Posted on May 14, 2019
If I’m still on maternity leave and want to legally separate from my husband, will I require a family care plan?
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I want to legally separate from my husband. He is extremely emotionally and psychologically abuse and I’m finally strong enough to make a move.
Will I need a fcp? If I separate from him, I won’t have one, as I’m on the other side of the country from my family. I’d prefer to chapter, so that I can go back home to my family and rebuild my life.
So what’s the process? I’m still on maternity leave, should I let my COC know now? Is there anyway to expedite the chapter? Will they even let me get one if it’s not an actual divorce?
Thanks everyone.
Will I need a fcp? If I separate from him, I won’t have one, as I’m on the other side of the country from my family. I’d prefer to chapter, so that I can go back home to my family and rebuild my life.
So what’s the process? I’m still on maternity leave, should I let my COC know now? Is there anyway to expedite the chapter? Will they even let me get one if it’s not an actual divorce?
Thanks everyone.
Posted in these groups: 
Divorce
Dual Military
Divorce Dual Military
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 3
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You've got to give people time to answer, it's only been an hour lol.
As soon as you lack proper care for your dependents you require a family care plan. You can inform your command now. You have 30 days to develop a family care plan once the issue has been identified or every time you PCS. I would encourage you to hold off on being separated for a while. You just had a baby and you're escaping an emotionally volatile situation with your spouse. Your emotions are all over the place from hormones, conflict, stress and change. It is literally the worst time to make life altering decisions in the middle of life changing upheaval. Don't make a permanent decision to a short term problem.
I would encourage you to ride out the duration of your contract for at least another year. You have financial stability, great health care and it will give you time to plan your exit while you save money - babies are expensive, extremely frigging expensive.
If you rush to leave you will be disadvantaged by missing valuable time to attend SFLTAP for your final year. Leaving early will cost you some of your benefits such as your GI Bill, VA home loan, and repaying a portion of any bonus you may have received. You could use the rest of your contract to attend college and ETS with at least an AA and apply to jobs. You could transition to a reserve component which would help cover your Healthcare, provide tuition assistance, and you could transfer your GI Bill to your child in the future.
As soon as you lack proper care for your dependents you require a family care plan. You can inform your command now. You have 30 days to develop a family care plan once the issue has been identified or every time you PCS. I would encourage you to hold off on being separated for a while. You just had a baby and you're escaping an emotionally volatile situation with your spouse. Your emotions are all over the place from hormones, conflict, stress and change. It is literally the worst time to make life altering decisions in the middle of life changing upheaval. Don't make a permanent decision to a short term problem.
I would encourage you to ride out the duration of your contract for at least another year. You have financial stability, great health care and it will give you time to plan your exit while you save money - babies are expensive, extremely frigging expensive.
If you rush to leave you will be disadvantaged by missing valuable time to attend SFLTAP for your final year. Leaving early will cost you some of your benefits such as your GI Bill, VA home loan, and repaying a portion of any bonus you may have received. You could use the rest of your contract to attend college and ETS with at least an AA and apply to jobs. You could transition to a reserve component which would help cover your Healthcare, provide tuition assistance, and you could transfer your GI Bill to your child in the future.
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PFC (Join to see)
Thank you SFC. Sorry lol, I was just really eager for an answer. The thing is, we’ve been married for 3 years, and he has been abusive the whole time . Ever since the baby was born, it has gotten worse and worse, where it’s difficult for me to even be in the same room as him. I literally get a jolt of fear whenever he opens his mouth to talk to me. I don’t think I can “hold off” for another 4 years. I can’t continue to let my other 2 kids suffer at his expense either. I’d rather go back in the civilian world and work, be single, and raise my boys without having to worry about them being neglected or abused when I deploy or go to the field. If I do happen to marry again, I’d gladly reenlist. But right now, I can’t do this. Can’t put up with abuse just to stay in the army! (I know that sounds bad but it’s real).
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SSG Phil Miller
I have dealt with this as a police office many times. However, I am not on-scene to witness what is actually happening and I only have 1/3 of the story. I say 1/3 because there is your side, there is his side, and some where in the middle is the truth. I am not saying you are lying, but stories are always embellished a little to the tellers side.
Having said that, if what you are saying is true, you do NOT want your children to grow up in a home where they will assume this is normal behavior.
If your sons see daddy treating mamma like this, and mamma allows it to continue, then it is okay.
The ball is in your court.
On the other hand, if this is a ploy to leave the Army then you better listen to SFC Boyd.
Having said that, if what you are saying is true, you do NOT want your children to grow up in a home where they will assume this is normal behavior.
If your sons see daddy treating mamma like this, and mamma allows it to continue, then it is okay.
The ball is in your court.
On the other hand, if this is a ploy to leave the Army then you better listen to SFC Boyd.
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SFC (Join to see)
PFC (Join to see) I never said anything about staying with your spouse. There is nothing that I said that has anything to do with your spouse. You can absolutely be a single parent in the Army, it just takes extra work. It takes extra work to be a single parent anywhere, in any job. I'm saying this as another single parent in the Army who also has three kids. You have a very either/or mindset right now. There are other options besides letting your kids stay with your spouse when you deploy. The Army is literally filled with women who are single mothers and help each other out with their family care plans
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SFC(P) (Join to see)
PFC (Join to see) - Sfc Boyd is giving you solid advice. I became a single parent back in 03 with a baby (6 months) and a step son who was 3. I was a lance corporal at Lejeune. Let me tell you it was very very hard and stressful. The closest family I had lived in Daytona down in florida. I was on my 2nd NJP going through a lot and feeling the same way you felt. My COC especially my Ssgt and Mgysgt had my back and supported me throughout the whole process. I went and got legally separated held my own house and the spouses of my buddies helped me out like crazy. I ended up riding out my 4 years active in the corps and it ended up being the best decision I made. It gave me all the benefits and helped me out for my future and my kids future. Now because of it I have mgibill I can transfer to my daughter who is about to graduate high school.
My advice is go to a lawyer get the proceedings started for a divorce, legal separation, custody of children ect. Inform your COC ASAP... Because if your spouse is abusive (verbal/physical) they will be able to help you out ASAP. Wish you and your kids the best of luck.
Oh yeah don't think Re-enlisted is that easy once you are out. It is very very very hard.. I am still waiting for over a month now even with my 368 approved to get a slot at meps and to get back active duty. We are the bottom of the barrel to the Army once you are off of Active Duty.
My advice is go to a lawyer get the proceedings started for a divorce, legal separation, custody of children ect. Inform your COC ASAP... Because if your spouse is abusive (verbal/physical) they will be able to help you out ASAP. Wish you and your kids the best of luck.
Oh yeah don't think Re-enlisted is that easy once you are out. It is very very very hard.. I am still waiting for over a month now even with my 368 approved to get a slot at meps and to get back active duty. We are the bottom of the barrel to the Army once you are off of Active Duty.
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Yes, you will.
When I was a Retention NCO, I tried everything I could to keep a single mom in. She wanted to stay in too. I looked up every regulation that had to do with her situation and tried to come up with alternative plans.
Nothing worked because she did not have a solid family care plan. Very sad, but your child's needs come first.
When I was a Retention NCO, I tried everything I could to keep a single mom in. She wanted to stay in too. I looked up every regulation that had to do with her situation and tried to come up with alternative plans.
Nothing worked because she did not have a solid family care plan. Very sad, but your child's needs come first.
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