Posted on Dec 31, 2014
Funny "that didn't just happen" moments of your career?
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I'll start this one off with a self deprecating story. I was a newly minted Infantry 2LT dumber than a bag of hammers right out of Ranger school who'd just reported in to my very first unit which happened to be in the field. I was told to wait outside for the CO and 1SG who promptly showed up and with little fanfare said "hop in the back LT." So here I am riding in the back of an old M151 Jeep, I know I'm seriously dating myself but we were just getting the HUMVEE's. Anyway, I'm sitting in the back seat behind the company commander and there was an E-7 sitting behind the driver who happened to be the 1SG. The jeep had no top on it and I'm 6' 6" so I'm naturally sitting up pretty high, about a full kevlar and a half above the E-7 to my left. Anyway, just before I got in the back of the Jeep I'd put a fat dip of Copenhagen in my lip. Well the 1SG was in a big hurry and hauling the mail so to speak to get back downrange and we were screaming down the tank trail. About a mile down the trail I had to spit so I leaned over the side of the jeep trying not to get bounced out and spit a huge stream of tobacco juice out of my mouth. The slipstream of the jeep caught my gigantic glob of tobacco spit and carried it around the back of the Jeep up the left side and slapped it against the E-7's face sitting beside me. Now that might not have been so bad except he just sat there, silent, stoic and grizzled while I contemplated throwing myself under the wheels of the hurtling Jeep and thinking Holy Mother of God that didn't just happen, did it? After what seemed like forever the E-7 slowly turned to look at me with dark brown tobacco juice clinging to the side of his face and dripping from his chin and said, "LT, I'm SFC Dravland your Platoon Sergeant and I can see we're going to get along just fine." I almost passed out and fell over the side of the Jeep. Talk about your first impressions. We absolutely DID get along and man was I lucky.
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I was on a submarine and we had some Academy Midshipmen riding us for their "Summer Cruise" and this led to one of my greatest "that didn't just happen" moments...
Ordinarily, to empty the san tank (aka the poop tank), the auxiliaryman of the watch would pump the stuff overboard. During this particular evolution, however, the san pump was down and they had to pressurize the tanks to blow the stuff overboard. This changed the valve line-up and the head (aka latrines for you Army types) was secured (and danger-tagged to show it was out of service).
One of the Midshipmen had just woken up and stumbled into the head, apparently not seeing the signs, and used the urinal. When he opened the valve to "flush" it and the path of least resistance led to the poor bastard picking little toilet paper butterflies out of his hair and eyes and seriously needing a shower and an emergency session with the laundry, lol...
When you first get onboard submarines, you hear these stories, but you can never truly appreciate them until you see it for yourself (hopefully as a witness and not a victim, lol).
Ordinarily, to empty the san tank (aka the poop tank), the auxiliaryman of the watch would pump the stuff overboard. During this particular evolution, however, the san pump was down and they had to pressurize the tanks to blow the stuff overboard. This changed the valve line-up and the head (aka latrines for you Army types) was secured (and danger-tagged to show it was out of service).
One of the Midshipmen had just woken up and stumbled into the head, apparently not seeing the signs, and used the urinal. When he opened the valve to "flush" it and the path of least resistance led to the poor bastard picking little toilet paper butterflies out of his hair and eyes and seriously needing a shower and an emergency session with the laundry, lol...
When you first get onboard submarines, you hear these stories, but you can never truly appreciate them until you see it for yourself (hopefully as a witness and not a victim, lol).
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CW5 (Join to see)
That is a great story, PO3 (Join to see)! Another one of those laughing-out-loud ones. Thanks for sharing!
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We once had to go to a Battalion Officer's Social at someone's house. I think my wife and another wife were showing their expecting bellies in their dresses in the kitchen talking. There happened to be a third wife standing there too.
My first sergeant, came into the room, and made a comment about the 3 being pregnant and expecting. Problem is that the third wife was not, she was just a little big in that area. He was so embarrassed he excused himself and soon left a bit early.
My first sergeant, came into the room, and made a comment about the 3 being pregnant and expecting. Problem is that the third wife was not, she was just a little big in that area. He was so embarrassed he excused himself and soon left a bit early.
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COL Roger Lintz
That's the Holy Grail of social faux pa's. I've made that mistake before. Now if I see a woman flat on her back doing Lamaze breathing I will NOT ask if she's pregnant.
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Our first night in BMT, September 1987, we made it to our barracks after much ass chewing from the TIs. Our Flight TI barked at us to square away our gear and get in the latrine and remove all that damned facial hair. "I don't want to see a hair on those faces!" We all fervently broke out our shave kits and dug in...I looked to my right and saw some genius had just shaved off his eyebrows, and the guy next to him had just shaved off one of his! The TI came in around that time and I think he literally shit a brick. He was so pissed he was at a loss for words, and the poor bastard that had just shaved off one eyebrow...didn't know whether to shave off the other one or just let the shaved one grow back. He chose the latter.
The best part was the Snake Pit and the jeering our TI received from the other TIs as these two rocket surgeons passed by with their breakfast/lunch/dinner trays. Definitely took a little heat off the rest of us.
The best part was the Snake Pit and the jeering our TI received from the other TIs as these two rocket surgeons passed by with their breakfast/lunch/dinner trays. Definitely took a little heat off the rest of us.
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