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Being in the National Guard has its fair share of challenges. One major issue I have noticed is that often when an E-4 gets promoted to E-5 they are made a team leader in the same platoon or company that they have been in since day one. Often when this happens, they are made a first line leader (team leader) over people that they have been friends, and E-4 buddies with.
This is the current situation I am facing, one of our E-4s recently got promoted to E-5 during our deployment and took over as my ream leader. My other team member has been friends with this NCO for a couple of years and has continued his habit of the buddy-buddy relationship they had. This often leads to disrespect of our line leader during meetings and the like. I know my NCO sees the disrespect and is not comfortable with it, but often will let it go and not say anything. I do not know if this is because he is uncomfortable with his leadership, or if he is worried about his friendship. Though I suspect it may be both.
My question is what can I (as a lowly E4) do in this situation? I have spoken with my NCO and I know he knows the disrespect is there. I have also tried to speak to the SM about it, but he tends to get an attitude and pull TiS/TiG on me. Is there anything else I can do, or should I let this situation ride out and see where the chips land?
I respect my NCOs (always the rank, most often the person) and do want this taint or depreciate his view of being a NCO. I want him to be able to succeed in being an NCO, as I personally feel he will be a very good one, once he has a handle on how to lead as an NCO. Mind you, I am not an NCO, but I am older and have lived a very full life!
This is the current situation I am facing, one of our E-4s recently got promoted to E-5 during our deployment and took over as my ream leader. My other team member has been friends with this NCO for a couple of years and has continued his habit of the buddy-buddy relationship they had. This often leads to disrespect of our line leader during meetings and the like. I know my NCO sees the disrespect and is not comfortable with it, but often will let it go and not say anything. I do not know if this is because he is uncomfortable with his leadership, or if he is worried about his friendship. Though I suspect it may be both.
My question is what can I (as a lowly E4) do in this situation? I have spoken with my NCO and I know he knows the disrespect is there. I have also tried to speak to the SM about it, but he tends to get an attitude and pull TiS/TiG on me. Is there anything else I can do, or should I let this situation ride out and see where the chips land?
I respect my NCOs (always the rank, most often the person) and do want this taint or depreciate his view of being a NCO. I want him to be able to succeed in being an NCO, as I personally feel he will be a very good one, once he has a handle on how to lead as an NCO. Mind you, I am not an NCO, but I am older and have lived a very full life!
Leadership
Team Leader
Respect
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 16
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This is one of the biggest challenges we face as a newly-minted NCO. If we are promoted and remain in the same squad or even platoon, we are pretty much on our own to figure out how to break those "buddy" ties without completely alienating those that we are now tasked to lead. Alienation of them isn't terribly productive either, but your NCO is going to have to do a gut check and get it done.
Military structure is there for a reason, and the ability of an NCO to take charge, and the ability of his subordinates to fall in line is more than just military bearing. You are deployed. In that case, a breakdown could mean the difference between life and death. I know that may seem extreme, but isn't the most extreme what we all do our best to prepare for? Your NCO needs to either fix it, or ask to be moved where he can get a fresh start. Unfortunately moving isn't always feasible, and being an NCO isn't always easy.
Bottom line: If he can't fix this, he may not have been ready to be an NCO.
Military structure is there for a reason, and the ability of an NCO to take charge, and the ability of his subordinates to fall in line is more than just military bearing. You are deployed. In that case, a breakdown could mean the difference between life and death. I know that may seem extreme, but isn't the most extreme what we all do our best to prepare for? Your NCO needs to either fix it, or ask to be moved where he can get a fresh start. Unfortunately moving isn't always feasible, and being an NCO isn't always easy.
Bottom line: If he can't fix this, he may not have been ready to be an NCO.
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SGT Richard H.
One added thought: We talk a lot on here about how a new 2LT should lean on his senior NCOs and allow himself to be mentored by them. This goes for new SGTs too. Maybe have a discussion with your SGT and suggest to him that he do the same, and not try to go it alone. There's no shame in admitting that he has a lot to learn and trying to do so from guys that have been there.
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SSG (Join to see)
SGT Richard H. I agree that in a deployed situation the breakdown of military bearing could be the difference between life and death. I think many people forget this fact and scoff at the structure as old fashioned. We do try to prepare for the extreme, though I have noticed that since we have been here for 6 months, there seems to be a feeling of complacency that did not exist when we got here.
I also like the idea of of having new SGTs find a mentor and lean on their senior NCOs for support and help. After all, the NCO world is a new world that takes some getting used to. I am not an NCO, but I am also not blind and can see that it not an easy job, especially for those who are new to it. Being deployed only makes it that much harder I think. In any case, thank you for your thoughts. I will remember them.
I also like the idea of of having new SGTs find a mentor and lean on their senior NCOs for support and help. After all, the NCO world is a new world that takes some getting used to. I am not an NCO, but I am also not blind and can see that it not an easy job, especially for those who are new to it. Being deployed only makes it that much harder I think. In any case, thank you for your thoughts. I will remember them.
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SSG (Join to see)
Correct SGT. Some soldiers are promoted too quickly or there not mentally ready. Some individuals have to mature.
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Two things:
First, to address your question directly, the best thing you can do personally is the right thing. Show respect as you have, and emulate an example for others to follow. They all know they are wrong, but wrong becomes OK when there is a quorum of people who think it is funny/ join in/ stay silent. Publicly do the right thing and don't slip into the trap. Keep any discussions of respect and professionalism private.
Second, this is senior leader business. Your First Sergeant erred in not making an adjustment to at least a different squad. It may be he/she just hasn't taken a look at the roster post-deployment yet, but the adjustment is necessary for the development of all involved and will head off any favoritism perceptions that may arise.
One more thing. Your professional and mature view on the subject tells me a lot about your readiness to be an NCO yourself. Use this as a learning tool for when it is your turn.
First, to address your question directly, the best thing you can do personally is the right thing. Show respect as you have, and emulate an example for others to follow. They all know they are wrong, but wrong becomes OK when there is a quorum of people who think it is funny/ join in/ stay silent. Publicly do the right thing and don't slip into the trap. Keep any discussions of respect and professionalism private.
Second, this is senior leader business. Your First Sergeant erred in not making an adjustment to at least a different squad. It may be he/she just hasn't taken a look at the roster post-deployment yet, but the adjustment is necessary for the development of all involved and will head off any favoritism perceptions that may arise.
One more thing. Your professional and mature view on the subject tells me a lot about your readiness to be an NCO yourself. Use this as a learning tool for when it is your turn.
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SSG (Join to see)
1SG (Join to see)
In regards to our 1SG not making the adjustment to a different squad, he had to go back to the States a couple of moths ago with a back injury. We have an acting 1SG, but I am not sure he is aware that an appropriate adjustment was not made. I do know that this new NCO is going to a different unit when we return home, and I and the other SM will be returning our own units (i volunteered to deploy). Even with this being the case, I did not want this experience to have an effect on his time as NCO, as I believe he has the potential to be a very good NCO.
Thank you for your input and I will continue to maintain myself as an example. I just find that harder being a (newish) E4, as many soldiers in this unit tend to overlook this rank/grade.
In regards to our 1SG not making the adjustment to a different squad, he had to go back to the States a couple of moths ago with a back injury. We have an acting 1SG, but I am not sure he is aware that an appropriate adjustment was not made. I do know that this new NCO is going to a different unit when we return home, and I and the other SM will be returning our own units (i volunteered to deploy). Even with this being the case, I did not want this experience to have an effect on his time as NCO, as I believe he has the potential to be a very good NCO.
Thank you for your input and I will continue to maintain myself as an example. I just find that harder being a (newish) E4, as many soldiers in this unit tend to overlook this rank/grade.
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SSG (Join to see)
On a side note 1SG, Arden Hills is not that far from where I live. If I know my Minnesota geography...
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That new NCO should have counseled his soldiers. This would have accomplished two goals. First, it would have defined the expectations of his soldiers. Next, it would have established his role as the leader and a Professional instead of being a buddy.
A weak or young leader may fall victim to a strong minded subordinate or the pressure from his peers. That has to be addressed in a counseling and followed up with if it appears again. This can only be effected by that leader.
I was a squad leader in the same platoon in which I am now the PL in. It was a mishap but my old platoon was the only one that needed a PL so I went there. I became the boss of my old boss. It was not ideal but roles were defined and expectations were put in place. It was not a smooth transition but it worked.
A weak or young leader may fall victim to a strong minded subordinate or the pressure from his peers. That has to be addressed in a counseling and followed up with if it appears again. This can only be effected by that leader.
I was a squad leader in the same platoon in which I am now the PL in. It was a mishap but my old platoon was the only one that needed a PL so I went there. I became the boss of my old boss. It was not ideal but roles were defined and expectations were put in place. It was not a smooth transition but it worked.
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SSG (Join to see)
1LT Rosa,
We were given an initial counseling when he became our SGT, though it not happen until about a month and half after the transition. Many factors were at play with that, but I still feel it should have happened sooner. As an E4 I feel that initial and subsequent (monthly, quarterly, etc) counseling are extremely important to me in that they do define what is expected of me. I think the disconnect between when he became the NCO and when the counselings happened might be a large part of this issue.
I do agree with you about falling victims to pressure from peers, as I have witnessed this many times. What would you suggest in a case where the a counseling does not work for the soldier (i.e. they do not care/feel counselings are worthless) and the action continues?
Thank you for the advice on this subject, this is why I joined RallyPoint. To be able to talk with experienced SM and Veterans who can mentor me in my career!
We were given an initial counseling when he became our SGT, though it not happen until about a month and half after the transition. Many factors were at play with that, but I still feel it should have happened sooner. As an E4 I feel that initial and subsequent (monthly, quarterly, etc) counseling are extremely important to me in that they do define what is expected of me. I think the disconnect between when he became the NCO and when the counselings happened might be a large part of this issue.
I do agree with you about falling victims to pressure from peers, as I have witnessed this many times. What would you suggest in a case where the a counseling does not work for the soldier (i.e. they do not care/feel counselings are worthless) and the action continues?
Thank you for the advice on this subject, this is why I joined RallyPoint. To be able to talk with experienced SM and Veterans who can mentor me in my career!
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SGT (Join to see)
SSG (Join to see) If counselings aren't having the desired effect, the next step is UCMJ. People may not care about a piece of paper, but when it comes to their paycheck they usually step back in line
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SSG (Join to see)
SPC Beadle,
I agree that when it comes to someone's paycheck they "usually" fall back in line. Grumbling and whining about it perhaps, but in line none-the-less.
I agree that when it comes to someone's paycheck they "usually" fall back in line. Grumbling and whining about it perhaps, but in line none-the-less.
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CPT (Join to see)
When the initial counseling you need to go back and counsel him some more. It is crazy but there is a way that this is done. First off, I would get the first counseling that he was given and complete it. If you look at the bottom of the back page it is a follow up. I would write down any observations on it. If he is not responding to this leadership he needs to know the shortcoming.
Next I would give him an event-oriented counseling for his actions. At the top of the back page it had a space for an action plan. What I would do is that I would give them about 10 mins to develop their own action plan to address the short comings. Then I would write it in. In this case if he fails to meet the expectations of the action plan he can't really complain about since he made the plan. You need to steer him in the right direction with it but he will have to take ownership of the plan. If this fails I would seek to move him to anther squad and a stronger NCO or UCMJ. I would also counsel the TL for failing to establish his leadership role. He can't take a position like this and let a subordinate dictate what happens. He has to step up. It would not be a negative but a counseling to inform him his duties and options as a team leader.
Next I would give him an event-oriented counseling for his actions. At the top of the back page it had a space for an action plan. What I would do is that I would give them about 10 mins to develop their own action plan to address the short comings. Then I would write it in. In this case if he fails to meet the expectations of the action plan he can't really complain about since he made the plan. You need to steer him in the right direction with it but he will have to take ownership of the plan. If this fails I would seek to move him to anther squad and a stronger NCO or UCMJ. I would also counsel the TL for failing to establish his leadership role. He can't take a position like this and let a subordinate dictate what happens. He has to step up. It would not be a negative but a counseling to inform him his duties and options as a team leader.
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Since you have mentioned this to both the new Sergeant and the E-4 "buddy" of his, to no avail, I would probably mention it to the platoon sergeant. The chain of command should move the E-4 or the Sergeant to different squads or platoons.
In addition, I believe the fault lies with the Sergeant. He is allowing the E-4 to disrespect his rank and should stop it, recognizing the impact on the "friendship". Being as this is a National Guard unit, that is probably more problematic than it would be for an active duty unit, due to the possible off-duty/non-military relationship they may have. (That is not meant to be a slam on the Guard. It is just that active troops are military 24 hours per day, even when not deployed, whereas, RC personnel "hang up their uniforms" when not at drill or deployed/training.)
In addition, I believe the fault lies with the Sergeant. He is allowing the E-4 to disrespect his rank and should stop it, recognizing the impact on the "friendship". Being as this is a National Guard unit, that is probably more problematic than it would be for an active duty unit, due to the possible off-duty/non-military relationship they may have. (That is not meant to be a slam on the Guard. It is just that active troops are military 24 hours per day, even when not deployed, whereas, RC personnel "hang up their uniforms" when not at drill or deployed/training.)
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1LT William Clardy
COL Jean (John) F. B., I've never seen anything of value come out of a blanket party. Wall-to-wall counseling is another thing entirely, because the message gets interspersed throughout the disincentive activity.
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COL Jean (John) F. B.
1LT William Clardy
I have seen several recalcitrant soldiers get straightened up by their peers when counseling and punishment by the chain of command have failed. How it was accomplished, I am not sure, but I am not naïve enough to believe that there may not have been some non-verbal persuasion involved.
The "good" soldiers in a unit don't want to se the "bad" soldiers negatively impact the unit or cause difficulty for all of them. At a point, they take it upon themselves to rectify the situation. At least, that's the way it was in the "old Army". May be different in today's "kinder and gentler" atmosphere.
As I stated, I do not recommend nor condone violence. I do, however, like it when soldiers take it upon themselves to help police their own, albeit, preferably in a legal manner.
I have seen several recalcitrant soldiers get straightened up by their peers when counseling and punishment by the chain of command have failed. How it was accomplished, I am not sure, but I am not naïve enough to believe that there may not have been some non-verbal persuasion involved.
The "good" soldiers in a unit don't want to se the "bad" soldiers negatively impact the unit or cause difficulty for all of them. At a point, they take it upon themselves to rectify the situation. At least, that's the way it was in the "old Army". May be different in today's "kinder and gentler" atmosphere.
As I stated, I do not recommend nor condone violence. I do, however, like it when soldiers take it upon themselves to help police their own, albeit, preferably in a legal manner.
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1LT William Clardy
COL Jean (John) F. B., I don't think anybody has ever accused me of being a fanboy of a kinder, gentler Army. My boot polish was always black, and I always considered my peacetime mission to be ready to break things and hurt people on command.
In other words, I am of the view that purposeful violence can be not only useful but essential.
For example, what we termed "wall-to-wall counseling" became painfully useful when the Army (or DoD, or some echelon above rationality) decided that all non-judicial punishment under Article 15 would become a permanent part of a soldier's personnel record. In effect, that took away the disciplinary equivalent of writing a traffic ticket -- taking a week's pay out of a soldier's pocket to convey the seriousness of his screw-up meant that mistake would be highlighted for every promotion board that ever took the opportunity to actually read the contents of his personnel jacket.
A clear and reasonably compelling argument can be made that, in some cases, an NCO could successfully convey the message from a range so close that the soldier could smell how much sugar the sergeant had in his coffee and combined with a kinetic laying-on of hands which might cause the correctee's toes to no longer be in contact with the ground. The key factors required for success with this improvised discipline are:
• The sergeant had to believe the soldier was worth the effort and the risk;
• The soldier had to understand that the sergeant believed in him enough to risk his stripes and a possible shiner;
• There was a high probability that the soldier would understand this was his last warning short of formal punishment;
• There was nothing anonymous or generic -- the severity was personally delivered and matched to the severity of the offense (and generally with no "grudge" held afterward by either one);
• Both the soldier and the sergeant wanted the soldier to succeed in the Army.
But I have never seen any rational justification for a blanket party. A blanket party bears more resemblance to a lynching than to any reasonable form of peer pressure -- there is no supervision, no restraint, and the primary purpose really seems to be allowing a gang to vent their frustration by anonymously mugging the problem soldier. The soldier justifiably feels victimized, and at the end of the day you're very likely looking at a soldier who is feeling "the sooner, the better" about departing the Army -- a self-inflicted casualty for that unit.
Please don't mistake this as a condemnation of the corrective value of peer pressure -- getting verbally reamed by your buddies can be a powerfully persuasive experience. But the key things with peer pressure are that they have to be the soldier's buddies, they have to want the soldier to succeed with them, and the soldier *has* to want to succeed with them.
In other words, I am of the view that purposeful violence can be not only useful but essential.
For example, what we termed "wall-to-wall counseling" became painfully useful when the Army (or DoD, or some echelon above rationality) decided that all non-judicial punishment under Article 15 would become a permanent part of a soldier's personnel record. In effect, that took away the disciplinary equivalent of writing a traffic ticket -- taking a week's pay out of a soldier's pocket to convey the seriousness of his screw-up meant that mistake would be highlighted for every promotion board that ever took the opportunity to actually read the contents of his personnel jacket.
A clear and reasonably compelling argument can be made that, in some cases, an NCO could successfully convey the message from a range so close that the soldier could smell how much sugar the sergeant had in his coffee and combined with a kinetic laying-on of hands which might cause the correctee's toes to no longer be in contact with the ground. The key factors required for success with this improvised discipline are:
• The sergeant had to believe the soldier was worth the effort and the risk;
• The soldier had to understand that the sergeant believed in him enough to risk his stripes and a possible shiner;
• There was a high probability that the soldier would understand this was his last warning short of formal punishment;
• There was nothing anonymous or generic -- the severity was personally delivered and matched to the severity of the offense (and generally with no "grudge" held afterward by either one);
• Both the soldier and the sergeant wanted the soldier to succeed in the Army.
But I have never seen any rational justification for a blanket party. A blanket party bears more resemblance to a lynching than to any reasonable form of peer pressure -- there is no supervision, no restraint, and the primary purpose really seems to be allowing a gang to vent their frustration by anonymously mugging the problem soldier. The soldier justifiably feels victimized, and at the end of the day you're very likely looking at a soldier who is feeling "the sooner, the better" about departing the Army -- a self-inflicted casualty for that unit.
Please don't mistake this as a condemnation of the corrective value of peer pressure -- getting verbally reamed by your buddies can be a powerfully persuasive experience. But the key things with peer pressure are that they have to be the soldier's buddies, they have to want the soldier to succeed with them, and the soldier *has* to want to succeed with them.
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COL Jean (John) F. B.
1LT William Clardy
I totally agree with you... Great commentary and description of "wall-to-wall counseling".
I totally agree with you... Great commentary and description of "wall-to-wall counseling".
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SSG (Join to see), the first (and possibly most important) step is to get formal and make a habit of talking the talk.
Military customs and courtesies exist for a reason, and that reason is to provide cuing which reinforces military structure.
To give one (bad) example I observed in theater, a young sergeant screaming "Shut the f*** up!" at a private is nothing more than a guy with stripes trying to outshout another guy with fewer stripes. Think about how that changes if, instead of screaming, the sergeant snaps a crisp "At ease, soldier!" A command relationship is established and the soldier is reminded that he is, indeed, a soldier being addressed by a sergeant.
You can help out your team leader by being formal when addressing him -- if you change his first name to "Sergeant", or even "Sarge", it will remind everybody at the table (including your team leader and his insubordinate associate) of his new rank. And this won't mean that he can't still be the butt of jokes, but the tone of those jokes will be subtly different when it's "Hey, Sarge, you should have seen yourself right after that round hit -- running full speed with rifle in hand and pants still ankle-high!" instead of "Hey, Rick, you..."
And if anybody hints that calling him by his new first name is just kissing up, suggest to them they think about what "military courtesy" means -- or you can refer them to this old black-boot Army guy who preaches and practiced this stuff.
Military customs and courtesies exist for a reason, and that reason is to provide cuing which reinforces military structure.
To give one (bad) example I observed in theater, a young sergeant screaming "Shut the f*** up!" at a private is nothing more than a guy with stripes trying to outshout another guy with fewer stripes. Think about how that changes if, instead of screaming, the sergeant snaps a crisp "At ease, soldier!" A command relationship is established and the soldier is reminded that he is, indeed, a soldier being addressed by a sergeant.
You can help out your team leader by being formal when addressing him -- if you change his first name to "Sergeant", or even "Sarge", it will remind everybody at the table (including your team leader and his insubordinate associate) of his new rank. And this won't mean that he can't still be the butt of jokes, but the tone of those jokes will be subtly different when it's "Hey, Sarge, you should have seen yourself right after that round hit -- running full speed with rifle in hand and pants still ankle-high!" instead of "Hey, Rick, you..."
And if anybody hints that calling him by his new first name is just kissing up, suggest to them they think about what "military courtesy" means -- or you can refer them to this old black-boot Army guy who preaches and practiced this stuff.
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SGT (Join to see)
1LT William Clardy I guess it depends on the NCO and the scenario. Jokingly they might let it slide.
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SGT Terry Whittington
in or out of uniform an NCO should never be disrespectful. Using foul language is disrespectful to himself and those around himself or herself. Needs to be addressed, and corrected!
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1LT William Clardy
SGT (Join to see), as a side note, I consider an NCO without a sense of humor to be a psych referral waiting to happen.
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SGT (Join to see)
1LT William Clardy You can't really last in this profession without one, or thick skin. And the part of your response about kissing ass reminds me of an old 1SG I had. He'd always tell us when he was coming up through the ranks he was always called a kiss ass. "Well guess what they call me now. Mother-F***ing 1SG, thats what!".
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I just wanted to let everyone know that it seems the situation has been handled. I spoke with my NCO again and he said he had spoken with this SPC today and worked it out with him. I have watched them interact today, and it does seem to be handled as the SPC was showing the respect towards our NCO that he had been missing.
Thank you all for your insight into the situation and your responses. I am glad for the chance to be able to learn from all of you and this situation. I took notes from this situation and your responses so that I will be better able to handle the transition myself (hopefully it'll come!).
Thank you all for your insight into the situation and your responses. I am glad for the chance to be able to learn from all of you and this situation. I took notes from this situation and your responses so that I will be better able to handle the transition myself (hopefully it'll come!).
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SSG Tim Everett
I saw this after I posted my latest response. Ooops! Well this is good news, I'm glad it seems to be working out.
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I have always maintained that, upon promotion from Specialist to Sergeant, that new NCO should be moved. Whether to a different squad, or a new company/battery/squadron/troop. It will make the transition into the leadership role a little more seamless, as there will not the issue like the one you mentioned in the original post.
However, this is not always possible. In my opinion, that new NCO needs to locate his manhood and start acting like an NCO. If not, the PSG should take his rank. If he doesn't want to be an NCO, then so be it. Whether it is National Guard, Reserve, or Active, make the transition now or you will never be taken seriously as a leader.
However, this is not always possible. In my opinion, that new NCO needs to locate his manhood and start acting like an NCO. If not, the PSG should take his rank. If he doesn't want to be an NCO, then so be it. Whether it is National Guard, Reserve, or Active, make the transition now or you will never be taken seriously as a leader.
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SSG (Join to see)
SSG Houde,
I agree with the idea of moving a new SGT to a new position, even if it is just a squad or platoon. Which in the National Guard is often the option that has to be taken, as most new SGTs take an E5 slot in their own company. There are a number of reasons it didn't happen in this situation, but the prime one I think is because we were two squads of our platoon. Our PSG had to go home (we are deployed) due to family issues, so our squad leader took over as PSG. When this happened, one of the team leaders filled in as squad leader and the new NCO took over as team leader. I do think it may have worked out better if they had moved him to the other squad and given us one of their NCOs, but hindsight is always 20/20 right?
I do like the idea of having him "locate his manhood and start acting like an NCO". That just struck me as very tactful way to put it!
I agree with the idea of moving a new SGT to a new position, even if it is just a squad or platoon. Which in the National Guard is often the option that has to be taken, as most new SGTs take an E5 slot in their own company. There are a number of reasons it didn't happen in this situation, but the prime one I think is because we were two squads of our platoon. Our PSG had to go home (we are deployed) due to family issues, so our squad leader took over as PSG. When this happened, one of the team leaders filled in as squad leader and the new NCO took over as team leader. I do think it may have worked out better if they had moved him to the other squad and given us one of their NCOs, but hindsight is always 20/20 right?
I do like the idea of having him "locate his manhood and start acting like an NCO". That just struck me as very tactful way to put it!
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SFC (Join to see)
Circumstances being what they are, I do understand how the events unfolded. However, the fault lay with the new NCO, as had been stated several times in this posting. This person needs to act the part, or stop being a "Zebra" or "Referee," whichever metaphor you prefer.
I am trying to keep things as PG as possible.
I am trying to keep things as PG as possible.
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1LT William Clardy
SFC (Join to see), I agree with you that the new NCO's attitude is the key to solving this problem, but I would not be so quick to yank a new leader's stripes. If being slow to enforce the rank is his worst learning opportunity, then he'll be doing fine.
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They are all adults, somewhere they have to draw the line. I was promoted to SGT on Active duty, and was put in charge of a shop normally filled by an SFC. I drew the line, I explained to my friends that, I am still the same person, but, because mission accomplishment is paramount, we have to draw the line. I can be fair or I can be an asshole, I'd rather be fair. They being adults understood, and respected how I felt. And lent credence to what I said, and gave me the respect
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I dealt with this when I was promoted to SGT within the same unit I was a specialist. I stayed in the same Platoon and was a team leader of my friends, etc. I dealt with this easily because I maintained this position: If they are truly my friend they will respect my position and me and not disrespect me. If they do disrespect me, and don't stop after being told, then they aren't really my friend. This makes it even easier to separate myself from a buddy.
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SPC Hammond, long ago in the Regimental system, when you were promoted to/in an NCO rank, you were moved to another platoon, company, or battalion. Similarly, with the exception of the necessary battlefield commission, new officers who rose from the ranks were also given new assignments. Even the battlefield commissions moved on to other units. The thinking was to avoid the type of familiarity you describe, giving everyone a clean slate. That was when local commanders had many more options about assignments than they do today for senior NCOS and Officers. Junior soldiers are another matter. Much can be done in that regard by the 1SG, CSM, Platoon Officer, Company Commander...effective leaders ponder such things, and also look for skill imbalance in a squad, platoon, etc. They also pay attention to low density skills/MOS (such as mine) as they often fall through the cracks in many areas.
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