Posted on Mar 7, 2015
Do you have a good joke that when you think of it you just laugh out loud?
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They say that a good joke, that makes you laugh, is good for the mind and soul? Do you have one that you can share?
"When Love Fades..."
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!"
"When Love Fades..."
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner my Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!"
Posted in these groups: 
Humor
Humor
Edited 10 y ago
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 40
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I love poems, don't you? Here's one of my favorites. I hope you like it? SF!
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Three strangers
strike up a conversation in the airport lounge in
Bozeman , Montana ,
awaiting their flights. ️
One is an American Indian, passing thru from
Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on his way to Billings for a
livestock show. And
the third is a fundamentalist Arab student from the Middle
East, newly arrived
at Montana State University .
Their discussion drifts to their diverse
cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a
devout, radical
Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans
back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and
tips his big
sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is
blowing tumbleweeds
around and the old windsock is flapping, but still no plane
comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly
speaks. “At
one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are
few."
The
Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, “Once
my people were few,"
he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose
that is?"
The
Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his
mouth, and from the
darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, “That's
'cause we ain't played
Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's
a-comin'".
strike up a conversation in the airport lounge in
Bozeman , Montana ,
awaiting their flights. ️
One is an American Indian, passing thru from
Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on his way to Billings for a
livestock show. And
the third is a fundamentalist Arab student from the Middle
East, newly arrived
at Montana State University .
Their discussion drifts to their diverse
cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a
devout, radical
Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans
back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and
tips his big
sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is
blowing tumbleweeds
around and the old windsock is flapping, but still no plane
comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly
speaks. “At
one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are
few."
The
Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, “Once
my people were few,"
he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose
that is?"
The
Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his
mouth, and from the
darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, “That's
'cause we ain't played
Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's
a-comin'".
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PO2 Wesley Wilson
ok that one made my friend think I was having a seizure from trying to be quiet and laugh
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Sgt Tom Cunnally
Upon becoming Commandant, General Gray was expected to do a
great deal of 'formal entertaining'...fancy dinner parties in full dress
blue uniform. Now, the General would rather have been in the field
eating cold 'C-rats' around a fighting hole with a bunch of young 'hard
charging' Marines. But the General knew his duty and as a Marine he was
determined to do it to the best of his ability.
During these formal parties, a detachment of highly polished
Marines from 'Eighth and Eye' (Marine Barracks located at 8th and I
Streets in Washington, D.C., home of the Silent Drill Team) were
detailed to assume the position of 'parade rest' at various intervals
around the ballroom where the festivities were being held.
At some point during one of these affairs, a very refined,
blue-haired lady picked up a tray of pastries and went around the room
offering confections to the guests. When she noticed these Marines in
dress blues, standing like sculptures all around the room, she was moved
with admiration. She knew that several of these men were fresh from our
victory in Kuwait . She made a beeline for the closest Lance Corporal,
drew near him and asked, 'Would you like pastry young man?'
The young Marine snapped to 'attention' and replied, "I don't
eat that shit, Ma'am." Just as quickly, he resumed the position of
'parade rest.' His gaze remained fixed on some distant point throughout
the exchange.
The fancy lady was completely taken aback! She blinked, her eyes
widened, her mouth dropped open. So startled was she that she
immediately began to doubt what she had heard. In a quivering voice she
asked, "W-W-What did you say?"
The Marine snapped back to the position of 'attention' (like the
arm of a mousetrap smacking it's wooden base). Then he said, '"I don't
eat that shit, Ma'am." And just as smartly as before, back to the
position of 'parade rest' he went.
This time, there was no doubt. The fancy lady immediately became
incensed and felt insulted. After all, here she was an important lady,
taking the time to offer something nice to this enlisted man (well below
her station in life), and he had the nerve to say THAT to HER! She
exclaimed, "Well! I never...!" The lady remembered that she had met that
military man in charge of all these 'soldiers' earlier. She spotted
General Gray from across the room. He had a cigar clenched between his
teeth and a camouflaged canteen cup full of bourbon in his left hand. He
was talking to a group of 1st and 2nd lieutenants. So blue haired lady
went straight over to the Commandant and interrupted.
"General, I offered some pastry to that young man over there, and do
you know what he told me?"
General Gray cocked his eyebrow, took the cigar out of his mouth
and said, "Well, no Ma'am, I don't."
The lady took in a deep breath,confident that she was adequately
expressing with her body language her considerable rage and indignation.
As she wagged her head in cadence with her words, and she paused
between each word for effect, she said, "I - don't - eat - that - shit - Ma'am!''
The lieutenants were in a state of near apoplexy. A couple of
them choked back chuckles, and turned their heads to avoid having their
smirks detected. The next thought that most of them had was, 'God, I
hope it wasn't one of MY Marines!' and the color left their faces.
General Gray wrinkled his brow, cut his eyes in the direction of
the lieutenants, put his free hand to his chin and muttered a subdued,
"Hmmm Which one did you say it was, Ma'am?," the General asked.
"That tall sturdy one right over there near the window, General," the
woman said with smug satisfaction.
One of the lieutenants began to look sick and put a hand on the wall for
support. General Gray, seemed deep in thought, hand still to his chin,
wrinkled brow. Suddenly, he looked up and his expression changed to one
indicating he had made a decision.
He looked the fancy lady right in the eyes and said, "Well, ****
him! Don't give him any."
great deal of 'formal entertaining'...fancy dinner parties in full dress
blue uniform. Now, the General would rather have been in the field
eating cold 'C-rats' around a fighting hole with a bunch of young 'hard
charging' Marines. But the General knew his duty and as a Marine he was
determined to do it to the best of his ability.
During these formal parties, a detachment of highly polished
Marines from 'Eighth and Eye' (Marine Barracks located at 8th and I
Streets in Washington, D.C., home of the Silent Drill Team) were
detailed to assume the position of 'parade rest' at various intervals
around the ballroom where the festivities were being held.
At some point during one of these affairs, a very refined,
blue-haired lady picked up a tray of pastries and went around the room
offering confections to the guests. When she noticed these Marines in
dress blues, standing like sculptures all around the room, she was moved
with admiration. She knew that several of these men were fresh from our
victory in Kuwait . She made a beeline for the closest Lance Corporal,
drew near him and asked, 'Would you like pastry young man?'
The young Marine snapped to 'attention' and replied, "I don't
eat that shit, Ma'am." Just as quickly, he resumed the position of
'parade rest.' His gaze remained fixed on some distant point throughout
the exchange.
The fancy lady was completely taken aback! She blinked, her eyes
widened, her mouth dropped open. So startled was she that she
immediately began to doubt what she had heard. In a quivering voice she
asked, "W-W-What did you say?"
The Marine snapped back to the position of 'attention' (like the
arm of a mousetrap smacking it's wooden base). Then he said, '"I don't
eat that shit, Ma'am." And just as smartly as before, back to the
position of 'parade rest' he went.
This time, there was no doubt. The fancy lady immediately became
incensed and felt insulted. After all, here she was an important lady,
taking the time to offer something nice to this enlisted man (well below
her station in life), and he had the nerve to say THAT to HER! She
exclaimed, "Well! I never...!" The lady remembered that she had met that
military man in charge of all these 'soldiers' earlier. She spotted
General Gray from across the room. He had a cigar clenched between his
teeth and a camouflaged canteen cup full of bourbon in his left hand. He
was talking to a group of 1st and 2nd lieutenants. So blue haired lady
went straight over to the Commandant and interrupted.
"General, I offered some pastry to that young man over there, and do
you know what he told me?"
General Gray cocked his eyebrow, took the cigar out of his mouth
and said, "Well, no Ma'am, I don't."
The lady took in a deep breath,confident that she was adequately
expressing with her body language her considerable rage and indignation.
As she wagged her head in cadence with her words, and she paused
between each word for effect, she said, "I - don't - eat - that - shit - Ma'am!''
The lieutenants were in a state of near apoplexy. A couple of
them choked back chuckles, and turned their heads to avoid having their
smirks detected. The next thought that most of them had was, 'God, I
hope it wasn't one of MY Marines!' and the color left their faces.
General Gray wrinkled his brow, cut his eyes in the direction of
the lieutenants, put his free hand to his chin and muttered a subdued,
"Hmmm Which one did you say it was, Ma'am?," the General asked.
"That tall sturdy one right over there near the window, General," the
woman said with smug satisfaction.
One of the lieutenants began to look sick and put a hand on the wall for
support. General Gray, seemed deep in thought, hand still to his chin,
wrinkled brow. Suddenly, he looked up and his expression changed to one
indicating he had made a decision.
He looked the fancy lady right in the eyes and said, "Well, ****
him! Don't give him any."
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