Writing as Therapy for Veterans...and Survivors

2023-07-17T16:36:15-04:00

Last spring, I submitted an essay to the online journal Wrath-Bearing Tree. It was about my late husband, a Vietnam Vet who lived for 50 years after his tour of duty.

I am lucky to have shared so many rich and fulfilling years with him, years of marriage, creating our family, raising our three sons. I’m comforted and contented by memories of our lives together, family holidays and precious vacations, challenging decisions, some achievements here and there, and throughout it all his companionship.

But I also know now that for him, just plain old living life was very hard. For a long time, I was oblivious to how the consequences of his military service as a combatant seeped into our lives. I don’t know if he realized it either until the harsh, limiting symptoms of PTSD pushed their way to the surface and interrupted our world, a full 25 years after discharge. We’d been together a long time before it was named, before we understood that war trauma had been living alongside us, waiting to take its toll. I have enormous admiration for how he forged his way through the devastation of that time and back to us.

On his way to getting better, he founded Consequence, a literary journal addressing the consequences and culture of war https://rly.pt/ConsequenceForum. Still, he kept his own experience of those consequences close to the vest. For 12 years he edited and published the stories of others, not his own. Eventually he saw the benefit his story had for others and began to share it.

Now I, as a board member for the non-profit, Consequence Forum, Inc. work along with many dedicated folks to sustain his legacy. Of course, we totally support the publication of our contributors’ narratives addressing the human consequences of war and geopolitical violence, contributors that may be witnesses, refugees, soldiers and veterans and yes, partners and family members too.

Last spring, I co-led a Writing Workshop for Spouses and Partners of Veterans and Active Military offered by Consequence Forum, Inc. We plan to run the workshop again this fall. (Continue to check RallyPoint for details.) Participants in our first session were mothers, daughters, and wives of Veterans, writing their stories, which are of course about their soldiers and veterans. In the workshop, participants wrote about lives that, if not shaped by, are at least heavily influenced by the current and former military men and women in their families.

Still, when it came time to submit my piece for publication at Wrath-Bearing Tree, I wasn’t sure it was okay to do so. I wondered, am I really authorized to reveal bits of the life we shared when my late husband isn’t here to review or edit it to his liking? Was I telling his story, or mine? After a fifty-five-year relationship, he’s a major character in mine to be sure, but right to the end, I struggled with whether it was okay to hit “send” and share that piece of writing.

There are those who believe I can’t know what he is thinking or would be thinking about all this. There are those who believe that of course I know. I’m not certain about all that, but I did hit send. The essay, “What He Wore” appeared in Wrath-Bearing Tree in March and is here to read: https://rly.pt/WhatHeWore

I have to believe we, as partners of Veterans and active military, can and should share our stories. And we should read those of other family members of Veterans and active military, the stories of others who understand the consequences of war and geopolitical violence that appear here, on Command Post, or in literary journals such as Wrath-Bearing Tree and Consequence.

The next reading period for work to be considered for Consequence Forum is now-- July 15 - October 15-- and work submitted will be considered for either our print publication (Consequence Journal), and you can read more and subscribe at https://rly.pt/ConsequenceForum

Consequence Forum

Addressing the human consequences and realities of war and geopolitical violence through literature, art, and community events

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Jul 17 at 2023 4:52 PM

2023-07-17T16:52:13-04:00

I began writing the family history while there were still some alive. Several have dedicated their lives to Military and public service and I feel it is important to write what we know before it is lost forever. As I wrote, I sent it to those still alive to make sure the information was correct and to get their opinion of what I had written. They looked forward to receiving each new page and discussed it with each other and sent back comments and corrections, with an occasional phone call to discuss something they thought I should include. There are speech to write options with AI now to make it easier to collect the stories. What they did mattered They suffered from PTSD til the end. It might never make it into a book but at least it’s started.

Response by SPC Mike Bennett made Jul 17 at 2023 5:43 PM

2023-07-17T17:43:19-04:00

Joan, I read your essay. You need not have any reservations for writing it.
Most combat soldiers have a "hole in their dike" that will eventually break loose. Having served in combat with the First Air Cav in Vietnam, I was exposed to the horrors of war. I am thankful that my dike did not break. As a Veterans Service Officer I still have Vietnam Veterans who realize their dike has broken. Also, almost every Iraq and Afghanistan War Veteran that comes into my office files a claim for PTSD and most are awarded.
Keep writing!

Response by SFC William Farrell made Jul 18 at 2023 1:45 AM

2023-07-18T01:45:28-04:00

I am sorry for your loss Joan Kovach. I will read your essay tomorrow as I am falling asleep. Just another Vietnam vet here.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 18 at 2023 9:35 AM

2023-07-18T09:35:52-04:00

Interesting. I am no grammar Nazi, but I have written quite a bit about PTSD and healing. I enjoy the process of musing and attempting to dissect PTSD in order to understand it and the way forward to healing.

Response by SFC Gary Fox made Jul 18 at 2023 1:33 PM

2023-07-18T13:33:37-04:00

I'm a veteran of Desert Storm who also deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq. I have PTSD. I've written and self-published four books so far. I'm writing my fifth in a series about an Army retiree who works as a private investigator. I incorporate some of my own experiences into the books as it gives me a healthy and creative outlet. I recommend it to others.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 19 at 2023 7:36 PM

2023-07-19T19:36:43-04:00

@Joan Kovach thanks for sharing your life events & encouraging others to do the same. I know first-hand about the effects of P.T.S.D. on the individual & family.

Response by SGT Ruben Lozada made Jul 20 at 2023 12:46 PM

2023-07-20T12:46:16-04:00

Good afternoon Joan Kovach. Excellent post. Thank You for sharing this.

Response by SGT Carmen Allen made Jul 29 at 2023 3:38 PM

2023-07-29T15:38:05-04:00

Thank you. It's a one day at a time struggle. I've live with Complex PTSD for over 62 years. God bless you for your support.

Response by Cpl Lisa Kreiser made Jul 30 at 2023 8:23 PM

2023-07-30T20:23:31-04:00

Thank you so much for this Joan

Response by 1st Lt Padre Dave Poedel made Jul 31 at 2023 7:26 PM

2023-07-31T19:26:37-04:00

You can check out my writing at padredave.substack.com

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 3 at 2023 10:13 PM

2023-08-03T22:13:29-04:00

You are so inspiring. I have tried to get started so many times but I just can’t keep the ball rolling. I had the wildest life you can imagine but it doesn’t mean anything if you are flat on your face battling your demons…

Response by CPT Larry Hudson made Aug 5 at 2023 9:07 PM

2023-08-05T21:07:35-04:00

Ha! Funny thing happened to me back in 2012 that changed my life for the better. I was at a fuel station filling my vehicle when the Vietnam brotherhood rolled up. They say my "Proudly Served" decals and immediately asked me if I was a member of the Veterans Administration.
My response was no, which started an extensive period of questions of "Why not." I responded, I have subordnhiated my welfare to that of the troops of Afganistan and Iraq. I was an officer and that is what I was trained to do.
Well, They said that those soldiers will get their benefits but, you need yours. I wasn't told of Stress Tuma etc at the time of leaving the military (1973) So, I had an opportunity to join the Young Veterans Administration, St Petersburg, FL.
It was there I came face to face with the issues I had burried for 43 years.
(Enough of that)
The end results was discovering Vietnam left me with anger issues; anti-society issues etc.
I started writing about my life and family history, thanks to Ancestry.com, and I now am over three hundred pages and moving on. It has been a self recooperation for me and my drive is to leave a writen history of my paternal and faternal families being in Florida before it was a state.
Vietnam, of course is included, only as a source of information from my standpoint as it is still difficult to address the loss of 26 WO's and Officers in that 12 mo period. Please note, I have no interest in publications. This writing is for my children and grandchildren since information is either by Ipads, phones. Perhaps, one day they will pick up a copy and want to know their family history and DNA.
Thanks

Response by PO3 Richard Beasley made Aug 12 at 2023 4:37 AM

2023-08-12T04:37:13-04:00

I appreciate your post here. It looks like a good tips so far. I will keep it in my mind. Thank you!

Response by SP5 Robert Kennedy made Sep 3 at 2023 5:35 PM

2023-09-03T17:35:27-04:00

Joan Kovach, as I see it, you were his central touchstone for decades as compared to the few years he was wearing a military uniform. Perhaps you saw things in him that he was unable to ascertain himself. I can tell you that a relationship for a combat veteran can be an ever-expanding bag of surprises for his spouse. Many (probably most) of them are not endearing, to say the least. I am the first of a large family tree to have been divorced in 1973. Then I did it again in 1984. Honestly, I'm teeteringly close to another... certainly not the fault of the spouses. This stuff is pretty confusing. It has only been in the past few years that I began understanding the nightmares, the ideocracies and the irregularities of my meandering through life. Some of what I experienced seemed like black holes and I certainly didn't understand or share them on purpose. I believed that nobody saw anything "odd" about me. Maybe I was (am) mistaken. I would encourage you to share. You just never know what little snippet could help unlock some of the mysteries in the mind of someone who can't complete the puzzles in life. That's a very warm photo of you and your late husband. I can't imagine anything evil coming from you.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 12 at 2024 7:48 PM

2024-04-12T19:48:32-04:00

Are you still on the net?