Parents: What are sustains and improves you would recommend for raising a child during your military service?

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 15 Apr 2016 19:48:26 -0400

My first child is due in July, a daughter. Throughout my almost 12 years in the military, I have seen some very impressive military children... and some that act out in a very negative way. What things have you done, or did not do, that you recommend for raising a healthy child for the remainder of my military career. What things are you proud of, or what do you regret that you could have done?

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Apr 15 at 2016 9:20 PM

Capt Mark Strobl — Fri, 15 Apr 2016 21:20:17 -0400

CPT Private RallyPoint Member - Army brats are only different in that they change zip codes every two/three years --and tend to make friends much more easily than their civilian counterparts. But, you asked. So, here's an easy recipe:
1.) Encourage & Support Them
2.) Define & Enforce Boundaries
3.) Love Them
If all fails, just focus on point #3. Congratulations --to both you & the misses!

Response by PO3 Michael James made Apr 15 at 2016 9:37 PM

PO3 Michael James — Fri, 15 Apr 2016 21:37:22 -0400

SFC Horn, Sir; Hug, Hug, Hug them... Tell them you LOVE them... does Not cost a penny.. Carries millions in beneficial returns ..

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Apr 16 at 2016 8:32 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 08:32:05 -0400

Be aware of their friends and surroundings. Focus on education and Team events, whether sports or other active programs. Talk to them often and as they grow ensure you are an ear that listens and bends when appropriate as they grow. If they or their friends begin to shift try to pull them both back getting involved with their Family. This shows the kids that you care more deeply than most. Be prepared to be the bad guy when friendships cannot be salvaged. Save for college (they will need it), make them work and do chores at appropriate ages. Set values early, tattoo's no tattoo's, alcohol, how long you let them linger in the latest fad, push off fads that affect a lifetime. The value of a buck and the importance of what you have and respecting other peoples property. Be as present as possible, find the balance with your spouse and lastly you have to work through issues with your spouse before deciding which way your child goes in any situation. If there is a faith involved all I can say is do not present as hypocritical. "BE THERE"

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Apr 16 at 2016 10:02 AM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 10:02:39 -0400

Old Military Saying "Don't Pet the Sweaty Stuff and Don't Sweat the Petty Stuff" that you even ask tells me you're already a Head and Shoulders above the rest. Like PO3 Michael James says let them know you love them. We are all just a lovely Mix of Genetics and External Influences, You can't control everything but do the best with what you can control. You are in for some serious Sleepless Nights but a lot of Fun in the End. The Special Treat is when you get to be a Grandpa like me.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 11:49 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 11:49:45 -0400

I got out because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to see my son grow up. It's all in how you go raise your child. If they act out then there needs to be some type of communication established with your child and yourself as a parent. Once the communication is applied, there is usually an improvement. Those children who act out, are either needing attention, discipline is not made or communication with your child isn't really there.

This is just my opinon; I'm not an expert on how someone should raise children. This is just based on my experience from having a child and seeing other children with military parents.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 11:57 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 11:57:08 -0400

Demonstrate love and respect for your wife. Children absorb that example if done well. Laugh as often as possible and listen the rest of the time.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Apr 16 at 2016 1:42 PM

CPT Joseph K Murdock — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 13:42:39 -0400

My problem is my wife was an effing witch who had no parenting skills.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 1:45 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 13:45:23 -0400

CPT Private RallyPoint Member: It's very simple, I believe. Not knowing your occupational duties, crew status, etc., you will always have your military obligations, at least until you retire. You'll have away time from your family that you cannot control. What you CAN control is how much time you devout to them when you are home. Either they are the center of your off-duty universe, or they are not. Make the best of those days, and all should be well. Good Luck, and congratulations on your new little princess.

I was not raise by a military father. My Dad was a "career" minister. I was a preacher's kid. For the most part, that's "supposed to be" a fairly stable and positive environment. But, as a missionary, my Dad was gone a great deal of the time. Fifty years removed from that arena, I can only count on one hand the times I remember my Dad and I doing something together while I was still at home. When I am done counting, I have four fingers left over. Don't let that happen to you. Everyone loses.................................................every one.

My father passed away five years ago.........and I never had children.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 1:56 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 13:56:00 -0400

My dad did 30 years in the army and I honestly resented being a military brat even though I went to some cool places and seen amazing things. Always be there for them, always make time for them. When you move and the only people they know is you and mom, you need to constantly support them until they're brave enough to make it on their own in a new school and area. My dad would be tired coming home and ignoring us or going to command functions leaving us behind so it made the transition that much harder. Reassurance is key. The kid may look all excited to be going to a new place but that wears off quick. Just be sure to pay attention if they start get moody and quiet. Always make time to hang etc
Good luck!

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Apr 16 at 2016 6:54 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 18:54:20 -0400

You will influence your kid more than you think. So work on unloading "MilCrap" before you get within a mile of home. Your wife and kid are a bigger priority than you anyways. Now you're receptive to participating in the growing process. Keep a pocket camera ready because they'll squirt toothpaste into interesting places and it's good to show them their antics post teen. If you feel uncomfortable, get counseling. If you question your love, get counseling. I grew up in a bad situation so had lots of baggage to unload when we adopted. Relish the journey. We all regret the time away but the hugs on the rebound are the best!

Response by SPC Rosina Thomas made Apr 16 at 2016 11:26 PM

SPC Rosina Thomas — Sat, 16 Apr 2016 23:26:52 -0400

For duel military having one person or back up to care for the children while deployed was critical. I know I put my children in counseling before so we could work on strategies to ease their anxiety. I am proud that me and my husband did do it and our children are great. It is hard on the children they are emotionally learning and life is changing. For us the second round we left together I did not allow them to watch the news and they did much better without the negativity all the bad that could happen. I also had things for them to do so this keeps them busy. The only thing I regret with my children Is when my there DAD who was abusive and proven in court to not have contact. Stole them from a School and it took me 6 months to find them and bring them home. My command was useless to help me and did not care about my situation and told me to do my job. So when we got that straight and I had the situation better prepared for was not as bad. However when I was injured overseas they were not in a hurry to send me back and have the issues addressed but they were quick to turn and burn me on the way out of a medical discharge. They were so quick and helpful to kick me to the curb that they took my awards earned during deployment and my rank I was supposed to receive. We did the best we knew how and I do not regret it, I do regret how my unit treated me so badly and I gave them 110 all the time. I have too say that neither one of my children want to join which we found sad but to them we were always gone and we could of died, and we almost did, so for them they don't want to be there again. I will say that both my girls are very clingy still, but we always do things to show we love them while here or gone. We read books and gave them to them over the deployment, pre-written notes in the lunch boxes stuff that mattered to them. I have see kids react all kinds of ways but I try not to judge because I don't know the whole picture for them. Let them talk about how they see things and what they are feeling, then later you can say what if the situation is not how it is perceived. Think of it we have had 20 years to learn to deal with our emotions they are not there yet. I would also recommend date nights with each child for both parents because this is the moments they will remember most.

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made Apr 19 at 2016 12:51 AM

PO3 Sherry Thornburg — Tue, 19 Apr 2016 00:51:07 -0400

As a military brat, I can mention a few things. 1) transfer support is needed. Let the kids in on the planning and research into new locations. Don't spring it on them last minute. 2) Pets are things kids become very attached to. Don't dump your pets (give away) at every transfer. It damages a child's sense of security and will cause resentment. 3) Encourage independence and build up self-esteem and self-worth. Watch for changes. These things can take a beating when moving and changing schools often. I considered it a great benefit that I grew up a military brat, but it could also be tough and full of uncertainties. Keep it an adventure and keep the core family unity strong. A child growing up in the services really has no one else but their siblings and parents.