Posted on Jan 5, 2014
Do you counsel your Soldiers before they get married and if so, what topics do you cover?
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Posted in these groups: 
Counseling
Marriage
Counseling Marriage
Posted 12 y ago
Responses: 22
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This is probably not the worst idea. There is merit to it, but you pretty much need to limit yourself to what the Army has to say about marriage. Otherwise, you are dipping into personal opinion about marriage. While that may be ok for you as a counselor...pass that to the train wreck of an NCO in the next platoon. Great NCO, but he's got a freak flag a half mile long. He's the last guy you want talking to someone about marriage.
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I say yes. People forget that not all counseling is negative. By counseling him/her you need to be supportive and educate him/her. I would inform them of the responsibilities associated with the military. Like DEERS enrollment. I would highly recommend that they get educated on Tricare to help him pick the right one for their needs. Maybe toss in some financial counseling. The problem is our leaders have only used this tool for negative things. Counseling is a great tool! This forum is a sort of counseling, anytime a Soldier asks a question or seeks advice they are looking for "Counsel". Remember, it can be verbal or written. But I would write this one so they would have a list of things and regs to refer to.
SGM Smith
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LCpl Johnna Cowell Shutty
As a Marine and military spouse. Everyone talks about budgeting and things the service member has to do like DEERS but premarital counseling should go to both parties. The reposibilties of the spouse need to be very clearly defined. And it needs to be pointed out to the perspective spouse that their actions reflect on the service member and can affect their career adversely
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Although there is not a lot you can interject because it is their business and not ours, when I was a CFNCO I would recommend the couple come to see me, so we could discuss budgets and combined salaries and financial wants over needs. It was a good base of where to begin, and I would always recommend they also have a chat with the chaplain for some possible marriage counseling if they had some concerns or worries, and our chaplain was very modern in the way he talked to younger couples, was the type that would not hold back and tell you like it was and not sugarcoat it, I was a big fan of that man.
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MSG Phil Herndon, I always did. Sometimes the younger Soldiers need to here it from someone else besides friends and family. I would also inform them that was not there trying to sway their decision but only give them advice and information I can in order for them to make the best decision for oneself. BLUF Soldiers have a history of rushing into unfamiliar situations; their problems often became my problems. The topics I covered where: Trust, Loyalty, money, communication, compromise, change, and expectation management.
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I'd have to say this is probably the worst idea ever. Maybe it's just me. There are so many ways the military noses it's way into every single facet of our lives. Especially as junior soldiers! Room inspections, gear inspections, controlling the food you eat by making you take a meal card etc... But the one thing I try to keep as far away the military influence as possible is my marriage. If my leader ever said ANYTHING to me beyond congrats, I would probably tell them in the most respectful way possible to mind their business. If I need help I will ask. The same goes for my soldiers. I try not to intrude into their personal lives any more than I'm required to. That's not to say that I won't OFFER advice "do you need some help?" Or "if you need ANYTHING, please ask and I would love to help" but that's it. If they want help, I'll help, if not, I realize it's not my place.
Just my two cents.
Just my two cents.
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SGT Bradley L.
I formally counseled several soldiers who were getting married, and it was never to tell them not to. My counselings just informed them of all the services available on post to transition into a successful married life (Such as financial planning and counseling services). The only reason I did it, was that I had seen other NCO's get burned because soldiers would say no one ever told me there was free help. I also would tell them they could utilize the services whenever they needed. Beyond that I never said anything one way or another about if they should or shouldn't get married.
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SGT (Join to see)
Hey Brad! I suppose that makes sense. I guess it just irritates me that some people put on stripes and suddenly become mechanics (vehicle inspections), life coaches on living standards in the barracks, and now certified marriage counselors.
I suppose I said more or less the same thing, just in a much more informal and less I intrusive way.
I would like to think that the army is full of responsible adults, grown men and women capable of functioning by themselves. People who will ask for help if they need it. This will probably end up burning me in the long run... But it feels too much likeass punishment having to do room inspections and vehicle inspections (and arraign counselings). Because some kid screwed up and didn't handle his own business, everyone else suffers through these things.
I suppose I said more or less the same thing, just in a much more informal and less I intrusive way.
I would like to think that the army is full of responsible adults, grown men and women capable of functioning by themselves. People who will ask for help if they need it. This will probably end up burning me in the long run... But it feels too much likeass punishment having to do room inspections and vehicle inspections (and arraign counselings). Because some kid screwed up and didn't handle his own business, everyone else suffers through these things.
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SSG V. Michelle Woods
I know for my soldier, she is still very new to the military and therefore doesn't know about the many programs out there for military families. That's the entirety of my counseling for her.
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This is a interesting subject. I think counseling to show the SM what services are available to him/her and the spouse, beyond that, you might be considered being offensive. We all also know that 'married couple' who got married to get out of the barracks, PCS to a different area, BAH and probably a million more. Beyond counseling them to show them what services are available, I think anything else could get you in trouble...
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I have not done a formal 4856 for this particular action but I have discussed it verbally.
Many young Soldiers just jump into marriage without thinking about all the ramifications. Like SFC Sean Sewell stated there are many instances where we do not even know a Soldier is thinking about or even doing it.
Maybe we should make it part of a Soldiers initial counseling into the unit. It could also be written as a separate counseling but I believe it should be informative coming to a unit. Especially for first term Soldiers. As far as avoiding what COL (Join to see) mentioned we could utilize the multitude of organizations assistance when writing it to ensure neutrality.
Bottom line, we as Leaders need to ensure our Soldiers are making an informed decision and not a happy moment one.
Many young Soldiers just jump into marriage without thinking about all the ramifications. Like SFC Sean Sewell stated there are many instances where we do not even know a Soldier is thinking about or even doing it.
Maybe we should make it part of a Soldiers initial counseling into the unit. It could also be written as a separate counseling but I believe it should be informative coming to a unit. Especially for first term Soldiers. As far as avoiding what COL (Join to see) mentioned we could utilize the multitude of organizations assistance when writing it to ensure neutrality.
Bottom line, we as Leaders need to ensure our Soldiers are making an informed decision and not a happy moment one.
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Don't get involved with strippers or anyone that lives within 100 miles of a military base. Strippers aren't all bad people and not everyone that lives within 100 miles of a military base is attached to the military somehow, but it's best to just avoid them all to err on the side of caution. The last thing you want is to be paying alimony/child support to Gina G-String or finding out that you slept with Mrs. Brigade Commander or Daddy CSMs daughter.
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SPC(P) Jay Heenan
Hahahaha, now that I am old, I have been trying to convince my wife to let me bring a stripper home for years. I told her it was just like cable only live...
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This is just me but I think it is wonderful to counsel because you can tell a troop what to expect and what that marriage means. Long deployments affect the whole family. We used to get tape recordings on mini-reel to reels when dad went to Korea and Thailand. The separation can be hard and I think this is the kind of thing that should be explained. TDYs, Emergency Deployments can happen suddenly. Contingency plans in the case of mobilization.
So many considerations, far more than civilian life.
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Warn of the dangers of meeting/ marrying civilians who reside near major installations. More to the point, if they are or were a stripper I strongly advocate not getting married, as a number of junior soldiers have done so and then gotten robbed blind during the divorce proceedings.
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