Posted on Jan 6, 2015
Prejudice, Bigotry, Homophobia in the Military...
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I was recently reading a topic on here about Transgender men and and women in the military and while it was primarily positive comments, one thread really, really disappointed me. The people posting went on and on about how people aren't "born gay", aren't "born transgendered" and one person made a comment about how they had a bunch of gay friends but most of them were now deceased from AIDS, which makes me inclined to think he didn't really HAVE any gay friends but wanted people to think he was "down with those gays". This blew my mind because I very rarely came across this kind of blatant, and I won't call it hatred, but.. ignorance about different people while I was in. I'd heard(and yeah, participated in) the standard politically incorrect things we all say while we're deployed and trying to deal with our issues with the country we're in and the people who in a lot of cases hate us.. but most of that was in jest... Now that I'm out however.. I am seeing a lot of willful hatred towards the LGBT community from the military community that I love and honestly, it breaks my heart. Take into consideration that I'm not exactly a delicate little flower. I was with the Cav for half of my time in and it was the best time of my service. I loved it.
What I'm looking for are similiar experiences.. advice.. opinions.. anything. If you're coming here to spew hate, don't bother. There's enough of that in the world already.
What I'm looking for are similiar experiences.. advice.. opinions.. anything. If you're coming here to spew hate, don't bother. There's enough of that in the world already.
Posted in these groups: 
LGBTQ+
LGBTQ+
Posted >1 y ago
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It is going to take time, and there is no way to just wish that away. Right or wrong, people hold their beliefs very strongly and it will take them a bit to get used to this new frontier. The best thing to do is just give people space to process. We do more damage by trying to make people hide their thoughts and create forced interactions. I know it is well intended but force tends to close hearts, not open them. In time, as the world continues to evolve, they'll evolve (or die out). It will happen. Maybe not in the time frame that you want, or that is even fair, but it will.
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This is the discrepancy between social media and personal interaction. If we were all in a room together, many people would never say half the things they feel more free to say online.
At one unit, I had a bunch of male soldiers call me a bitch and forced me to make sandwiches.
Not really. I'm typing from a house right now, and not prison.
The point is: people are always going to have a conflict of opinion. There is nothing wrong with civil discussion or dissension. However, hateful bigots aren't quite as clever as they think they are. If you are a giant d-bag, chances are, it's not a secret to most folks who know you on a personal level.
I have not revisited the Transgender thread because I felt that I was losing objectivity. And I would suggest a similar COA for you. Many of the views expressed are not representative of your former leadership or brothers and sisters-in-arms.
Thank you for your service, Jessica, and empathy. Best wishes.
At one unit, I had a bunch of male soldiers call me a bitch and forced me to make sandwiches.
Not really. I'm typing from a house right now, and not prison.
The point is: people are always going to have a conflict of opinion. There is nothing wrong with civil discussion or dissension. However, hateful bigots aren't quite as clever as they think they are. If you are a giant d-bag, chances are, it's not a secret to most folks who know you on a personal level.
I have not revisited the Transgender thread because I felt that I was losing objectivity. And I would suggest a similar COA for you. Many of the views expressed are not representative of your former leadership or brothers and sisters-in-arms.
Thank you for your service, Jessica, and empathy. Best wishes.
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SPC (Join to see)
SGT (Join to see) Thank you for your service and also...Your post made me laugh. I did hear a lot of the "Hayes, make me a sandwich" bullshit when I was in, but a 2 second dead-eye would nip that right in the bud.
I think you're definitely correct. A lot of people seem to "grow a pair" on the internet where if they were faced with a gay troop face to face, they wouldn't say a word. I eventually also left the Transgender thread, partially because I was so disgusted by the open hostility I was seeing towards gay and transgendered people and partially because you're right about it losing objectivity. People were responding with religious beliefs, or something their folks told them when they grew up instead of their ACTUAL experiences in the military. Because we definitely had gay troops at my basic, AIT, and in my units and I assure everyone that they weren't running around groping everyone or raising hell about the fact that if they died overseas their partners wouldn't be informed and wouldn't receive any benefits. They quietly did their jobs and kept to themselves because they WANTED to help, not hinder, their units.
I think you're definitely correct. A lot of people seem to "grow a pair" on the internet where if they were faced with a gay troop face to face, they wouldn't say a word. I eventually also left the Transgender thread, partially because I was so disgusted by the open hostility I was seeing towards gay and transgendered people and partially because you're right about it losing objectivity. People were responding with religious beliefs, or something their folks told them when they grew up instead of their ACTUAL experiences in the military. Because we definitely had gay troops at my basic, AIT, and in my units and I assure everyone that they weren't running around groping everyone or raising hell about the fact that if they died overseas their partners wouldn't be informed and wouldn't receive any benefits. They quietly did their jobs and kept to themselves because they WANTED to help, not hinder, their units.
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People react to change at times. I still remember the exact day DADT was officially taken off the books, my buddy wanted to run around waving a rainbow flag while deployed.... We talked her out of it for a few reasons. My point is, though I love the service I have met many who felt safe to make it public they have negative views of anyone other than strictly heterosexual soldiers. I think for a while yet they will be ranting on social media, where people feel far safer than they actually are, because they don't like the change.
In 2003 when I first joined the only soldier I knew willing to admit she was homosexual was hoping they would discharge so she could go home. In 2006 when I reclassed, and don't ask why but ended up with the iET folkes, we had people who were publicly dating (which hadn't even been allowed hetro at my '03 school) and even one girl that we were all aware had both a boyfriend and girlfriend. And of course we had 1SG's pet who'd report it all in hopes of reward.
It's been shift in the military's own social environment. It's still in process, and I expect it will be for years if not decades to come. Gay Marriage/Marriage equality isn't supported in every state and when join we bring a bit of home with each of us.
It's not acceptable, but you can't force everyone to acknowledge that their values might need some tweaking over night.
One step at a time.
In 2003 when I first joined the only soldier I knew willing to admit she was homosexual was hoping they would discharge so she could go home. In 2006 when I reclassed, and don't ask why but ended up with the iET folkes, we had people who were publicly dating (which hadn't even been allowed hetro at my '03 school) and even one girl that we were all aware had both a boyfriend and girlfriend. And of course we had 1SG's pet who'd report it all in hopes of reward.
It's been shift in the military's own social environment. It's still in process, and I expect it will be for years if not decades to come. Gay Marriage/Marriage equality isn't supported in every state and when join we bring a bit of home with each of us.
It's not acceptable, but you can't force everyone to acknowledge that their values might need some tweaking over night.
One step at a time.
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