Posted on Feb 26, 2015
SFC Josh Jackson
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Hello, my people! I was recently asked to provide input on an NCOER we're writing for an E-6 who recently transferred to our shop. His losing unit did not write him an outgoing NCOER, so of course it falls on us to pick up the pieces.

The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.

He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:

* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying

So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
Posted in these groups: 1024px smiley.svg HumorEvaluations logo Evaluations1efa5058 NCOERBilde2 OER
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Responses: 396
SFC Infantryman
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Early on, as a Squad Leader, I had passed word down for all the eligible SPCs to hand-jam some bullet comments on paper to assist their (mostly newLY-promoted) SGTs so they could work on the SPC/CPL Evals. This was before everything had to be done via the one sort-of-working computer we had. Our local Spec-Four Mafia Boss sent his back reading only one line, in large print to fill the page. "ALL HE DOES IS WIN!!"
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SFC Greg Youmans
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SGT NCOER * Never makes the same mistake twice, but makes all of them once.
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PO2 Richard C.
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Civilian life, but one of my (nuclear security) LT's did the 3 month eval on a newbie S/O and said " XXX would need 3 weeks additional training to perform the duties of a traffic cone."
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CW4 Linux Administrator / It Techncial Trainer
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Edited 7 y ago
Not actually an NCOER bullet, but rather a quarterly counseling for an Enlisted Soldier. I got this comment from the Soldier's supervisor. "Performs only when under direct supervision and multiple instructions given for the same tasker". Of course then the Supervisor gave examples (and dates) of the enlisted Soldier's performance, to support the comment above.
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Erin Mitchell
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I swear I work with these people... sadly I work at a gunpowder plant. *facepalm*
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SPC Travis Grizzard
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Excellent mechanic, does top quality work on the military aircraft, doesn't look like he should be anywhere around military aircraft.
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SGT Lloyd Burge
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No one questions this man's morals or ethics. He has none to question.
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MSgt M Flack
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Troop is unable to overcome his initial inertia.
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MAJ Pete Joplin
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Among fellow Majors during the most sparse years, we kept our sense of humor and joked among ourselves. I used to brag that I knew I was going to be promoted from Major, straight to full Colonel, because my OER said, "this officer should not see LTC."
As retirement approached, the common question was about our future after the Army. Naturally, there was always the the stale oldie WalMart greeter COA. My personal favorite, especially to O-6-to-O-8s in my Chain of Command, was, "I'm going to suck d!ck and sell pencils, until I get my self-respect back... but only until I get my self respect back!"
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PO1 Michael Moe
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Could be among the best in his pier group if only he would try.
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MAJ Pete Joplin
MAJ Pete Joplin
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PO1 Michael Moe If "pier" was intentionally spelled that way, it is ten times better!
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