What are your best practices for getting through a hard time in your life?

2021-11-10T07:07:14-05:00

Every single human being is experiencing or has experienced an Earth Shattering, dream killing, soul wrenching, heart-breaking event. Know and embrace that you are not alone.

Everyone goes through a hard time, some harder than others, everyone struggles with understanding emotions, saying the right thing at the right time....our country has become used to instant gratification, perfect images of perfect people on entertainment and sports media... but these are not real only projected/created images. Be sure to take time for yourself (meditate, pray or just sit still), be patient with yourself and be kind and forgiving to yourself. What do you do when you are going through a hard time?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/violets-me-what-god-taught-through-little-plant-alicia-gb-smith-pds

Violets and Me: or What God Taught Me Through a Little Plant

Warning this is a US Southern style narrative with a Christian viewpoint, I will eventually get to the point but you need the context first. Violets and I have a long history.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2021 7:08 AM

2021-11-10T07:08:15-05:00

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/violets-me-what-god-taught-through-little-plant-alicia-gb-smith-pds

Violets and Me: or What God Taught Me Through a Little Plant

Warning this is a US Southern style narrative with a Christian viewpoint, I will eventually get to the point but you need the context first. Violets and I have a long history.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Nov 10 at 2021 7:31 AM

2021-11-10T07:31:13-05:00

I remind myself of the challenges I've overcome before and have faith that I can continue to do the same going forward. I also know that I don't know God's plans, so like the song "unanswered prayers" I leave what I cannot control in God's hands and have faith that something better will come of it.

Response by LTC Tom Jones made Nov 10 at 2021 8:52 AM

2021-11-10T08:52:08-05:00

Take a breath. Turn to my life's partner for her succor and support. Try to remember the Biblical sentiment, "This, too, will pass." Learn from the experience. Remember the "world is not as it seems" and be thankful there is a loving God. Thanks for asking at this time because, most certainly, these are troubling times with more of the same (or worse) in our future. Emotional preparedness is important. COL Private RallyPoint Member Lt Col Charlie Brown

Response by LTC John Shaw made Nov 10 at 2021 9:57 AM

2021-11-10T09:57:22-05:00

I go camping with no electronics or noise to distract the mind. If there is not enough time for that just go to a park for at least one hour and just breathe.

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Nov 10 at 2021 1:34 PM

2021-11-10T13:34:15-05:00

That's a hard ask. I don't think there is a set metric that will work. That's like asking "how to have a good life". There is alot to unpack and context matters.

In general I try to keep in touch with my core group of friends for a sounding board. The ability to speak openly with your friends and your spouse is huge because that is your inner circle. I also think having an anchor is important. Whether it's a hobby or maybe a favorite place to hike. I go to church to clear my head and I also go hiking. I also enjoy archery and rifle ranges as it forces you to force out distractions to help focus on the task. It helps me to flush out the stress and slowly re-engage the source of stress. It allows me to place things in order using perspective.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2021 2:22 PM

2021-11-10T14:22:03-05:00

I remind myself that everything that is happening will end, nothing is forever and then I just throw another plate on the bar and lift harder! I use my hour at the gym every morning to get that nonsense out of my head and take on each day as new. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and I will not waste today, worrying about a potential tomorrow...

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 10 at 2021 5:01 PM

2021-11-10T17:01:41-05:00

My avenue of approach is trying to understand the impetus to my troubled life, then I focus on what are my symptoms because they lower my quality of life. Now I have painted the picture and I can indulge in the next phase. Kill those symptom. I am relatively healed if I can accomplish the aforementioned.

Response by SPC Lyle Montgomery made Nov 10 at 2021 5:05 PM

2021-11-10T17:05:30-05:00

Praying. I figure that God has a plan for me and in the long run it will all work out

Response by LtCol Robert Quinter made Nov 10 at 2021 5:05 PM

2021-11-10T17:05:35-05:00

Settle down; analyze what's going on; determine action needed to resolve the problems; go through the needed steps.

Response by CWO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 10 at 2021 6:17 PM

2021-11-10T18:17:00-05:00

Calm down before all else, and think. It helps to understand one's locus of control and how to mutually benefit with others. Life calls for an occasional reboot.

Response by SFC Ralph E Kelley made Nov 10 at 2021 6:37 PM

2021-11-10T18:37:04-05:00

Two Rules: 1. Don't Quit. 2. Keep Your Sense of Humor

Response by MAJ Roland McDonald made Nov 10 at 2021 7:28 PM

2021-11-10T19:28:31-05:00

I practice deep breathing and meditate on God's word to refocus my mind from bad to good. Usually just drop open the bible and read. Allowing him to choose the passages I need to draw from.

Response by Cpl Vic Burk made Nov 10 at 2021 8:10 PM

2021-11-10T20:10:42-05:00

If I can't go hiking that day I go to my little woods on my property, lean back against a tree and watch nature. Watching squirrel is quite interesting. They don't call them natures acrobats for nothing. While sitting there I try to analyze what has happened and why; try to make sense of it. It helps to have some soothing music to listen to. Tunes like John Barry's "Out of Africa" is one of my favorites at a time like this. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. What is hard is trying to find that reason. Usually there is not an immediate answer. Relaxing helps us deal with whatever life has thrown at us just a little easier.

Response by Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis made Nov 10 at 2021 8:24 PM

2021-11-10T20:24:07-05:00

I would not pretend to compare my misfortunes to anybody else's. There is a story about a group of people who put their lives into a bag (they wrote what their lives were about, good, bad, and ugly). Then they were asked to randomly pull a live out of the bag; that would be your life now. By the end of the session, everybody was hoping to get their own lives pulled from the bag.

Response by MAJ Hugh Blanchard made Nov 10 at 2021 10:25 PM

2021-11-10T22:25:26-05:00

The worst time I had in the Army was when my wife left me in Italy. She returned to her very wealthy family in the U.S. It was a huge gut-punch. I eventually sought help from my Chaplain, an Army COL who had served in Korea and Vietnam. He was a very senior Army Chaplain and had literally seen it all. After a few discussions with me, he gave me an analysis of what was happening that was spot-on. Some of it I did not want to hear, but he spoke truth to me, and helped me face it.

That he was a Catholic and I was an Episcopalian did not matter. I honestly believe he saved my life, because I was in a very bad place. I'll always remember him very fondly for bringing me back into a full life.

So my best practices would be to seek help from a trusted counselor, pray and keep connected with your friends. At times like those, you'll soon find out who your real friends are.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Nov 11 at 2021 6:58 AM

2021-11-11T06:58:51-05:00

I concentrate on the good things in my life, and let the bad take a back seat in my dark chamber set up in my mind to keep them from bothering again COL Private RallyPoint Member

Response by SFC Jim Ruether made Nov 11 at 2021 4:43 PM

2021-11-11T16:43:13-05:00

I watched my dad lose his battle with Dementia and Alzheimers one day at a time. Here is a man who could disassemble an engine and put it back together again and it ran like a top. An excellent pilot who flew every chance he got especially if his grandsons went with. Here was a Godly man who was so afraid to die. A man who held us to a strict abiding of his creators laws and yet he prayed every night for his kids that God would find a room for us in his house in Heaven when we die. I watched him take is last breath as he squeezed my hand. He couldn't talk by that time but there was so much he told me in his handshake. Man I love you Dad and it will be a whole year on Dec. 2nd since you left us here on earth. I have asked good friends if it ever gets easier losing a loved one and they say ..........................

Response by SSG Bill McCoy made Nov 11 at 2021 9:49 PM

2021-11-11T21:49:45-05:00

For DECADES, I've started every single day, literally thinking, "No one ... NO one, and NOTHING, will screw up my day." It's a matter of attitude. Of course, some things (family tragedy, casualties in one's unit, etc) will definitely nullify that, but the idea is to start each day fresh with POSITIVE thoughts and positive attitude.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 17 at 2021 1:26 PM

2021-11-17T13:26:11-05:00

- Survive
- Use love to improve your depression.
- Have meeting of the minds with the spouse.
- Identify your your symptoms.
- Kill the symptoms.
- You will feel anew.

Response by MAJ Byron Oyler made Nov 17 at 2021 5:24 PM

2021-11-17T17:24:06-05:00

As an active ICU, ER, and pre-hospital provider, it is not a question if I will have another horrible day but when. I have a playlist with Three Doors Down Kryptonite, Five For Fighting's Superman, The Show Goes On by Bruce Hornsby and some others. What has really saved me is five minutes after the last call tones could drop for another person having a worse day than me and I must be on my A game for them. They don't care how bad my day has been, they expect me to make it happen for them. No exceptions and I truly believe our increased mental health issues and PTSD is no body expects you to recover, hell the government will compensate you forever, why get better?

Response by Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis made Nov 17 at 2021 8:13 PM

2021-11-17T20:13:02-05:00

I am going through a hard time, right now; nobody knows (except y'all, right now).
How am I getting through it? Here's a few tips that I'm doing these days.
1) Focus on what's important: At work, that's what's important, so I focus on that. I focus on what it takes to get my job done, then I figure out how to do it, then I do it.
2) When not at work, your focus should be what is happening at home; are you getting enough rest? Are you eating right? Are you getting enough exercise? If anything seems to be out of balance, look into making an adjustment, if that's possible. Sometimes it's not, but make sure it's not for lack of trying.
3) I ask myself about options that might be available; anything that looks feasible and workable in my life is something I will examine. Note, however, that none of this is to interfere with what's happening at work or at home. I'm one of the lucky ones in that my life (right now) has certain efficiencies that are happening, for which I give thanks. I have no idea how long they will last, but I am determined to work all of them to their maximum benefit to me.
4) Stay away from drugs and alcohol. The diameter of the Earth might be suitable (seriously, give them the heave-ho if any of that is in your life and a lot of distance if they are not).
5) Find support groups. It could be anything: Church, your family, close friends, folks who share interests with you (I do Dungeons & Dragons...yes "D&D", you can do bridge, chess, movies, etc.).

In the end, I find that asking "Am I done, yet?" is always answered "No. There's more that I can do."

One last thing: Attitude is not only important, it's a freaking Super Power! It's amazing what you can do with a positive one. Try it out. You will find it amazing!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 18 at 2021 5:31 AM

2021-11-18T05:31:17-05:00

We had a lot of very serious stuff that happened in a very short time just recently. We first dealt with whatever was emergent and needed immediate attention. Then when all urgent needs had been addressed, we took a few days' break, by spending some time away from it all and turning off the mind for a little while. Once some of the emotions had run their course and the overthinking had stopped, developing an actual plan on how to proceed with all the fall-out and the long term considerations helped a lot. Seeking advice and having honest, open discussions with friends, family, and other trusted confidants (Chaplains, Pastors, Family Doctor, VA Counselor) and even professionals (Medical Personnel, Attorneys, etc) were paramount in developing that plan and implementing it along with other effective ways to cope and overcome. Having faith, purpose and direction along with a can-do attitude while still being humble and acknowledging the need for and seeking help, go a long way. Never abandon hope. Always think that every tomorrow is a new day, that while it may bring new challenges, it may also change your life for the better.