Remember to appreciate your military spouses

2015-02-23T12:21:24-05:00

I’ve been in the Army for 24 years. For some of it, I have been married and for some of it, I haven’t been married. One thing I did have constantly while serving was someone else who was serving with me - be it a spouse or a family member or both. Without starting a big active duty vs. reserve component fight, I will say that being a reservist has unique challenges that active duty does not. Active duty personnel have a set schedule in garrison, while reservists tend to have to do much of their work in evenings and weekends - prime family time. It’s time they want to spend with you, but instead it turns into time you’ll spend away from them. Thank them for this, and thank them often. It’s a strain on them.

I was married to my late wife for ten years. I met her in the Army, and we served together for a bit before she left the service herself. For three of those ten years, I was on active duty. For the rest of it, I was actively drilling in the reserve component. There were many weddings, birthdays, cookouts and parties she had to attend by herself. She was strong when I was gone, and she knew the procedure. If she wanted to go on a trip or vacation together, she would first need to consult my schedule. I couldn’t make the trip while I had annual training or monthly battle assembly. And then, even if we could get away, there was a possibility that I could get a call and have to respond to a situation. She sometimes would make it a point to tell me how this would make her unhappy. There were other times that she would tell me how proud of me she was that I was able to attain what I had and that my job, while inconvenient, was very important to the country.

After my wife passed, I served alone for a while. I had regrets. One thing I was sure of was that she served just as honorably as I did, even though she was not on active duty. She stood by my side at unit functions as the First Sergeant’s wife, and later as the Sergeant Major’s wife. She managed the house when I was off on whatever adventure the Army decided to send me on. She kept crises from me when I was not in the position to help so that I wouldn’t feel bad I wouldn’t be able to head home to take care of things. She was my hero. If you have a spouse like this, make sure you hug them, and thank them. They contribute to your successes.

I recently had my company organizational day. We had the token Disney characters there, and Santa was also there to greet the families. We had the pleasure of a distinguished visitor who talked to the soldiers and families. My new wife and children were in attendance. I, however, had to split my time between Battalion business and making sure my family was taken care of. Though I do have guilt about not being with them as much as I should, my wife told me she understood and the kids had a great time getting presents and meeting a princess, and for that I thank her.

What things do you do to thank your significant other for letting you serve? How do you make it up to your family?

Response by CPT Zachary Brooks made Feb 23 at 2015 12:27 PM

2015-02-23T12:27:07-05:00

I will have to direct my wife to this. Show her she is appreciated.

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Feb 23 at 2015 12:29 PM

2015-02-23T12:29:29-05:00

Thank you for sharing CSM David Heidke and all too often people forget this.

Response by MSG Kirt Highberger made Feb 23 at 2015 12:30 PM

2015-02-23T12:30:31-05:00

I have and do every chance I get for the last 38 years.
She's my first Battle Buddy and I will love her forever.

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Feb 23 at 2015 12:42 PM

2015-02-23T12:42:08-05:00

A beautiful tribute to whom I know was a wonderful person.

I am blessed to be married to a wonderful woman who was fully supportive of me and my career. She was the consummate military wife, able to juggle multiple things without ever letting one drop. I did not realize how blessed I was until after I retired and looked back on my career. I am so grateful to her for the sacrifices she made for my soldiers and their families, my unit and me. I just wish I had recognized it more at the time and thanked her more.

Response by SFC Boots Attaway made Feb 23 at 2015 12:54 PM

2015-02-23T12:54:07-05:00

My wife know every day how much I appreciate and love her.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Feb 23 at 2015 1:39 PM

2015-02-23T13:39:55-05:00

Well said.
29 years service
24 of those married

To say i could not have done it without her is a bit of embellishment, but I can say it would not have been nearly as easy or enjoyable.

And I'm sure I would not trade her, or her and the life I had for anything else.

Response by MSgt Rob Weston made Feb 23 at 2015 2:29 PM

2015-02-23T14:29:49-05:00

Mama is Texan, there is no enemy that can compare to when the wife is not happy

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2015 3:00 PM

2015-02-23T15:00:45-05:00

A Military Wife

Lots of moving...
Moving...
Moving...
Moving far from home...
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog...all riding with HER of course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house;
Moving curtains that won't fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.

Often waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions.
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
Waiting for him to come home, For dinner...AGAIN!

They call her 'Military Dependent', but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent.

She can balance a check book;
Handle the yard work;
Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet...
She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes;
Sell a house;
Buy a car;
Or set up a move... .....all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
She reinvents her career with every PCS;
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
And learns to call them all 'home'.
She MAKES them all home.

Military Wives are somewhat hasty...
They leap into:
Decorating,
Leadership,
Volunteering,
Career alternatives,
Churches,
And friendships. They don't have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
They connect over coffee,
Rely on the spouse network,
Accept offers of friendship and favors.
Record addresses in pencil...

Military Wives have a common bond:
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is unique.
He doesn't have a 'JOB'
He has a 'MISSION' that he can't just decide to quit...
He's on-call for his country 24/7.
But for her, he's the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign
TDY
PCS
OPR
SOS
ACC
BDU
ACU
BAR
CIB
TAD
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long- distance link to keep them informed;
the glue that holds them together.

A Military Wife has her moments:
She wants to wring his neck;
Dye his uniform pink;
Refuse to move to Siberia;
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days,
A travel brochure,
A long hot bath,
A pledge to the flag,
A wedding picture,
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.

Why?
What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man,
Who puts duty first,
Who longs to deploy,
Who salutes the flag,
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband,
She will remain his military wife.
And would have it no other way
--Author Unknown

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2015 3:09 PM

2015-02-23T15:09:19-05:00

I agree wholeheartedly, CSM. I have been deployed for a cumulative total of about 40 months, and my wife was there for every single one of them. I am lucky; she is a blessing to be able to sacrifice and hold down the fort when I am away, and hold me down when I am home.

Response by GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad made Feb 23 at 2015 4:51 PM

2015-02-23T16:51:11-05:00

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made Feb 23 at 2015 5:33 PM

2015-02-23T17:33:39-05:00

My wife and I have been married for 19 of my 27 years of service so far (guard and active duty total). I told her that when I retire at my 20 year mark (1 Mar 16) I will follow HER. Where does SHE want to go? She has built and given up her life every time orders drop. She has kept the home operational while I am deployed. She has been the primary child raising person (I feel I do a pretty good job of contributing, but I HAVE been gone at times). While I won't say that I could not have done it without her, I WILL say that that I could not have done it as well. Without her, I would have been SO much LESS then what I am now.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Feb 23 at 2015 5:47 PM

2015-02-23T17:47:48-05:00

There are some great women, and men, who support their soldiers in ways that civilians will not, and cannot, understand. They deserve the gratitude of our entire Nation for all that they do and have given up or lost.

Then of course there are some spouses that just are...not. I would say more but my Mom taught me if there was not something good to say, then to nothing and those spouses are nothing.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2015 6:30 PM

2015-02-23T18:30:44-05:00

Being in a reserve component I definitely feel we have some unique challenges. Although we know when our weekend duty is, it's still hard to leave the family behind and go spend time away, especially when it seems that there is ALWAYS a family event on the weekend, whether it be sports, church, school, something. Never fails. I unfortunately miss my significant others birthday every summer because of AT, which she NEVER fails to harp on me for. I guess she doesn't care that I'm not able to call up NGB and get the entire summer training rescheduled!

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Feb 23 at 2015 6:32 PM

2015-02-23T18:32:22-05:00

CSM David Heidke Spouses are the pride and joy of the military. Real heroes who deserve all the accolades from our Military Leaders with the utmost respect in my opinion.

Response by SPC(P) Jay Heenan made Feb 23 at 2015 8:26 PM

2015-02-23T20:26:49-05:00

I think there should be a Federal Holiday for the military spouse and on the day, there should be free spas, facials, manicures and pedicures. Each of us owe our spouses PLENTY! When we are deployed, they are Mom, Dad, banker, maid, chauffeur, pretty much anything and everything. When we are deployed, our world becomes about the next mission, the next workout, the next Skype (if we are lucky enough). Time back home stops, for us. For our Spouses, time does not stop, life continues to happen. They have to try not to think about what is going on 'over there'. Their dreams are put on hold, careers take a back seat. Can't decorate 'their own' homes.

Once our military career is over, I think we owe it to them to place the emphasis of all of the 'what now' decisions to them. Like me, my wife wants a 100 year old house that we can restore...so she is getting her house, regardless of where that may be! I am not totally giving in, just allowing her to take the lead. We discussed what she really wanted and found an area that it can be accomplished. It is the least I can do for all that she suffered.

Response by SMSgt Judy Hickman made Feb 23 at 2015 10:38 PM

2015-02-23T22:38:59-05:00

My husband is retired military, so I like think he understand about the late hours, but how quickly they forget :). I think its really hard to find the balance between family and job. Now that my husband is retired, I love that he is always there for the kids and I don't have to stress (too much) if I have to work late or go to work early.

On the weekends I try to find special stuff to do with the kids even if its just bringing my 7 Year old to the gym with me. During the work week, I try to make it a point to take my husband to lunch at least once a week. I'm not always successful, but I try. It is a difficult balance and sometimes I feel like I never see the kids, I wake up early to go to the gym and fall in to bed exhausted, but my family understands and I love them for it.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Feb 24 at 2015 2:06 AM

2015-02-24T02:06:08-05:00

Excellent thread CSM David Heidke.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2015 2:08 AM

2015-02-24T02:08:39-05:00

All Hail Household 6!!! The best battle buddy ever!!!

Response by SSG Everett Wilson made Feb 24 at 2015 5:19 AM

2015-02-24T05:19:17-05:00

The Military Wife
The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said: “Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?
The Lord replied: “Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father, and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or forty with an hour’s notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new location ten times in seventeen years. And oh, yes, she must have six pairs of hands.”
The angle shook her head, “Six pairs of hands? No way.”
The Lord continued, “Don’t worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say, ‘I understand’ when she doesn’t, and say ‘I love you,’ regardless.”
“Lord,” said the angel, touching his arm gently, “Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish tomorrow.”
“I can’t stop now,” the Lord said, “I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a pier, a runway, or a depot, and understand why it’s important that he leave.”
The angle circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, “It looks fine, but it’s too soft.”
“She might look soft,” replied the Lord, “ but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure.”
Finally, the angle bent over and ran her fingers across the check of the Lord’s creation. “There’s a leak,” she announced. “Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model.”
The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of confidence. “What you see is not a leak,” He said, “It’s a tear.”
“A tear? What is it there for?” asked the angel.
The Lord replied, “It’s for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride, and dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear.”
“You are a genius!” exclaimed the angel.
The Lord looked puzzled and replied, “I didn’t put it there.”
--Anonymous

Response by SSG Everett Wilson made Feb 24 at 2015 5:27 AM

2015-02-24T05:27:20-05:00

Response by CPO Jim Turner made Feb 26 at 2015 4:38 PM

2015-02-26T16:38:50-05:00

It takes a special person to be a military spouse. I was married about 1.5 years before enlisting in the Navy which I served for 20 years, but as a hospital corpsman, I spent most of my time (13 years) with the Marines. She often asked which service I really joined, I said whichever one is willing to pay me. There were many times I'd call home to say I'm being pulled to the field for the week when with the Marines or got pulled for duty when serving in a hospital, so she got used to changing plans. As my wife would say, she was my mistress, the Navy was my wife. She got me when the Navy didn't need me.

It really takes a special person to be a military spouse, not everyone can do it. What got me most was the honor and positive attitude I saw in her, which was greater than I saw in some of those I served with.

We are now approaching our 34th anniversary, I keep saying the only reason she hangs around is to see what will happen next.

Response by Brittany Groh made Jan 27 at 2020 10:52 AM

2020-01-27T10:52:40-05:00

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