometimes even cell phones. You have to remember to use these tools, which can be hard when the mission is in full swing, but they definitely help to make the time away not as bad. I would recommend still writing letters, though. It gives the kids something to look forward to, or it is a pleasant surprise when they get a letter. Besides, it is something they can pull out and read whenever they wish, something tangible.

Response by SSG Ed Mikus made Jul 6 at 2015 9:33 AM

SSG Ed Mikus — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 09:33:05 -0400

I give my best effort to do some sort of video call every day. Glide, Skype or something

Response by SSG Aubrey Smith made Jul 6 at 2015 12:52 PM

SSG Aubrey Smith — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 12:52:22 -0400

It's your children that motivates you to make it through, as with any love one you leave behind, we do all in our power to make it back to them.

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Nov 13 at 2015 2:49 PM

PO1 Glenn Boucher — Fri, 13 Nov 2015 14:49:54 -0500

Back in the 80's and 90's we didn't have the technology of emails for everyone on the ship and letters were the only communication really. And not to sound crass but I didn't really think too much on them because I knew that between my wife, her sister and my mother in law that everything was going to be okay at home. Post deployment is the hardest because of having to reintegrate and not change up the routine.

Response by SN Kevin Neff made Aug 7 at 2016 4:42 AM

SN Kevin Neff — Sun, 07 Aug 2016 04:42:53 -0400

Although I haven't been deployed, I've been away from my son for about half of his 5 year old life due to his mother and I living in different parts of the country. I think being on a deployment for me wouldn't be as hard since I've already experienced long periods of separation from him. Hope that helps.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 13 at 2016 6:26 AM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Oct 2016 06:26:48 -0400

I try to FaceTime them every night, go over their homework with them, talk about their day, admonish them when needed, talk about stuff we'll do when I get back, explain why I am gone, watch their dances, run races "with" them... and anything else I can think of. Especially try to give them something to look forward to when I return though.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 9 at 2017 11:06 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 09 Nov 2017 11:06:52 -0500

Underway at sea is a bit different than deployed overseas. Internet and technology isnt as fast or available at sea as on land, dependent on sattellite location, usage amount, etc. One ship i was deployed on was great, since it was a fleet command ship and naturally had lots of comms. Another ship, when we got a day from land, we dropped to almost zero internet. Just, no sattellites. So, for me, my PC, tablet, digital photo frame, etc. had a series of pictures that were very important to me (about 1000) that cycled through. I wrote letters, lots of letters, and mailed them at interesting port calls. A Chief had bought a sattellite phone, and let some folks use it (even then, there was very little service). A countdown, not only til the end of the deployment, but with significant days (x days to McMurdo, x days til crossing the line, etc.) Videos of the kids and wife. Those were only for the end of the day, so I wouldnt be pining away and useless. And honestly, just kept busy. At least for my style of ministry, there was always something to do. And vowing that my son wont have to follow in my footsteps. Now that we have another kid on the way, alot may be different, and i’ll have to find something else, but theres a few thoughts.