Does anyone have a funny (or really bad) military recruiter story to share?

I took the ASVAB in high school to get out of a boring English class, figuring I could finish quickly and go to sleep. Somehow, I ended up with a high score, which is somewhat unusual in my rural area, so a few recruiters showed up the following week. I didn't like the Marine, so that was out of the question. Too many people I didn't like had joined the Army recently, so that one was out.
Air Force showed up locked on, and ready to tell me all the ways I would end up being a pilot or have a better lifestyle than the other services. Navy showed up looking like a regular dude and brought me a cheeseburger. Sold. I sold a 6-year enlistment for the price of a relaxed conversation and a cheeseburger.

I recruited from South Dayton Recruiting Station in the Dayton Recruiting Co. My Station Commander (Stn Cdr) was – well, he was a unique guy. He was a very good recruiter and was able to read people quickly. My favorite story about him was regarding one of my first recruits. This young man had a weight issue and had gone up and down, but desperately wanted to join the Army. My Stn Cdr asked me to have the DEPer and his mother come in to the office for a meeting. I set this up and they came in at the appointed time. He talked about the importance of reaching and maintaining the standards set by the Army for their many areas of concern. Here was the conversation that ensued:
Stn Cdr: “Young man, are you going to do what I tell you to do?
DEPer: Yes, Sgt.
Stn Cdr: Are you sure?
DEPer: Yes, Sgt.
Stn Cdr: Mom, are you going to ensure he does what I tell him, so that he has a chance to enter the Army?
DEPer’s Mom: Yes, sir.
Stn Cdr: Mom, are you sure?
DEPer’s Mom: Yes, sir.”
At this point he leans forward closely to the DEPer, as if he was going to impart some deep secret in a whisper. Suddenly and very loudly he says:
Stn Cdr: “PUT THE FORK DOWN AND PUSH YOUR FAT ASS AWAY FROM THE TABLE!!”
Mom was shocked…DEPer was crying. Four months later he shipped off to basic.

I spent three years as a recruiter while still enlisted. The USMC, USAF, and USN all worked great together...we were competitive, but respectful. The Army, on the other hand, played underhanded and sneaky (at least while I was there).

I had recruited an individual, who (like many others) was worried that he'd be on a ship all the time. I told him that I'd never been stationed on a ship in the 10 years I'd been in at the time (which was true), and that seemed to satisfy him. Still, I told him that even if he were to be stationed on a ship, that it wouldn't be as bad as he thought.

Introduce the Army guys. Now, just to be clear, the ROEs are...if someone's already been recruited into the Delayed Entry Program by another service, then they're off limits. In any case, the Army recruiters get this guy in their office and do what I called the "old dime trick" in order to counter the Navy's whole, "being on a ship isn't that bad" thing. One of the recruiters took a dime out of his pocket and tossed it into the middle of the room and tells my recruit, "Okay, all this carpet is the ocean...and that dime is your ship. Now I ask you, where are you going to go when you're off work?" Needless to say, my guy flipped and joined the Army.

Fast forward eight years...I've since made Chief and had been commissioned as an LDO. I'm the Law Enforcement/Security Officer onboard Naval Weapons Station Seal Beach, the West Coast's ammo supply point that on-loads weapons onto ships. One day, a U.S. Army ship pulls in to on-load...see where this is going? Off the ship walks this young SSG...yep, you guessed it, my former recruit.

I chatted with him for a few and he told me that since he joined, he learned that the Army has more ships than the Navy, and that he'd spent the entire last eight years stationed on a ship. He wasn't bitter, and actually liked the shipboard life, but he told me that he wished he'd joined the Navy, as although the Army does have ships, they don't pull into ports like the Navy.

At the end of the day, I told him that I'd still never been stationed on a ship. He rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders, gave me a proper salute, and that's the last I saw of him.

I've been in for almost 23 years, and I've STILL never been stationed on a ship.

I have had some interesting experiences with Air Force Recruiters (and not really learning my lessons). The first AF recruiter (1st recruiter ever actually) I had spoken with was SSgt Barker (you never forget your first) when she had come to my high school when I was a Junior. After a few visits to her office and a phone call, I didn't hear from her again for several months until the morning after I took the ASVAB for the Army. She actually woke me up with the phone call informing me that she got my scores and asked if I was still going with my plans to enter the Army. I simply answered yes and hung up. The second AF recruiter encounter took place after I had been out of the Army for a small spell and decided I wanted to go back in and do it with the AF. Again, went to their office. Told them my history, and what I wanted. The TSgt took my info, said he would make some calls to gather info and get back to me. After about 1 week, never heard back. So, I went back to his office to see what was up. His female co-recruiter, a SSgt, said he wasn't going to be in that day. Took more of my info, then said that since I didn't have a security clearance, they could do nothing for me and to have a nice day. The last AF recruiter I had spoken with (this was about a year after the 2nd experience), was in a totally different office in a completely different part of town. She asked for my history and asked what I wanted. So, I told her........and I even told her about the previous 2 experiences.......she apologized for their lack of effort. I thought, hey this is a good sign. Then she asked to be provided with my last 5 yearly evals. Apparently this is something the AF does. I told her that in the Army as a Junior, we only get monthly counseling and not yearly evals like the NCO's do. She stated that she will have to make some calls and will get back to me. Needless to say, I didn't put much stock into that statement......and she never did get back to me. What is the definition of insane? Doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results? Yep, that was me and here I am back in the Army.

My Air Force recruiter told me that 90% of women entering the service in 1979 were being put into the aircraft mechanic field. Told me if I didn't want to be a mechanic to do poorly on that part of the ASVAB test. I followed his advice as I wanted to do medical admin or something along those lines. Scored great on General, Electronics, and Admin portions. Didn't come close to passing the mechanical (although took it again a few years later and scored great on that too. Selected to enter the service under open administration. Upon completion of Basic was told that I would be a personal specialist, wasn't exactly what I wanted but I was good at it and made Human resources a career even after I retired. Like my recruiters, they were good guys.

I once met a kid living in pretty tough conditions while on recruiting duty. He needed out bad, and I took my mission pretty serious. A week later I picked him up for the 2.5 hour drive to MEPS. I knew he was 2 lbs underweight, so during that drive I made him eat 9 lbs of bananas, and "ordered" him to not take a crap until after the weigh-in. He made it, we never crossed paths after he shipped, but I always kept an eye open for him. Hope it worked out for him.

My USAF recruiter promised me that I'd be stationed on the East Coast. he just didn't tell me it was the East Coast of Asia (Clark Field, Philippines for 2 years.) became a civilian cop after I got out, and 5 years later I caught him. Paybacks a bitch. (No, I didn't write him, but I gave him an ass chewing for 10 minutes and made him late.)

Well...I don't know if this is funny/ha-ha or funny/weird, but here goes. I chose Army because they would sign me up with a promised school upon successful BCT. I wanted 71R, Broadcast Journalist, but the school was full at the time I would have completed BCT, so...the recruiter signed me up for Military Journalist 71Q, because it was 'just down the hall' from the Broadcasting school and both were at the then Fort Benjamin Harrison in Indianapolis. He got me to sign up on the hope that after finishing one school, I'd maybe get into the other one, which IS what happened. Luck of the Irish?

I was on recruiting duty '94-'97. We had a Gunny who was the most vile, foul mouthed Marine in history. He was easily angered, and invariably, he would drop a string of expletives at the slightest provocation. The only problem was that everybody knew that. EVERY time he sent a prospect to MEPS, our ops guy would call up. Bobby (ops guy) would have 4 or 5 recruiters in his office and be on speaker phone. The Gunny used the speaker phone exclusively, so we could all hear it. Bobby would call and say "Hey Gunny, I just interviewed your guy. He says he did coke 150 times and told you about it. He said you told him to keep his mouth shut about it". Gunny would go ballistic....... "That little co€# sucker is lying. You tell that little moth{% fu{*#% that he's riding the shuttle back, and if I ever see him again, I'm going to punch his fuc£^ng teeth out and then choke him". Bobby would keep him going, adding more fuel to the fire. All the recruiters at MEPS could be heard laughing in the background. Finally, they'd let the Gunny in on the joke and all would be good. It was SO funny to watch.

I walked into the recruiter station with a mind set of only joining if an intelligence job was an option. I had a whole room of recruiters trying to convince me that human resources was the job of jobs. I said no thanks. They tried to finagle me into CBRN and eventually I signed up as a signal support specialist. Not intelligence, but I wanted to join sooner rather than later and avoid dealing with these recruiters any longer. Fast forward to MEPS. I started to get cold feet as I moved along to sign my contract. I asked to talk to someone about my MOS. I pleaded for someone to look up an intelligence MOS one more time. There was a slot for Geospatial Intelligence Imagery Analyst. I took it. Returned to the recruiter who told me, "you couldn't ever make up your mind". He was correct, I will never settle when it comes to my goals. Nothing funny or terrible, but a story nonetheless.