How do you know when you're ready to finally visit a War Memorial? Do you bring a friend or go alone?

Thanks. I've never been to a memorial before, let alone the one in Texas and it's pretty intimidating.

CPL Sarah Verity - You'll be okay Sarah - stay strong - Merry Christmas!

My dad is planning a trip to Arizona this spring and he'll be driving to Texas. He said we can stop at the memorial if I want.

Deployment is a very unusual experience for just about anyone, especially so for a 19 year old. We barely knew what being an adult was at that age and for you to experience things that have forever consequences at that age can really take a lot out of a person. I'm not a counselor or a dr by any stretch, so take anything said with a grain of salt, but maybe it's time to get with a professional and confront your deployment. From my personal experience, nothing I have buried stays that way, it eventually surfaces somehow and I've always found it better to be in control of something surfacing versus it exploding out of me. I don't know if the memorial will do anything for you, good or bad. But you always have family here if you ever need someone who "gets it" to chat to.

SFC Marc W. thanks so much. I have terrible sleepwalking episodes that I don't even remember having but other people tell me about. I've been inpatient in and out over the years and the VA tells me they don't know what's going on but they blame it on ptsd. But I'm totally fine all day long. It's the strangest thing. I even sleep walk during g the day if I take a 20 minute Nap. I've had people tell me I've locked and loaded my rifle, yelled cause I thought I was on fire, went looking for my rifle, thought I was being watched by snipers, yelling for my unit to find me cause I'm MIA in my dream and I don't usually remember anything. I went to the VA in 2007 and they said I did crazy shit in my sleep alright. I've been I patient 6 to 7 times over the past decade, been on every medication and person could be on and nothing seems to work. Broke my foot 3 times and my hand once. The doctors tell me they have no idea what's going on and neither do I. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm in a dream which is strange. I'll be chilling in my hanger playing cards with my pilots and never crosses my mind that it's 2018 and these guys have been dead for 12 years. I feel like maybe my mind is just too far gone and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it anymore .

I think if you were too far gone, you'd be hallucinating about it during waking hours as well. I also think that words like that can make it seem impossible to either learn to cope with it or somehow work through it. Are you in contact with anyone else you deployed with? If nothing else, you can always message people here privately if you want to talk about things that are more personal so it's not blasted to the world. I think we've seen the results of those who thought they couldn't face their demons too often and no one wants that. I may not be able to advise you as well as a doctor, but I can just listen or I give you my take on it if that's what you want. Sometimes we just need someone to relate to and most people we know haven't lost brothers and sisters or seen the mangled mess that war creates.

CPL Sarah Verity - On RallyPoint, you are with other brothers and sister that have experienced some of the things that you are feeling. You can reach out to me or other RallyPoint members if you want to. Are you going to the VA, or have you considered it?

Sgt (Join to see) yes. They wrote me up as 100% permanent and total about 10 years back. People tell me the VA doesn't do that often (I was 23 at the time). I have a terrible sleepwalking habit (broke my foot threes times and my hand once) and none of the doctors know what exactly is going on. The VA blamed it on ptsd. I was hit by a 120 mm mortar blast during my last two weeks (deployed 11 months and 28 days in OIF (2005-2006) and I started sleepwalking after that. Got discharged for condition not a disability for Ptsd/sleepwalking and two weeks after we got back in the US they told me I was out and that was that. Got picked up by the VA a year later in 2007. They say I have the worst sleepwalking they've seen. I even lock and load firearms, so I don't own one and my friend keep there's in a safe when I sleep over cause one of my episodes consists of me "looking for my rifle" so they keep theirs locked up when I sleepover. I've done inpatient, took meds. Nothing works.

Sgt (Join to see) I'd give anything for it to go away.

Sgt (Join to see) one time the nurse woke me up cause she said I was yelling because I thought I was on fire, (which is embarrassing) and I got separated from my unit when my camp was attacked and my friend said I was yelling last week "I'm not missing! I'm not missing, I'm over here!" Which is also embarrassing. I just hate it so much.