I have a coworker with direct knowledge of a Military spouse cheating on her husband. What action, if any, should he take?

While there certainly seems to be an attempt to keep Chaplains relevant, I'm not sure how they are a pertinent choice when it comes down to a case of tattle-taleling on "marital infidelity". Like most of us, I don't find the idea of cheating (married or not) is a very nice thing to do. (Assuming that the interpersonal expectation between the two parties is, in fact, monogamy)...but I wouldn't play tattle tale unless it was posing a clear and present harm in some way. I certainly wouldn't involve clergy of a various religious sect as some type of counselor figure. Chaplains exist to provide faith based religious services to service members who wish to participate in faith based worship, not act as a LCSW or marriage counselor.

MAJ (Join to see) - I suggested the Chaplain for several reasons, not the least of which is this: It is GOING to come out. IF it is a fellow service member that is breaking the rules, written and unwritten, by having an affair with the spouse of another Soldier in the same unit, then the Chaplain can perhaps keep the cheated upon spouse from killing someone. The Chaplain is a non-threatening asset that the Command has to explore, and try to defuse the situation. Like it or not, as a leader, it is NOT being a "Tattle Tail" it is taking care of your Soldiers! It is NOT in the best interest of the Soldier, The Unit or the Family, to let it go. Kids could end up dead, offending spouse and paramour could end up dead and so could the Soldier. The Chaplain can open doors for counseling, in and out patient mental health care, and can just maybe help save that marriage. Chaplains exist for more than you think Sir, Chaplains can be a force multiplier.

While chaplains can (and do) provide religious services for the command, one of the most important jobs the chaplain has in the command is keeping his/her finger on the pulse of morale in a unit. In addition, the chaplain provides a necessary link to counseling services that a soldier (no matter their religious tradition or lack thereof) may need. Chaplains are trained specifically for this role, and are bound to set aside any religious differences with the soldier when providing/referring the required mental health or counseling services. As many of us can attest, a known case of infidelity within a command can be a real morale killer which can lead to far more serious problems, as stated in earlier posts. None better than the chaplain to deal with these kinds of issues. Don't get wrapped up in the man or woman's title. If it helps, just call them counselor.

I believe if either one was a close friend I would tell the cheating spouse they had 2 choices: they could stop it, or they could go tell their spouse and offer to get counseling. If they did neither of these, I would go to the Chaplain, and it would come out anyway. I have been close with situations like this, and I don't believe it's good to tell the cheated-on spouse. They either would not believe you and you would lose the friendship, or you trigger a series of events you did not intend.

Just be real sure that you are right before you decide to accuse someone. I sometimes drove my best friend's car while he was in Vietnam and even took his then fiance to a couple of events (at his request) and we had nothing going on. However I am sure that it looked suspicious to some people.