Green-To-Gold Personal Statement - Round 2, has my essay improved?

**EDIT/UPDATE** I realized that I only have 2000 characters (with spaces) to communicate my desire to become an officer. That's a tall order to fit 5 paragraphs in half a page as you will see below, so I tried to condense it to 4. I hope that I conveyed everything I needed to. Let me know if this is better than my last attempt and how I could improve. Should I isolate fewer qualities and go further into depth on each or should I leave it how it is?

I want to be an officer because I have the intellect, and ability to handle responsibility under pressure; I want to be the one calling the shots and planning for the future; and I want to be the commander who earns the respect of those around him, who drives the unit to surpass the standard for each of the tasks on its METL.
Having been an NCO for over two years and looking to pin SSG in the near future, I learned how to take care of soldiers needs and conduct day to day operations, but I am capable of more than that. Being an officer involves being an intellectual who can handle a lot of responsibility and can perform under pressure. I have been humbled as an NCO and I have learned from my mistakes on how to overcome my temptation to overthink things and of my fear of delegation. I learned to break a problem down to its core and to trust in my peers and subordinates; then I evaluated their performance and identified places where training could be implemented. I feel that in that process, I have gained an insight into a commander’s thought process.
Speaking of a command mindset, I want to have the privilege of leading a group of talented and disciplined soldiers and driving my own ship. I have seen and been subjected to too many poor command decisions that are seemingly based on someone’s convenience, rather than the unit’s METL. My Joes respect me because I communicate a purpose for their efforts and in turn, they produce a lot of value in a little amount of time. If I said nothing, they feel as though I wasted their time. Therefore, if I were to commission, I will continue to exhibit strong communication so that my soldiers can work towards exceeding our METL’s standards.
Having supported Green Berets my entire career and learned that having strong leadership is paramount to a unit’s readiness. Having the intellect to accomplish the mission, and the drive to command, I want to be an officer in the United States Army to serve in the highest capacity I can.