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Getting out of my comfort zone
Since coming home from Iraq in 2007 I have had issues with large crowds. Taking my wife to diner, attending family events, bars, weddings, and even going with her shopping puts me so far over the edge that I’m looking for door or an escape route within minutes of arrival at our destination. I have been working on those issues over last few years and have gotten to the point that I’m not as jumpy as long as I can see an exit.
Every year since my wife and I have been together, on Thanksgiving she watches the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and reminds me that it is her dream to someday go to New York to see the parade in person. I usually laugh it off and suggest that she call one of her sisters to go with her. That generally ends up with some pouting, a foot stomp, and the end of the conversation for a year. Until this year.
In February of this year my wife and I joined a Luxury Travel Club. At first I was skeptical about the club, there was just no way the trips were as good as they advertising for the price we were going to pay, or there was some sort of catch and we would get nickeled and dimed to death on the back end. Man, was I glad I was wrong and I freely admitted that to wife. For me the greatest thing about the club is that it is not group travel, you just get a group discount price which is anywhere from 30% to 70% off the normal price.
Our first trip was to San Francisco over the 4th of July weekend. We stayed at the Hyatt Fisherman’s Warf which is just off Pier 39. We got on a boat for cruse under the Golden Gate Bridge then sat out in the Bay for the fireworks. Drinks, food and music. My wife and I had a blast.
As soon as we got home from San Fran we started looking for our next trip and my wife found one that we would both enjoy. A tower suet at the Palms in Las Vegas for New Years that includes VIP tickets to the number 1 club in Vegas with open bar and a helicopter tour of the Strip at dusk. I told her she would have to keep me awake for the helicopter ride since helicopters have tendency to put me to sleep.
This past weekend as I was waiting to get my hair cut, I was flipping through app for the travel club on my phone when my nemesis popped up. 5 days 4 nights at the Le Parker Meridien in New York City for Thanksgiving and the Macy’s Parade. At first I wanted to throw my phone out the window and never mention it to my wife. Then I got angry with myself. “This is my wife’s Dream Trip, she doesn’t want to go on this trip with her sisters, she wants me to go, and I had been denying her the opportunity to go on this trip for 7 years because of my issues with crowds!”
After I got done chewing my own butt, I opened the trip details, hoping that it would be just too expensive because we had already booked Vegas. Wrong again. The price for the 2 of us to go on this trip to New York City was about $200.00 more than what 2 nights at the Le Parker Meridien would cost. So I booked the trip.
When I got home I had to break the bad news to my wife that I had booked us another trip. At first she was mad as hell because we are supposed to discuss subjects that involve spending money. Then I told her it was her dream trip to New York for Thanksgiving and she hasn’t stopped smiling since. There goes my comfort zone.
You can’t let things in your head keep you from enjoying life with your loved ones.
Since coming home from Iraq in 2007 I have had issues with large crowds. Taking my wife to diner, attending family events, bars, weddings, and even going with her shopping puts me so far over the edge that I’m looking for door or an escape route within minutes of arrival at our destination. I have been working on those issues over last few years and have gotten to the point that I’m not as jumpy as long as I can see an exit.
Every year since my wife and I have been together, on Thanksgiving she watches the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and reminds me that it is her dream to someday go to New York to see the parade in person. I usually laugh it off and suggest that she call one of her sisters to go with her. That generally ends up with some pouting, a foot stomp, and the end of the conversation for a year. Until this year.
In February of this year my wife and I joined a Luxury Travel Club. At first I was skeptical about the club, there was just no way the trips were as good as they advertising for the price we were going to pay, or there was some sort of catch and we would get nickeled and dimed to death on the back end. Man, was I glad I was wrong and I freely admitted that to wife. For me the greatest thing about the club is that it is not group travel, you just get a group discount price which is anywhere from 30% to 70% off the normal price.
Our first trip was to San Francisco over the 4th of July weekend. We stayed at the Hyatt Fisherman’s Warf which is just off Pier 39. We got on a boat for cruse under the Golden Gate Bridge then sat out in the Bay for the fireworks. Drinks, food and music. My wife and I had a blast.
As soon as we got home from San Fran we started looking for our next trip and my wife found one that we would both enjoy. A tower suet at the Palms in Las Vegas for New Years that includes VIP tickets to the number 1 club in Vegas with open bar and a helicopter tour of the Strip at dusk. I told her she would have to keep me awake for the helicopter ride since helicopters have tendency to put me to sleep.
This past weekend as I was waiting to get my hair cut, I was flipping through app for the travel club on my phone when my nemesis popped up. 5 days 4 nights at the Le Parker Meridien in New York City for Thanksgiving and the Macy’s Parade. At first I wanted to throw my phone out the window and never mention it to my wife. Then I got angry with myself. “This is my wife’s Dream Trip, she doesn’t want to go on this trip with her sisters, she wants me to go, and I had been denying her the opportunity to go on this trip for 7 years because of my issues with crowds!”
After I got done chewing my own butt, I opened the trip details, hoping that it would be just too expensive because we had already booked Vegas. Wrong again. The price for the 2 of us to go on this trip to New York City was about $200.00 more than what 2 nights at the Le Parker Meridien would cost. So I booked the trip.
When I got home I had to break the bad news to my wife that I had booked us another trip. At first she was mad as hell because we are supposed to discuss subjects that involve spending money. Then I told her it was her dream trip to New York for Thanksgiving and she hasn’t stopped smiling since. There goes my comfort zone.
You can’t let things in your head keep you from enjoying life with your loved ones.
Posted in these groups: 
PTSD
PTSD
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 26
7
7
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I am very uncomfortable in crowds so I tend to avoid them at all costs.
(7)
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SFC Patricia Zechel
I'm with you Wayne. I'm more of a solitude person and being around to many people at once makes me uneasy, sppecially when everyone is all taking at once.
(2)
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CPL Eric Escasio
I am both with you in the same boat, I try to do exposures myself on my own. I used to love to watch concerts and basketball games. Now I cant, but not giving hope on this I try my best to cope with it and find the joy in it. My last attempt I didnt manage to stay the whole event but I managed to stay and come over an event even for just 30 minutes or less, until I feel to the fears on crowded areas. I took off immediately as I got out on the open clearing I managed to breath normally again. My thoughts on that is that I was just probably overwhelmed with the laser light show and the flashing lights. I consider it a victory to my recovery because I managed to go out and try it for once. The next day my friends called me and asked where did I go. Since my friends have no clue what PTSD means, I tell them "its just a soldier thing".
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MAJ Ken Landgren
I try to drive during non rush hour. I cogitate about the rhythm of stores and do the opposite of the masses like I get a haircut on Friday afternoon because the soldiers are thinking about the weekend, not getting a haircut.
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Being retired from the State Police I had to deal with crowds all the time. You get use to it and it doesn't bother me at all. If I get uncomfortable, I remove myself from the situation. No big deal!
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LT Tim Baker
Take time to scan the area before you get there. Locate possible exit routes and find a secluded area. Try to keep crowd visible from a frontal vantage point to feel in control. If feeling overwhelmed, navigate through crowd calmly to predetermined secluded area. Instead of focusing on the uncontrollable situation, I count numbers silently, or internally recite memorized dialing such as the general orders of a sentry, the preamble of the constitution,, a long prayer, or a song that brings positive thoughts thereby taking control while increasing confidence. I do this while focused on the final objective (getting to the secluded area or 'safe' zone to mentally regroup).
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