Posted on Jul 7, 2018
How should I proceed if I know about an inappropriate relationship between a single sailor and a married woman?
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I'm having an issue a soldier's wife of mine has been having an inappropriate relationship with someone from the navy. He can't prove adultry but can prove that they have been messaging and sending snaps back and forth. The sailor is a diver (PO2). Is there a way to inform this dirtbags chain of command on what has been going on?
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 44
If this does not impact good order and discipline, this is irrelevant. For the most part, what happens between the sheets should stay between the sheets. What if this other person worked for Verizon Wireless - would you call the CEO? Understand your empathy for your soldier. My guidance is this: he is a man, it is his marriage, it is his issue, between him and his wife. He needs to learn how to handle and manage his own problems. Your interference is not teaching him to be independent, to be accountable, to be resilient. Let it be. Be extremely careful with any allegations that could lead to the damage of someone else's reputation. You are a war fighter, not a member of the morality police. Keep your thoughts to yourself on these personal matters.
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Let it go!! If it doesn't directly effect you...move on!! Worry about #1, don't step in #2!
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Here it is 2 Sep 2018. The original question was posted on Jul 7. That's almost two whole months that we've been beating this horse. I'm sure this soldier has been hurting over this and probably affecting his job performance to boot. I sympathize with him, but in the end, isn't this a problem he and his wife have to work out? SSG Christopher Walkowiak, what does your First Sergeant have to say?
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If the SM is definitely going the divorce route, he should secure advice from his lawyer about legally separating his financial accounts.
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The wording is a bit awkward for me at the moment, (damn meds) but I believe you're saying that one of your men/friend is having a fidelity issue with a spouse. With all respect - Not your monkey, not your circus. Support your friend/soldier but let him handle the matter. If he asks for advice, fine. Tell him your thoughts, but let him take any action needed. There's a fine line there, where well-intentioned help can amplify or aggravate the problem in ways you don't expect. Then the person you're trying to support gets torqued at both you and them. By all means, be there for your buddy, but this is his fight.
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While I tend agree that Army commander's role should be in gently guiding his troop to take action on his marriage, it does not mean that something cannot be done to at least (even if temporarily) end the improper relationship between the sailor and wife. It is not about whether adultery can be proved, not about whether the sailor is a for that or not. The soldier's morale has been threatened, as has the sailor's career, even if unwittingly. By finding the sailor's unit commander, and letting that officer know what has been going on just as an objective matter, that officer can have the ability to at least order the sailor to stay away from the wife at least until a divorce comes through giving the soldier peace of mind, and saving the sailor from making a greater mistake. It is also important from the standpoint that, just as the sailor may be innocent in his motives and knowledge, his Navy commander may already have evidence of a pattern of behavior by the sailor that indicates he is a lothario who spends his off-hours seducing married women. Either scenario might prove possible, if not likely. In any case, giving the Navy commander the knowledge he or she needs to keep their sailor out of trouble, improve morale, and maintain discipline is as important as playing "gotcha" with the sailor on a charge of adutry.
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