Anybody know where I can find a bucket of steam and bottle of bulkhead remover?

Go get a Boatswains crank.

So, this first one was for the most part an accident. We were running ORSE work-up drills and we had a new sonar tech on board. The Chief in Crews Mess sees a new kid that's a non warfare qualified 3rd class and assumes nuke, so out goes the order to get a portable air sample from outside the engine room. The kid, being on the boat for about a week, and 2nd day at sea grabs a trash bag and walks over and fills it with air, then walks back into Crew's Mess. He just stares at the chief for a second, and finally asks "Ok chief, what do you want me to do with it?" Most all of the nukes were dying laughing. The chief (TM) didn't know how to respond to this, he didn't know if the kid was joking, or really what even just happened. Our lead ELT stepped in and got the portable air sampler out, and showed the kid how the filter goes in, and showed him to make sure it's on the 0.3 cubic meter setting. The ELT then took the bag of air from the sonar tech and held it over the intake and started the machine (to demonstrate that a 33 gallon trash bag is not NEARLY large enough for 0.3 cubic meters). After the machine shut it'self off, and the bag was only about half deflated the ELT just looked a the TM chief in charge and pointed out that the new ST just took a better air sample than our emergency equipment did. Laughter resumed.

Other fun things to send new guys looking for:
I need about 4 feet of fal-oh-piean tube, go ask the ELT's if they have any.
Hey, go up to A-Gang and see if I can get a machinist punch from them.
We need to fatten up the shaft seals, go see if the cooks have any seal oil.
Decaf coffee (didn't have it on our boat)
Go see if A-Gang will let us borrow their left handed pipe wrench.
Go see if A-Gang has a left handed #2 Phillips screw driver we can borrow.
Go ask the torpedo men if we can borrow a left handed 11/16 socket, I know they have one...
See if you can get this thing to work (Hand a machinist a megger that's hooked to the hand rail they're sitting on and the sound mounted hydraulic pipe they're leaning on)

Help I need an ID-10T form filled out before I can Prop start this Apache so I can get an exhaust sample.

"Piston Return Springs" and "Muffler Main Bearings" was one's I loved using

Sent a 30 day wonder looking for a can of compression. He said that he saw three cans earlier in the day.

Making a boot in the navy on his first ship to stand mail bouy watch on the bow.

Has anyone been able to find the mid-Atlantic telephone switchboard?

Looking for a 90 degree TR double E! I'm sure the Supply Sarge has some left over! He normally keeps them next to the inflatable flack vests.

There is always the relative bearing grease, or batteries for the sound powered phones. One of the older ones is get 50' of gig line.

How about the chem light batteries or finding some rotor wash