Posted on Feb 25, 2015
How do you deal with a difficult coworker/soldier?
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I feel the need to vent my RP friends and colleagues. I'm very very frustrated.
I have a coworker who was hired a year ago. She complains about everything. Everything that has happened to her (according to her) is because either the rest of my coworkers are racist, or they don't like her, or are intimidated by her. This person does not step up to the plate when additional help is needed. She has not bothered to learn our systems and makes up excuses not to attend training. She is a web designer and has not done any real design work until this week. (She's been here a year now) She got her performance evaluation and didn't get a great evaluation. She is of course pissed about that.
Because of her lack of pitching in and the higher ups not sure about her skills, she's not been granted full access. She is claiming she's being set up for failure and that it's harrassment and she's going to sue the agency. She knows how to play the system. She won't do anything unless you stop and show her how to do it but yet according to her she is knowledgeable in it.
Today she is pissed at me because I worked my agency's booth at a conference last week that everyone within the agency knows about and I didn't tell her about it. She's claiming I'm keeping job secrets from her and that I've betrayed her. The conference is well known to everyone in the agency. An email went out division-wide about it. I was asked to work the booth because as the agency designer, I have in-depth knowledge of our website and they wanted me there to field questions.
I'm beginning to think this is all a smoke screen to cover up her lack of skills. I have tried to friend her and work with her but today, I'm done. I spoke to my boss about her on Monday, and I started keeping a folder in my email of all emails from her. I'm also blind copying my boss on all correspondence with her.
Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it? If you haven't encountered anything like this before, lookout. I'm learning that there are some seriously crazy people in government.
I appreciate any and all feedback.
I have a coworker who was hired a year ago. She complains about everything. Everything that has happened to her (according to her) is because either the rest of my coworkers are racist, or they don't like her, or are intimidated by her. This person does not step up to the plate when additional help is needed. She has not bothered to learn our systems and makes up excuses not to attend training. She is a web designer and has not done any real design work until this week. (She's been here a year now) She got her performance evaluation and didn't get a great evaluation. She is of course pissed about that.
Because of her lack of pitching in and the higher ups not sure about her skills, she's not been granted full access. She is claiming she's being set up for failure and that it's harrassment and she's going to sue the agency. She knows how to play the system. She won't do anything unless you stop and show her how to do it but yet according to her she is knowledgeable in it.
Today she is pissed at me because I worked my agency's booth at a conference last week that everyone within the agency knows about and I didn't tell her about it. She's claiming I'm keeping job secrets from her and that I've betrayed her. The conference is well known to everyone in the agency. An email went out division-wide about it. I was asked to work the booth because as the agency designer, I have in-depth knowledge of our website and they wanted me there to field questions.
I'm beginning to think this is all a smoke screen to cover up her lack of skills. I have tried to friend her and work with her but today, I'm done. I spoke to my boss about her on Monday, and I started keeping a folder in my email of all emails from her. I'm also blind copying my boss on all correspondence with her.
Has anyone else encountered this? How did you handle it? If you haven't encountered anything like this before, lookout. I'm learning that there are some seriously crazy people in government.
I appreciate any and all feedback.
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 47
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PV2 (Join to see) Unfortunately, we can't fix everyone; however, have you tried talking to her one on one and see if maybe you can find out what is driving her to complain about everything? Granted it could be as simple as she's lazy and is trying to blame the world for mistreating her because she doesn't want to actually do any work. If she's managed to get away with this before, she will continue to try to play this card.
Instead of defending yourself when she makes accusations, start asking her questions to show her that you will not be pulled into her game. When she claims that you are keeping secrets, ask her "And why do you feel like I am keeping secrets from you?" If everyone in the company knew about the conference, show her exactly how they knew about it. Tell her that you are sorry that she feels you betrayed her, but your not exactly sure why she feels it was your responsibility to keep her informed. Tell her you are happy to help her learn her job, but if she is going to claim she already knows her job, then she cannot also claim that nobody trains her either. Also tell her that using racist or sexist claims as an excuse for not being treated the same as other co-workers will not earn trust among employers or employees. If she perceives you are shocked or even concerned about her accusations, she will continue to play that card. If you don't give her the satisfaction of truly acknowledging her attitude, she will eventually give up.
If she says she's mad at you, just look at her calmly and say, "I'm very sorry to hear that, but I cannot change your attitude or your feelings towards me. Only you can do that." Use non-committal responses to her comments like, "I'm sorry to hear that," or "OK" and go back to what you are doing or "Calling someone racist is a pretty strong accusation. Do you have proof of this?" OK, the last one was not as non-committal. The point is, the more she gets under your skin, the more she wins.
I have dealt with employees like this. Fortunately, the ones that come to mind were subordinates. I've had to council them and I've even been accused of being racist myself at which I laugh at because I will never fold under accusations like that. I did have one woman ask me what she could do to get a higher rating on her OER so she could be competitive for LTC. I looked her in the eye and told her to get a higher rating she would need to show initiative and do her job without having to be micromanaged. Unfortunately, it went in one ear and right out the other.
The fact is, you can't fix everyone and not everyone really wants to work, they just want the money. You need to focus on your job and do the best you can and try not let her detract you from that. Your superiors will recognize what you do and will reward you for it. Eventually, you may have to look her in the eye and tell her like it is. But, if it does come to that point, make sure you keep a level head and never raise your voice. This way you will always have the upper hand. Good luck and stay strong.
Instead of defending yourself when she makes accusations, start asking her questions to show her that you will not be pulled into her game. When she claims that you are keeping secrets, ask her "And why do you feel like I am keeping secrets from you?" If everyone in the company knew about the conference, show her exactly how they knew about it. Tell her that you are sorry that she feels you betrayed her, but your not exactly sure why she feels it was your responsibility to keep her informed. Tell her you are happy to help her learn her job, but if she is going to claim she already knows her job, then she cannot also claim that nobody trains her either. Also tell her that using racist or sexist claims as an excuse for not being treated the same as other co-workers will not earn trust among employers or employees. If she perceives you are shocked or even concerned about her accusations, she will continue to play that card. If you don't give her the satisfaction of truly acknowledging her attitude, she will eventually give up.
If she says she's mad at you, just look at her calmly and say, "I'm very sorry to hear that, but I cannot change your attitude or your feelings towards me. Only you can do that." Use non-committal responses to her comments like, "I'm sorry to hear that," or "OK" and go back to what you are doing or "Calling someone racist is a pretty strong accusation. Do you have proof of this?" OK, the last one was not as non-committal. The point is, the more she gets under your skin, the more she wins.
I have dealt with employees like this. Fortunately, the ones that come to mind were subordinates. I've had to council them and I've even been accused of being racist myself at which I laugh at because I will never fold under accusations like that. I did have one woman ask me what she could do to get a higher rating on her OER so she could be competitive for LTC. I looked her in the eye and told her to get a higher rating she would need to show initiative and do her job without having to be micromanaged. Unfortunately, it went in one ear and right out the other.
The fact is, you can't fix everyone and not everyone really wants to work, they just want the money. You need to focus on your job and do the best you can and try not let her detract you from that. Your superiors will recognize what you do and will reward you for it. Eventually, you may have to look her in the eye and tell her like it is. But, if it does come to that point, make sure you keep a level head and never raise your voice. This way you will always have the upper hand. Good luck and stay strong.
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LTC Hillary Luton
That's good advice COL Randy Alicea and a method I often used (well, except for the gang-related background part) but it usually works better on a Soldier. When its a civilian co-worker, who doesn't respect you because they see you as being equal or even inferior to them, it can be a different situation. Civilian misconduct or disgruntled civilian employees are handled very differently then military personnel. I'm not suggesting blowing them off, but every situation is different and should be treated as unique.
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COL Randy Alicea
Why the gang related background is bad advice..my soldiers need to know where I came from and not how bad I was a boy. That not the advice. I'm tell them that I had a rough life before the army so that they can relate and see that other people have had worst than they have. I also tell them that I been homeless, when in the 80 the army fired all these LT and CPT and I didn't find work for 4 years and I suffered, penniless. You need to tell people the true, your history as a leader, the discriminations as an hispanic officer in the 80's..etc. They will come out their shell and open up to you as a father figure. Thats all. Nothing bad in tell the true or hiding your background. I'm proud of what I've done and how I positively broken hard walls of uncertainty to make it where I'm now. Some people don't understand this because they never been poor, discriminated or call names (racial, or others). Anyway...good luck in breaking into the young possible black or hispanic lady mind.
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COL Randy Alicea
Sometimes the problem is fixed by giving that person responsibility with goals and positive feedback. It's worked for me always..of course after my speech on my past.
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LTC Hillary Luton
COL Randy Alicea On the contrary Sir. I don't think the gang-related background is bad advice. Like you said, its good that you let your troops know where you come from. I did the same, I just didn't have a gang related background. I did; however, have a very poor background, growing up in a small town and working in the family restaurant from the age of 5. The point being the same. We came from backgrounds that forced us to face challenges and overcome them. And I did share that with my Soldiers and for the same reason as you.
That being said, Soldiers and Civilians live by different codes and standards. PV2 Wilcox is dealing with a civilian co-worker, not a Soldier, nor a subordinate. You're providing very good advice. I'm just afraid it could be more challenging because of her status.
That being said, Soldiers and Civilians live by different codes and standards. PV2 Wilcox is dealing with a civilian co-worker, not a Soldier, nor a subordinate. You're providing very good advice. I'm just afraid it could be more challenging because of her status.
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1. If they're worth mentoring, mentor them.
2. If not, report them for violations of rules of employer, point out to supervisor legitimate failings in compliance and teamwork in a private setting, not from a personal perspective but an organizational one (if you're really brave tell it to the coworker first)
3. Ignore, don't waste time. Match level of ignoring to level of idiocy.
2. If not, report them for violations of rules of employer, point out to supervisor legitimate failings in compliance and teamwork in a private setting, not from a personal perspective but an organizational one (if you're really brave tell it to the coworker first)
3. Ignore, don't waste time. Match level of ignoring to level of idiocy.
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