U.S. Virgin Islands Gov. Orders Seizure of Privately Owned Guns, Ammo Ahead of Hurricane -...

"I tragically lost all my firearms in a boating accident."

SGT Jason Keefer - I hear that's going around....Tragic!

SGT Jason Keefer SSG(P) (Join to see) I was walking in the woods with mine when a cottonmouth struck at me. Fortunately, I was able to jump to the side and it missed me. Unfortunately, I got my feet tangled up in some vines and fell right on top of a rattlesnake. Well I was trying to roll away and it struck me. Fortunately, it clamped down on my shirt sleeve missing me I grab it while rolling around trying to get off it's tail. I finally get off it completely and throw it as far as I can while still on the ground. I lay back while calming down. Unfortunately, I had been rolling around on top of a very large fire ant bed. Now they don't start bitting you until there is a whole lot of them on you and there were ants all over me. They were up my pants, inside my shirt,, and even in my hair. Unfortunately, I still didn't realize they were on me, probably because of the massive amount of adrenaline still coursing through me. Well the boss fire ant on me decided that it was a good time to start bitting me. Unfortunately all the other ants liked to follow orders so they all started biting me. For those of you fortunate people out there, a bite from a fire ant is worse than a wasp sting. Hundreds of those little buggers were having a field day at my expense. I jump up trying to get away from the ant bed while stripping my cloths off so I could get those manicial ants off me. Fortunately I was able to get them off me before I passed out. I came to a couple of hours later in intense pain. I able to make it back to my truck and home wearing absolutely nothing but my birthday suit. So what does this have to do with my guns, you ask. Well they are somewhere out in the woods now buried in a fire ant bed. Unfortunately or fortunately, not sure which, I can't find that bed, which also has my clothes in it also.... Honest, officer could I possibly make all this up?