Posted on Jul 23, 2020
I’m trying to be a good NCO, but I feel my intentions are misconstrued by my Soldiers. Am I the problem? If so, how can I fix myself?
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Apologies for this being long, but I am desperately seeking wisdom because there is none to be found anywhere at my unit.
I have been in a Platoon Sergeant position for two weeks because nobody else is available and I am struggling bad. It has made me very doubtful of my ability overall because I feel my platoon hates me or at the least has no faith in me as their acting PSG that I do care. I understand that this seems like mind-reading, bitching, or just whining, but I really could use advice and none of my peers or those in my chain of command are around due to them coming off deployment. And the ones that are have way too much on their plate due to being on Rear D to sit and talk with me.
I always try my best to practice what I preach, but I have difficulty communicating with others. I sometimes stutter or what I mean to say comes out wrong or at least I have to repeat myself to clarify what I mean. Even though I’ve made tremendous strides in overcoming personal social anxiety, I still have trouble with communication and often have to clarify myself or ask if what I said was understood.
If standards are set, I myself follow them, and I ask my soldiers to follow them too. I try to minimize BS that comes our way and if they can be offset by some kind of reward for them, I would do so. I like to imagine that I am fair and reasonable, but I expect others to do the right thing.
But being in this position, which was a crapshoot to begin with because the previous acting PSG left a huge pile of crap for me to deal with, (soldier going through AR-15, Soldier’s personal issues that leak over into work, with little to no info, it has been one hardship after another that I take to bed with me thinking about what I had done wrong and what I should have done better.
But I at least tried my best to salvage what I could. It doesn’t help that discipline is shitty because the previous PSG couldn’t care less, which left the joes to do basically whatever, and I feel I am looked at as an unreasonable hardass because I enforce standards despite me doing all in my power to do the right thing Ntoo. I despise hypocrisy, so I practice what I preach and don’t let standards slip for myself. If anything, I am harder on myself to avoid slipping into the trap of throwing up my hands and giving into hopelessness.
What makes this worse is that NOBODY likes the unit we are in and the atmosphere of negativity feels like a palpable thing, like smoke. The joes often talk about how much they hate our unit, but do nothing to improve it, and the NCOs as well as officers who do care are beaten down by all the negativity from their peers and leaders.
Bottom line, I enforce standards like I am supposed to, but I worry I come across like a zealot or hardass because I don’t accept shitty performances despite me holding myself to that same standard. I always try to talk to them to make sure they are well and getting their needs taken care of. I have trouble communicating and getting my point across when I am stressed, which makes it hard for me to effectively coach and mentor others. So when I enforce standards and discipline amongst my platoon, how can I do so without coming across as an unreasonable hardass? How can I communicate more effectively? I sincerely care about my soldiers, but I don’t know what I am doing wrong.
Apologies again for this being so long, but I have no other senior NCOs or peers to turn to for advice.
I have been in a Platoon Sergeant position for two weeks because nobody else is available and I am struggling bad. It has made me very doubtful of my ability overall because I feel my platoon hates me or at the least has no faith in me as their acting PSG that I do care. I understand that this seems like mind-reading, bitching, or just whining, but I really could use advice and none of my peers or those in my chain of command are around due to them coming off deployment. And the ones that are have way too much on their plate due to being on Rear D to sit and talk with me.
I always try my best to practice what I preach, but I have difficulty communicating with others. I sometimes stutter or what I mean to say comes out wrong or at least I have to repeat myself to clarify what I mean. Even though I’ve made tremendous strides in overcoming personal social anxiety, I still have trouble with communication and often have to clarify myself or ask if what I said was understood.
If standards are set, I myself follow them, and I ask my soldiers to follow them too. I try to minimize BS that comes our way and if they can be offset by some kind of reward for them, I would do so. I like to imagine that I am fair and reasonable, but I expect others to do the right thing.
But being in this position, which was a crapshoot to begin with because the previous acting PSG left a huge pile of crap for me to deal with, (soldier going through AR-15, Soldier’s personal issues that leak over into work, with little to no info, it has been one hardship after another that I take to bed with me thinking about what I had done wrong and what I should have done better.
But I at least tried my best to salvage what I could. It doesn’t help that discipline is shitty because the previous PSG couldn’t care less, which left the joes to do basically whatever, and I feel I am looked at as an unreasonable hardass because I enforce standards despite me doing all in my power to do the right thing Ntoo. I despise hypocrisy, so I practice what I preach and don’t let standards slip for myself. If anything, I am harder on myself to avoid slipping into the trap of throwing up my hands and giving into hopelessness.
What makes this worse is that NOBODY likes the unit we are in and the atmosphere of negativity feels like a palpable thing, like smoke. The joes often talk about how much they hate our unit, but do nothing to improve it, and the NCOs as well as officers who do care are beaten down by all the negativity from their peers and leaders.
Bottom line, I enforce standards like I am supposed to, but I worry I come across like a zealot or hardass because I don’t accept shitty performances despite me holding myself to that same standard. I always try to talk to them to make sure they are well and getting their needs taken care of. I have trouble communicating and getting my point across when I am stressed, which makes it hard for me to effectively coach and mentor others. So when I enforce standards and discipline amongst my platoon, how can I do so without coming across as an unreasonable hardass? How can I communicate more effectively? I sincerely care about my soldiers, but I don’t know what I am doing wrong.
Apologies again for this being so long, but I have no other senior NCOs or peers to turn to for advice.
Platoon Sergeant
Advice
Mentorship
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 27
37
37
0
You will never be your Soldiers friend so don’t expect them to like you. But treat them with respect, and demand they treat everyone else with respect. They in turn will respect you and that’s worth more than being liked.
The Soldiers below you will resist you and hate you to some degree when the unit morale is low. That’s not a reflection on you; you are the authority so you represent the unit they hate. But as long as they gripe to you and bring their problems to you, they respect and trust you enough to hope you can help them. As Colin Powell famously stated, when Soldiers stop bringing their problems to you, you’re no longer leading them.
Most places that aren’t some elite or well funded unit have morale issues to some degree for some period of time. You’re put in a place where you’re struggling to support the units mission and trying to protect the welfare of your Soldiers. Often the two seem diametrically opposed or mutually exclusive. Your unit needs people for a detail but your guy needs to go to these appointments. Sometimes you have to push back, sometimes you have to roll with it and spread out the BS. It’s easier to do that when your people feel like a team. People feel like a team when there’s culture. An organization develops culture when it’s members help each other, they destroy culture when members refuse to help each other. Simon Sinek writes, blogs, and teaches a lot about research on culture within teams. It is the glue that holds the teams together and the reason people either love or hate coming to work.
Last, I’ll leave you with a piece of parting wisdom that my 1SG told me when I first became a Senior Medic - When you become a leader, the Army gives you all these balls to juggle, and they’ll keep adding balls as long as you can juggle them. Some of these balls are glass and some are rubber. You just have to figure out which ones you can drop and recover and which ones you can’t.
The Soldiers below you will resist you and hate you to some degree when the unit morale is low. That’s not a reflection on you; you are the authority so you represent the unit they hate. But as long as they gripe to you and bring their problems to you, they respect and trust you enough to hope you can help them. As Colin Powell famously stated, when Soldiers stop bringing their problems to you, you’re no longer leading them.
Most places that aren’t some elite or well funded unit have morale issues to some degree for some period of time. You’re put in a place where you’re struggling to support the units mission and trying to protect the welfare of your Soldiers. Often the two seem diametrically opposed or mutually exclusive. Your unit needs people for a detail but your guy needs to go to these appointments. Sometimes you have to push back, sometimes you have to roll with it and spread out the BS. It’s easier to do that when your people feel like a team. People feel like a team when there’s culture. An organization develops culture when it’s members help each other, they destroy culture when members refuse to help each other. Simon Sinek writes, blogs, and teaches a lot about research on culture within teams. It is the glue that holds the teams together and the reason people either love or hate coming to work.
Last, I’ll leave you with a piece of parting wisdom that my 1SG told me when I first became a Senior Medic - When you become a leader, the Army gives you all these balls to juggle, and they’ll keep adding balls as long as you can juggle them. Some of these balls are glass and some are rubber. You just have to figure out which ones you can drop and recover and which ones you can’t.
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Think, plan, practice, speak. Be as clear concise and to the point as you can be. Actions speak louder than words. Care for your Soldiers, show empathy, counsel them and spend time one on one with each of them. Leadership is not easy, but it’s simple. Lead and treat others the way you’d like to be led. Sometimes you have to lead up. Don’t let a bad CoC bring you down, lead in spite of them.
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Read what SFC (Join to see) Jason Boyd wrote again...
For Good or Bad you are in the hot seat. Earn your men's respect by leading from the front, exceeding the standard you demand from them and know your troopers. You will have to address each Soldier's problems, one at a time and give it your all to fix it. Fixes may ar may not make the Soldier happy but Do fix it correctly.
Stay Strong and believe in yourself. You are a Non-commissioned Officer, no one is more professional than you. If you do your best for them, it may take a bit but they will see it and appreciate it and Respect the man who is giving them 100%
For Good or Bad you are in the hot seat. Earn your men's respect by leading from the front, exceeding the standard you demand from them and know your troopers. You will have to address each Soldier's problems, one at a time and give it your all to fix it. Fixes may ar may not make the Soldier happy but Do fix it correctly.
Stay Strong and believe in yourself. You are a Non-commissioned Officer, no one is more professional than you. If you do your best for them, it may take a bit but they will see it and appreciate it and Respect the man who is giving them 100%
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