Family
Family
6
6
0
I just got done talking with an old friend. He was angry and heartbroken. And the cause was...Politics. As some of you may have noticed, I don't post anything about politics. Someday I might put up a post why I don't. A lesson I learned a long time ago. But...this phone call made me aware that some folks need to understand what they are doing to their Families! And it doesn't matter which side of the divide you are on. So here goes.
My friend called me because (in his words) : My wife, daughter, and son in law are all crazy. They just won't listen to me. We just had a big fight - my daughter said she wasn't bringing the kids over anymore. And my wife sided with her and her husband. My daughter said that I was toxic. She wanted to know why I couldn't just stop talking about politics, calling people names, and being so angry. But she said I crossed the line when she started telling my grandkids (who are 10 , 8 and three) who is a rotten President, what low life's are in Congress, and what people should be doing to stop the bastards. "
During the conversation it became clear to me that his Daughter was trying to get through to him that she loves him, but doesn't want to hear about all the horrible things in the News. And she sure as heck doesn't want him raving mad while talking to her kids. "Dad, just stop with the Politics when we come over. Play with the kids! Stop trying to convince them of the evil other side. Just stop."
That was the message I got from listening to him.
I listened for a while. He told me he had on his preferred News Channel, all day long. His wife stopped watching TV with him years ago. Because he goes on rants every new News Cycle. "She told me she hates riding in the car with me anymore, because all I do is bitch about this guy, or that congressman, or woman. She says I am negative almost all the time."
I told him what I thought.
"Your family is trying to love you. You have alienated them all. Can't you see the red flags? Your daughter has tried for years to get you to just put that stuff on the back burner when they are over ...and just be a grandpa, and a dad. Your wife can't watch TV with you, and God Forbid she watches the News with you.
Are you really going to put the Party you think is right, over your own family? They aren't asking you to vote a different way, back a different candidate, or alter your beliefs. They just want to share time with Grandpa and Dad...not listen to angry political diatribes. You are the one not listening. I have only listened to you for an hour, and already I am tired of the fact that you are defending folks you never met, over the quite simple requests of people who love you. Turn off your damn TV. Take your grandkids to a park, or fishing, or a picnic. Hug your daughter ...ask about her day. Be kind. They love you. Be kind."
He told me, just before he hung up: "I thought you would understand, you are a weak willed snowflake who never went to Combat." And that should be another red flag. Why insult an old friend over his Service? My last words to him were simple" You need to chill out. Be kind. That is all they are asking." His last words were a swear word and a pronoun. Maybe I could have handled the phone call better. I let him vent for an hour. But I have my own boundaries, and I think I understood what his family was trying to tell him.I believe I lost a friend. Over people we have never met, never will, and who never heard of either of us.
He called me because he knew I would listen. I never expected him not to. But I will put this out there...if you are hurting people who love you and live with you- then maybe, just maybe, you need to tone it down. My Dad and Mom taught me no Politics and no Religion when being Social. I still think that is a good rule of thumb. Being riled up every single day...is stressful. Having to live with someone who is riled up every single day over things they can't control...has to be even more stressful. This is not the first time I have seen this happen over the last six or seven years. I have several friends, where children, or relatives, have cut them off for things like this. Is it too much to ask someone not to bring up a Topic every single day? Take a step back. Chill. I don't have enough people I love and care about to give them up to a News Cycle that breeds conflict. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this. But darn it, if you can't see the red flags in your family...maybe you can recognize them in his phone call.
My friend called me because (in his words) : My wife, daughter, and son in law are all crazy. They just won't listen to me. We just had a big fight - my daughter said she wasn't bringing the kids over anymore. And my wife sided with her and her husband. My daughter said that I was toxic. She wanted to know why I couldn't just stop talking about politics, calling people names, and being so angry. But she said I crossed the line when she started telling my grandkids (who are 10 , 8 and three) who is a rotten President, what low life's are in Congress, and what people should be doing to stop the bastards. "
During the conversation it became clear to me that his Daughter was trying to get through to him that she loves him, but doesn't want to hear about all the horrible things in the News. And she sure as heck doesn't want him raving mad while talking to her kids. "Dad, just stop with the Politics when we come over. Play with the kids! Stop trying to convince them of the evil other side. Just stop."
That was the message I got from listening to him.
I listened for a while. He told me he had on his preferred News Channel, all day long. His wife stopped watching TV with him years ago. Because he goes on rants every new News Cycle. "She told me she hates riding in the car with me anymore, because all I do is bitch about this guy, or that congressman, or woman. She says I am negative almost all the time."
I told him what I thought.
"Your family is trying to love you. You have alienated them all. Can't you see the red flags? Your daughter has tried for years to get you to just put that stuff on the back burner when they are over ...and just be a grandpa, and a dad. Your wife can't watch TV with you, and God Forbid she watches the News with you.
Are you really going to put the Party you think is right, over your own family? They aren't asking you to vote a different way, back a different candidate, or alter your beliefs. They just want to share time with Grandpa and Dad...not listen to angry political diatribes. You are the one not listening. I have only listened to you for an hour, and already I am tired of the fact that you are defending folks you never met, over the quite simple requests of people who love you. Turn off your damn TV. Take your grandkids to a park, or fishing, or a picnic. Hug your daughter ...ask about her day. Be kind. They love you. Be kind."
He told me, just before he hung up: "I thought you would understand, you are a weak willed snowflake who never went to Combat." And that should be another red flag. Why insult an old friend over his Service? My last words to him were simple" You need to chill out. Be kind. That is all they are asking." His last words were a swear word and a pronoun. Maybe I could have handled the phone call better. I let him vent for an hour. But I have my own boundaries, and I think I understood what his family was trying to tell him.I believe I lost a friend. Over people we have never met, never will, and who never heard of either of us.
He called me because he knew I would listen. I never expected him not to. But I will put this out there...if you are hurting people who love you and live with you- then maybe, just maybe, you need to tone it down. My Dad and Mom taught me no Politics and no Religion when being Social. I still think that is a good rule of thumb. Being riled up every single day...is stressful. Having to live with someone who is riled up every single day over things they can't control...has to be even more stressful. This is not the first time I have seen this happen over the last six or seven years. I have several friends, where children, or relatives, have cut them off for things like this. Is it too much to ask someone not to bring up a Topic every single day? Take a step back. Chill. I don't have enough people I love and care about to give them up to a News Cycle that breeds conflict. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this. But darn it, if you can't see the red flags in your family...maybe you can recognize them in his phone call.
Society
Family
Love
Posted 15 d ago
Responses: 8
4
4
0
Well said. It is good to have your own beliefs and views, but if you know it bothers people that do not think the way you do, or just hate hearing about either, just don't talk about it in their presence. Maybe someday before he loses his friends and family, he will chill out and apologize to all. Take care. Be happy, friendly, kind, and love all.
(4)
(0)
4
4
0
SGT Kevin Hughes
Capt Jeff S. - My apathy? Interesting choice of words. The world is going down the tubes? Hardly. My Parents generation had to hobble around in absolute pain because of their joints being eroded by arthritis, I got hip implants. We now know more about almost every subject you can bring up, from Medicine to Outer Space. People in general are so rich they can travel so much that the pretty places in the world are overwhelmed with tourists, and we are living longer, healthier lives. Different isn't bad, it is just different.
You think America is going to hell in a hand basket? My Dad and Mom grew up during the Great War, got married the month before the Great Depression, lost everything, and just as they were recovering, World War II hit. Not once did my Mom or Dad wish that we hadn't been born into a world with such turmoil. Even when Dad had his heart attack, and left Mom with ten kids at home...did they speak of the horrors of the current situation.
I have lived through Civil Rights, Vietnam Protests, the Internet, Social Media, the housing bubble, the 2008 "Great Depression" the growth of Personal Computers ...and still managed to raise my kids to have a fairly good childhood. And I can guarantee my grandkids are having a wonderful childhood. Partially because the adults around them make it so they can have a childhood. As we speak, my son in law and grandson are building a bike ramp to practice their jumps. My daughter and granddaughter are teaching a class on Nature - in the woods, to a handful of Home Schooled kids. My wife and I washed our truck, and then played cards and having a nice chat. No politics needed for any of those activities.
Democracy is sloppy, slow, and still a modern experiment - 300 years is nothing. Kings, Rulers, Shah's, Emperors, Tyrants, those all have long histories. Democracies tended to be short lived. And very elitist. So we stumble on occasion, rise up on others. I will not agree with him to side with some personality or another, or for him to constantly scare the bejesus out of his family instead of loving his family. We live in a country that does not have bars on most of its homes. Our mail sits outside in our mailboxes, and in general, we step up to help when someone asks. 24 hour News affects your brain. Everyone's brain. Just like Social Media does to kids who spend their time on it. And we know it isn't good for you.
Follow your path...but if that path makes you bully, disrespect, or bludgeon your loved ones with your particular brand of belief, they have the right to exclude you. My world is a good world. My Country is a good country. We can make it better...as we were taught when I was a kid: progress not perfection. Democracy is trying...it isn't perfect. But who is?
I get that you care. I got that my friend cares too. He can't even go fishing anymore (which he absolutely loved) because no one will go with him. So no, I don't think I need to support him in his anger, nor do I have to view America through the eyes of people who think everyone but them...is wrong. I won't argue with you. You were a Captain, I was a grunt. Your Education was probably at a higher level than mine. Your staff meetings sure were. So maybe you are right, maybe you are not. And maybe after November we will end up like Yugoslavia or Ireland. If so, we survive, and try to make it work again.
Until then, I'd rather walk the park, play with my grandkids, and enjoy the days I have left.
You think America is going to hell in a hand basket? My Dad and Mom grew up during the Great War, got married the month before the Great Depression, lost everything, and just as they were recovering, World War II hit. Not once did my Mom or Dad wish that we hadn't been born into a world with such turmoil. Even when Dad had his heart attack, and left Mom with ten kids at home...did they speak of the horrors of the current situation.
I have lived through Civil Rights, Vietnam Protests, the Internet, Social Media, the housing bubble, the 2008 "Great Depression" the growth of Personal Computers ...and still managed to raise my kids to have a fairly good childhood. And I can guarantee my grandkids are having a wonderful childhood. Partially because the adults around them make it so they can have a childhood. As we speak, my son in law and grandson are building a bike ramp to practice their jumps. My daughter and granddaughter are teaching a class on Nature - in the woods, to a handful of Home Schooled kids. My wife and I washed our truck, and then played cards and having a nice chat. No politics needed for any of those activities.
Democracy is sloppy, slow, and still a modern experiment - 300 years is nothing. Kings, Rulers, Shah's, Emperors, Tyrants, those all have long histories. Democracies tended to be short lived. And very elitist. So we stumble on occasion, rise up on others. I will not agree with him to side with some personality or another, or for him to constantly scare the bejesus out of his family instead of loving his family. We live in a country that does not have bars on most of its homes. Our mail sits outside in our mailboxes, and in general, we step up to help when someone asks. 24 hour News affects your brain. Everyone's brain. Just like Social Media does to kids who spend their time on it. And we know it isn't good for you.
Follow your path...but if that path makes you bully, disrespect, or bludgeon your loved ones with your particular brand of belief, they have the right to exclude you. My world is a good world. My Country is a good country. We can make it better...as we were taught when I was a kid: progress not perfection. Democracy is trying...it isn't perfect. But who is?
I get that you care. I got that my friend cares too. He can't even go fishing anymore (which he absolutely loved) because no one will go with him. So no, I don't think I need to support him in his anger, nor do I have to view America through the eyes of people who think everyone but them...is wrong. I won't argue with you. You were a Captain, I was a grunt. Your Education was probably at a higher level than mine. Your staff meetings sure were. So maybe you are right, maybe you are not. And maybe after November we will end up like Yugoslavia or Ireland. If so, we survive, and try to make it work again.
Until then, I'd rather walk the park, play with my grandkids, and enjoy the days I have left.
(2)
(0)
Capt Jeff S.
Unfortunately, I don't share your optimism about how great the Biden economy is. Your friend does sound extreme. Perhaps he needs counseling. I try to see the good in things and right now, that is not easy. I believe most people try to do good but we are up against a demonic evil and there literally is a war going on for the heart and soul of this nation. I am encouraged that people are waking up to the cheating that went on in 2020 and hopeful that we can stop it from happening again. Time will tell.
Never forget that we are always one generation away from losing our freedom and the difference this time around is that the nation wasn't $34.7 Trillion in Debt. We are literally drowning in debt and that debt is like a millstone around our necks dragging us under. The Federal Reserve and our politicians who abdicated their responsibility to manage the nation's money supply and turned it over to a private group of international banksters that is no more federal than Federal Express. The Federal Reserve prints our money using our equipment, ink, and paper... and then lends OUR money to us and they make money off the interest having zero capital of their own invested. How does THAT work? ??!! The Federal Reserve has been ripping us off and they have never been fully audited. If they were to audit the Federal Reserve they would find a significant portion of our National Debt has gone to them. < Trillions! China owns a bunch of our debt and what's going to happen is that if we don't join the NWO, we will have to start chunking off pieces of this country to pay our creditors or stiff them and say come and get it. Neither option is a good one. We got Alaska from Russia, Florida from Spain, The Midwest from France, Texas from Mexico, and Hawaii asked to become a state. Allowing foreigners to buy land is a bad idea as is racking up debt you can't pay off. You become enslaved to those you owe money to. They own you and control you. I don't think it is in our interest to get in a position where we must sell off pieces of this country to settle our debts like the countries did that we got our land from.
Our debt IS a problem and it's one we're pushing off to future generations, whose money we spent on ourselves because we felt entitled. When they get to be our age, they're going to say sorry, no healthcare for you. We don't have the money.
Things were different back in the day, because more people attended church, believed in traditional family values and moral absolutes, and our children weren't being indoctrinated with the benefits of Progressive Democratic Socialism. The world is a different place. We are moving toward a one world government and I believe debt relief will be the carrot used to get America to give up its sovereignty and join the NWO.
Never forget that we are always one generation away from losing our freedom and the difference this time around is that the nation wasn't $34.7 Trillion in Debt. We are literally drowning in debt and that debt is like a millstone around our necks dragging us under. The Federal Reserve and our politicians who abdicated their responsibility to manage the nation's money supply and turned it over to a private group of international banksters that is no more federal than Federal Express. The Federal Reserve prints our money using our equipment, ink, and paper... and then lends OUR money to us and they make money off the interest having zero capital of their own invested. How does THAT work? ??!! The Federal Reserve has been ripping us off and they have never been fully audited. If they were to audit the Federal Reserve they would find a significant portion of our National Debt has gone to them. < Trillions! China owns a bunch of our debt and what's going to happen is that if we don't join the NWO, we will have to start chunking off pieces of this country to pay our creditors or stiff them and say come and get it. Neither option is a good one. We got Alaska from Russia, Florida from Spain, The Midwest from France, Texas from Mexico, and Hawaii asked to become a state. Allowing foreigners to buy land is a bad idea as is racking up debt you can't pay off. You become enslaved to those you owe money to. They own you and control you. I don't think it is in our interest to get in a position where we must sell off pieces of this country to settle our debts like the countries did that we got our land from.
Our debt IS a problem and it's one we're pushing off to future generations, whose money we spent on ourselves because we felt entitled. When they get to be our age, they're going to say sorry, no healthcare for you. We don't have the money.
Things were different back in the day, because more people attended church, believed in traditional family values and moral absolutes, and our children weren't being indoctrinated with the benefits of Progressive Democratic Socialism. The world is a different place. We are moving toward a one world government and I believe debt relief will be the carrot used to get America to give up its sovereignty and join the NWO.
(3)
(0)
(3)
(0)
SGT Kevin Hughes
Capt Jeff S. - Those are some astute observations, and in areas where I (mostly) have very little expertise. I am much more fearful of Fascism, than I am of Progressive Democratic Socialism. I spent a lot of time in the Baltic, and every one of those states is a Progressive Democracy, and five of them consistently rank as the happiest countries in the World. With a nice balance between work, and life.
The pendulum swings...and it is already centering itself in our country. I will tell you Captain, that just like the last election, the folks I talk to are not voting for the person they want, but against the person they don't want. It is a new world out there, not the one we grew up in. And neither of the major candidates are young enough to even glimpse the challenges of the life of a twenty or thirty year old in a world they left far behind decades ago.
When people were arguing about "Tariffs" - something I know little about, I went to the University, and over to my son't friends house who works on International Trade Contracts . He got sent to Britain to help with Brexit. Captain, there are literally a million agreements between different countries, businesses, and shipping folks, just to get toilet paper around the globe. How in the heck anybody is knowledgeable about all the different issues is beyond me. I spent months learning how much I didn't know. Just so I could offer a somewhat informed comment. So I don't bog myself down with deep dives in areas where people have spent their lives and educational focus learning how it all works.
My old First Sergeant was the head of the IRS in Austin. Nobody knows are entire tax code. He explained to me once that if you read a page a day of our tax code - it couldn't be read by an ordinary person with a 100 year life span. Complicated issues are reduced to sound bites...and most folks offering those strong opinions, aren't speaking for either experience or education, but parroting what they were told.
So I wish you luck on your journey. But I will not be surrounded with fear and anger, when my home is filled with love and safety. Our kids and grandkids don't visit us because they have too, or from tradition, they come over because they like being around us, and in our home.
I like my world.
The pendulum swings...and it is already centering itself in our country. I will tell you Captain, that just like the last election, the folks I talk to are not voting for the person they want, but against the person they don't want. It is a new world out there, not the one we grew up in. And neither of the major candidates are young enough to even glimpse the challenges of the life of a twenty or thirty year old in a world they left far behind decades ago.
When people were arguing about "Tariffs" - something I know little about, I went to the University, and over to my son't friends house who works on International Trade Contracts . He got sent to Britain to help with Brexit. Captain, there are literally a million agreements between different countries, businesses, and shipping folks, just to get toilet paper around the globe. How in the heck anybody is knowledgeable about all the different issues is beyond me. I spent months learning how much I didn't know. Just so I could offer a somewhat informed comment. So I don't bog myself down with deep dives in areas where people have spent their lives and educational focus learning how it all works.
My old First Sergeant was the head of the IRS in Austin. Nobody knows are entire tax code. He explained to me once that if you read a page a day of our tax code - it couldn't be read by an ordinary person with a 100 year life span. Complicated issues are reduced to sound bites...and most folks offering those strong opinions, aren't speaking for either experience or education, but parroting what they were told.
So I wish you luck on your journey. But I will not be surrounded with fear and anger, when my home is filled with love and safety. Our kids and grandkids don't visit us because they have too, or from tradition, they come over because they like being around us, and in our home.
I like my world.
(1)
(0)
4
4
0
@SGT Kevin Hughes Excellent share... very honest & appropriate advice to your friend... his loss if you lose him as a friend...
(4)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google