Clearing CIF !! What is your best (worst) story ?

Not in the same class as many of these, but when I went to CIF to leave Ft. Leonard Wood, MO after Basic and AIT, I was standing in line holding my duffel bag against my chest like a hundred or so other brand new combat engineers waiting my turn after days of cleaning kit. A bird flew over and crapped on my duffel bag.

PVT Robert Gresham - As a company commander at Ft Benning, I noticed that a soldier rarely was able to clear CIF on the first visit because something would always be rejected as "dirty" or something. That required the soldier to have to report back on another day, after having applied the corrective action required (at times, only to have another item that had previously been deemed OK to now be deemed "dirty").... We tried to implement policies to ensure soldiers had no issues at CIF, like having their gear inspected by an NCO before going to CIF, but that was only partially successful, as the civilian CIF personnel obviously had a different opinion about what was clean and serviceable than we did.

I complained about the CIF process to the Ft Benning DOL and even suggested that my company was being treated differently than others because we were MPs. I got no satisfaction, so I decided to do something to prove my point.

We took the CIF issue of the next two soldiers reporting to the unit and gave it to two soldiers to turn in (without it being touched by anyone since it was issued). When it was being turned in, both soldiers failed the turn-in because of "dirty and unserviceable" items (items that had just been issued from that CIF and not used). I brought this to the attention of the CIF Manager and the DOL, both of whom just basically blew me off. I then went to the IG and they launched their own investigation and it was eventually cleaned up, although I had already changed command and PCS'd before seeing it come to resolution.

It appears that troubles with CIF go all the way to the top too! ;)

Oh man, that was funny as hell, especially the bit about the hat. I had my body armor stolen and bought a MUCH larger set off one of my buddies for cheap. The guy looked at me like I was nuts, but the size info was worn off (*whistles innocently*) so he took it.

I still have nightmares about the multiple trips only to end up having something rejected because it didn't look brand new.

So I was clearing Ft Irwin, CA getting ready to PCS to Ft Stewart, GA. Even though my deletion of orders hadnt come through yet (I was on assignment as a 12B but had re-enlisted back to Medic). So, as I was clearing (during block leave time), the CIF guy said to me "See you in a few days" after I had gone through 2 days of back and forth with what was dirty and what wasnt. After FINALLY clearing CIF, and I go to clear S-1, they tell me to stop clearing because my orders re revoked and new orders to Germany were given (but with an even later report date). So, I had to GO BACK to CIF and get all my gear again. The CIF guy that took in my stuff was the same guy that re-issued me my stuff. He looked at me, smiled and said "See, I told you so." When I left for Germany, clearing was easier the second time.

Clearing FT Campbell a few years back after returning from deployment where my plate carrier had been destroyed. All of the kevlar mat had come from together while washing it. When they asked where the kevlar inserts were I reached into my bag and pulled out a giant yarn ball of kevlar weave and gently set it on the vest.
"Anything else?"
Blank stare
"Nope... Your good to go."

Get the LT to flipl... The vultures at CIF are hired as a means to test your fortitude against beating them to death with a K Pot.

Is there a character limit for replies? Geez...

Oh the memories! At the 10th Mountain Division we received about 2 shopping carts of gear. Upon turn in they wanted the items back in 'new' condition even though you received them in fair/poor condition. The mickey mouse boots (big white ones) were scuff magnets and I must have tried every chemical known to man before I discovered that Soft Scrub cleaned them easily! A green marker was great for LBE and Flak jackets!

Long ago we looked into it and found it may have started during Civil War. If you did not bring your own horse, bridal, saddle, blankets and so on to Muster they were issued by your unit; you had to either return them or replace them in serviceable condition or declare a combat loss. If you brought your own horse you were paid a few dollars extra each month. Even if you transferred to another unit, you "did not keep your stripes" meaning you turned them in, as you had to find a "slot" in another unit. That may have likely evolved into the tradition of unit unique items, the silly laundry bag, etc.