Thoughts on spouses using "Do you know who my Husband/Wife is?"

SCPO David Lockwood — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:14:53 -0400

How do you feel about spouse using the old phrase "Do you know who my husband/wife is?" to get special treatment.

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Apr 29 at 2015 11:17 AM

TSgt Joshua Copeland — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:17:22 -0400

SCPO David Lockwood, some of the places I have been, pulling that get's you a meeting with your Group Commander or Wing Commander.

Response by SSG Steven Borders made Apr 29 at 2015 11:22 AM

SSG Steven Borders — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:22:22 -0400

I think it is ridiculous that some one would even use that. So what if your husband/wife is Division Commander. Ok, you are still a civilian. You have no rank what so ever. The only thing I have to do is treat you with respect and dignity. But I am not going to show you any favoritism just because your husband/wife is so and so.

Just my two cents.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 11:24 AM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:24:12 -0400

My wife would NEVER do this.

Response by CPO William Knox made Apr 29 at 2015 11:28 AM

CPO William Knox — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:28:01 -0400

I usually respond with "That's nice that your spouse is (insert rank). But you aren't."

Response by Sgt Sasha Cruz made Apr 29 at 2015 11:38 AM

Sgt Sasha Cruz — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:38:48 -0400

Oh boy, i don't think you want to get me started on self-entitled spouses that think they rule the military and their spouses chain of command.

Response by SCPO Reid Flade made Apr 29 at 2015 11:52 AM

SCPO Reid Flade — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:52:07 -0400

Kind of like Mrs. Obama thinking she should be paid as First Lady. BS!

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 11:52 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:52:30 -0400

Especially the Captains wife in spouse club meetings.

Response by SCPO Reid Flade made Apr 29 at 2015 11:53 AM

SCPO Reid Flade — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:53:38 -0400

Like Mrs. Obama thinking she should be paid as First Lady. BS!

Response by TSgt David Holman made Apr 29 at 2015 11:54 AM

TSgt David Holman — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 11:54:29 -0400

Had a spouse try to pull the "Do you know who my husband is" line on me while I was working the ER. I was working the front desk since we were short manned, and had quite a wait (with legit stuff). She came up all huffy that her child hadn't been brought back for the sore throat it had for the last 2 weeks... Her statement was "Look, you need to hurry this up. Do you know who my husband is... he is Sgt Snuffy (don't remember real name)"... I quietly laughed, and reminded her that in the ER, rank has no place, and that if she is going to pull her husbands rank, she needs to make sure it is higher than the person she is pulling it on.

Response by SSG Kenneth Lanning made Apr 29 at 2015 12:02 PM

SSG Kenneth Lanning — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 12:02:39 -0400

Only time my wife wears my rank is when she puts on my fleece jacket when it's cold in the house...I'll show people due respect as being people, but I couldn't give two $hits who the person is married to as far as taking direction from the "my husband/wife is so and so" crap.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Apr 29 at 2015 12:49 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 12:49:39 -0400

I had a habit of responding "no i don't, but let me see if I can help.. HEY< EVERYBODY..ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS LADYS HUSBAND IS, SHE IS NOT SURE EITHER"

Response by Col Joseph Lenertz made Apr 29 at 2015 1:22 PM

Col Joseph Lenertz — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 13:22:17 -0400

Total crap. They're missing two essential facts.
1. Every member of the military team should be treated equally...at the hospital, BX/PX/NEX, or any other service organization on base/post. Exceptions for personnel on duty in time-critical fields (ie, nuclear alert duty, hazmat response, first responders).
2. As much as we love our spouses, they are not members of the above team.

Response by MSgt James Mullis made Apr 29 at 2015 1:51 PM

MSgt James Mullis — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 13:51:51 -0400

Hey, I keep trying to use the phrase Dr and Mr Mullis, but my wife won't let me.

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Apr 29 at 2015 3:44 PM

Sgt Spencer Sikder — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 15:44:38 -0400

I suppose the counter reaction should be, "yes I do and simply amazed on how disrespectful you are to his/her rank."

Response by PO1 Andrew White made Apr 29 at 2015 3:57 PM

PO1 Andrew White — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 15:57:32 -0400

These days that shite don't fly...
I had to pull gate guard duty once a week at NAS Pensacola, just after 9/11. I hated that gig, never wanted to play cop. Anyway, had a wife rant at me for not saluting her after showing her ID to me, that she'd always been saluted when coming on base. I politely explained to her that that was before we had to look at everyone's ID and the "blue sticker" got saluted as you never knew who was in the vehicle. I told her I don't salute stickers just Officers. She huffed off with an "I'm going to speak to my husband about this!"
Had some teenage kid driving dad's car try and pull the same crap with me, I laughed at him and said have a nice day.

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Apr 29 at 2015 4:26 PM

COL Jean (John) F. B. — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:26:02 -0400

Contrary to popular belief, I believe the instances of that occurring are pretty rare, although I know they do occur. Having said that, it is also not just a military phenomenon. In fact, I'll bet it happens just as much or more in the civilian world; at least that is my experience.

Anybody who uses that phrase is an idiot...

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 4:30 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:30:01 -0400

Outside of spouse clubs, I've never witnessed it. It seems like an old rumor that refuses to die. I treat all spouses like any other random civilian.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 4:50 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:50:03 -0400

"Do you know how little I care who they are"?

Response by SPC Carl K. made Apr 29 at 2015 4:50 PM

SPC Carl K. — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:50:31 -0400

It has always amazed me how many spouses were so delusional, that they felt as if they wore the same rank as their husbands. I have seen on social media where the spouses are bragging about the hubby's promotion, and using the pronoun "we" when talking about it. I even saw one post (I can't find it right now) where an NCO's wife bragged about how she was going to get her husband's rank sewn on to her purse!!!

Both in civilian life and sometimes while I was in the military, I would laugh at their pathetic attempts at attention and feeling important.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 4:57 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:57:15 -0400

Last year I was at a family gathering where an EX spouse tried to play that game with me. They shut up quickly when they realized I outranked her EX. Vicarious ego. What would Freud think of that.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 5:09 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 17:09:48 -0400

I think the appropriate response would be....."no ma'am I don't know who your husband is. Do you know my wife?"

Then wait for the expected pause for the cause....:)

Response by SCPO Reid Flade made Apr 29 at 2015 5:44 PM

SCPO Reid Flade — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 17:44:11 -0400

After thinking about it, I could see my wife asking a person if they knew who I was. As much as I was gone and with some of the work I did, she'd probably be checking to make sure she had the right guy. Lol.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 29 at 2015 5:44 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 17:44:18 -0400

Take my wife.....please

https://youtu.be/5ZOc2I-Kbfk

Rodney Dangerfield My Wife

Laughter can be the best medicine.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Apr 29 at 2015 5:54 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 17:54:51 -0400

I have never gotten that, and there has been hundreds of opportunities though since I am an MP. Intimidation in law enforcement can lead to other illegal acts. I actually wish it would happened. If someone ask me, "Do you know who my husband is" I will say, "no but please take out your cell phone and call him". As long as we are professional and tactful and maybe even have the situation recorded depending on the situation, people will be afraid to ask me if I know who so and so is.

Response by SFC Richard Graczyk made Apr 29 at 2015 9:01 PM

SFC Richard Graczyk — Wed, 29 Apr 2015 21:01:23 -0400

I have had this line used on me once in a Commissary parking lot. Immediately she was counter acted by the SM (same rank as I was) approaching the situation, and hearing that his spouse was wrong in this instance, so he reprimanded his spouse in front of me for using said line. Best instant karma having the spouse apologize for her ignorance.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 30 at 2015 7:11 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 07:11:29 -0400

DILIGAF.

I have no time for behavior like that. While my wife was still active duty I was an "Army Husband" for awhile. It never ceased to amaze me what some military spouses felt they were entitled to. My wife once received a negative counseling because the BN XO's wife felt that she was rude to her. My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

Response by Maj Joseph Osborne made Apr 30 at 2015 8:26 AM

Maj Joseph Osborne — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 08:26:46 -0400

Funniest story I heard (and seriously doubt it happened) was when a new Wing Commander held a meeting for the spouse's club in a base auditorium. He said, "Please get up and seat yourselves by rank order." After a minute or two of the spouses trying to figure out the proper order, he said, "Sit wherever you are right now. YOU do not HAVE any rank, and don't you forget it!" Somehow I just know it's too good to be true.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Apr 30 at 2015 4:28 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 16:28:03 -0400

We had a 2 Star's spouse in Germany come through the gate hammered. She refused to roll down the window and sped off so we hit the barricade botton and she met the steel wall. That's when the crapola hit the fan. Some 1LT from the MP's showed up and "took charge." No statements collected, no interviews, all logs collected.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Apr 30 at 2015 4:33 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Thu, 30 Apr 2015 16:33:46 -0400

I hope this is a problem left over from 40 years ago when most of the women on base were wives or secretaries. Things have changed so very much. I feel sorry for a woman who's that insecure or ignorant.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 2 at 2015 4:06 AM

PO1 John Miller — Sat, 02 May 2015 04:06:53 -0400

Ah, the good old dependa. I would ask them "Why? Did you forget who you were married to???"

I have had spouses before tell me "My husband's rank is such and such..." My response would always be "And what is your rank Ma'am?" Her: "I've never been in the Navy." Me: "Well then you get no special treatment from me."

The occasional spouse I've met who was a veteran/retiree never pulled the rank card.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 2 at 2015 4:09 AM

PO1 John Miller — Sat, 02 May 2015 04:09:08 -0400

I had a friend when I was stationed at CINCUSNAVEUR London, a fellow Second Class, who got counseled and assigned EMI to write a letter of apology to the Deputy CINC's (a Rear Admiral Upper Half) wife because "he didn't stand at attention when talking to her."

Response by MSG Michael McEleney made Mar 7 at 2017 5:32 PM

MSG Michael McEleney — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:32:58 -0500

Call the medics and tell them she's exhibiting signs of a stroke, confusion, loss of memory, not knowing their name

Response by MSgt Dan Calhoun made Mar 11 at 2017 1:29 PM

MSgt Dan Calhoun — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 13:29:31 -0500

I have only had this happen to me a handful times, aside from the one Col's wife it was usually a 2Lt or 1Lt's spouse. Common response was me looking at the ID card, and saying no, I don't know Lt whoever.

Response by Cpl Tom Surdi made Mar 11 at 2017 2:00 PM

Cpl Tom Surdi — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 14:00:02 -0500

No ma'am/sir, and frankly I don't care.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2017 2:39 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 14:39:40 -0500

I've been lucky enough to only ever see this a couple times, and someone with some sense usually squashed it right away. I've been in the military for a couple days now, and Commander's Spouse isn't on any MTOE I've ever seen before.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2017 3:42 PM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 15:42:25 -0500

My cousin, a police officer, stopped a speeding car. It was a local celebrity who pulled the do you know who I am, then identified himself.

My cousin responded No, but, I am glad you told me. I am officer (name) and you were still speeding.

He said he had intended to issue a warning but decided on a ticket instead.

Response by SSG Matthew Koehler made Mar 11 at 2017 5:47 PM

SSG Matthew Koehler — Sat, 11 Mar 2017 17:47:40 -0500

My response would be, " Hang on, let me check...Nope."

Response by SGT Scott Henderson made Mar 28 at 2017 8:10 AM

SGT Scott Henderson — Tue, 28 Mar 2017 08:10:18 -0400

I think they're full of shit. I wasn't allowed to walk around saying "do you know who I work for?" When I pulled security for a two star. To these jackasses I say: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU are NOT a soldier, veteran, or any other class of citizen that deserves any special consideration. YOUR SPOUSE IS. if you want to feel special GO ENLIST"

Response by SGT Randall Smith made May 16 at 2017 12:38 PM

SGT Randall Smith — Tue, 16 May 2017 12:38:13 -0400

I'm sure this is still done service wide. My dad retired in 1962 as a Maj. But when growing up we had to be careful who we picked on or go into fights with. When dad was a Lt. or Capt. and if you got into a fight or argument with a Col.'s kid dad was often called on the carpet for your actions. It did not matter if his kid started it or was a real jerk, his dad was a Col. and you had to remember it. Mom would get calls from the Bn. C.O's wife asking her to do something for the Ladies Club. These were really commands from the wife.

Response by SGT Linda Burgess made Jun 16 at 2017 10:45 AM

SGT Linda Burgess — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 10:45:41 -0400

I don't care who the spouse is. If the individual using that phrase is riding the coat tails of the ranking spouse they need to do a LONG assessment in a mirror. I've met many Generals wives that refuse to identify their husbands due to a change in attitude or treatment. Was told by one General "Weare all naked in the shower ". Respect...yes; bowing and scraping because of who you happened to marry...NEVER!

Response by COL David Turk made Jun 17 at 2017 7:35 PM

COL David Turk — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 19:35:35 -0400

The only time I paid it any attention to the "rank" of a dependent was on my tour as an MP at Fort Dix, NJ. We were told (by the NCO chain of command), in no uncertain terms, that if we stopped one of the post commanders daughters (the one after MG Cooksie), we were to get her back on the road ASAP (no ticket, no discussion). And if by some chance we "bumped" into either one on or off duty, we were to be polite, but make the conversation short, and a one time event.

Response by GySgt Charles O'Connell made Jan 17 at 2018 3:04 PM

GySgt Charles O'Connell — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 15:04:33 -0500

Spouses are not part of the Chain of Command. I probably wouldn't have recognized my C.O.'s spouse. I guess it depends on the context of the question. Firm, Courteous, and Tactful, works for me in dealing with these types of situations.