What is the funniest thing you've seen as a Jumpmaster?

I was safety on a C-130 jump at Bragg. A SSG in our ground Troop sitting about middle of the chalk had filled a barf bag with Chicken a la King and stuffed it in his shirt prior to boarding. During the flight, he started making puking sounds and motions, pulled out the bag and pretended to puke into it. He wiped his mouth, reached into his pocket, pulled out a spoon and began eating the contents of the bag. Major chain reaction......had about 10+ real barf bags to pick up when we landed!

I was JMing a C-130 tailgate jump back around 1987. We had a brand new 2LT making his cherry jump after graduating jump school. He was wearing one of several white painted steel pot cherry helmets we had made up for such occasions back then, complete with a painted on bullseye target on the top, red cherries and slogan’s such as “steer away” and look out below.” He was just going by me when he slipped and fell on his ass. He was so determined to jump he simply but rapidly scooted the last six feet on his ass and off the end of the tailgate. He’s an O-6 now and reminds me of that story each time we run into one another – he’s rather proud of his cherry jump!

I was static safety on a CH-47 jump, tied into the bird on a monkey harness. I had a young fellow who may or may not have been a cherry, but he was scared out of his gourd. I went through the jump commands, checking him myself because he wasn't moving at all. I said, "Stand by!", and pointed where I wanted him. He didn't move.

I reached up and grabbed his arm and pulled him to where I wanted him. When I let go, he backed up. So I grabbed his arm again and held onto him while doing my final safety checks. When the Green came on, I slapped his leg and yelled, "Go!" He stood there.

So I grabbed his arm with both hands and threw him headfirst out the back. The last I saw on him he was windmilling his arms so fast, I thought he was trying to fly like a bird.