Posted on May 5, 2015
Is leaving the military like experiencing a death in the family?
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I heard a story this weekend on NPR about separations - from the military, divorce, etc. The narrator maintained that leaving the military when one's hitch is up, or returning from a deployment and going our separate ways, is the death of a special bond we had with our comrades in arms, and we experience some parts of the grieving process that follow an actual death.
I didn't experience this feeling when I left the military - I think - because I continued to serve and work with my Army colleagues as a DA civilian. I do remember, however, missing the camaraderie and closeness of my first assignment with the 82nd Airborne Division. We were a very close team, squad, platoon, and even company. Our leaders built esprit de corps and unit cohesion like I have not experienced since. I did "grieve" a little and miss those guys a lot.
Veterans, did you find this to be the case when you left the military? Others, did you feel this when you left a particularly close-knit unit? Or a close circle of military friends? Do you think this is valid? Or is it bunk and psychobabble?
I didn't experience this feeling when I left the military - I think - because I continued to serve and work with my Army colleagues as a DA civilian. I do remember, however, missing the camaraderie and closeness of my first assignment with the 82nd Airborne Division. We were a very close team, squad, platoon, and even company. Our leaders built esprit de corps and unit cohesion like I have not experienced since. I did "grieve" a little and miss those guys a lot.
Veterans, did you find this to be the case when you left the military? Others, did you feel this when you left a particularly close-knit unit? Or a close circle of military friends? Do you think this is valid? Or is it bunk and psychobabble?
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Responses: 24
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It's a life changing experience, if you served over 25 years it's tough.
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After experiencing a death in my family...there is actually no comparison...none.
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I understand completely, MSG Brad Sand. I've lost a daughter and my father, and I agree there's no comparison. That said, there could be parts (less intense) of the grieving process involved in separating from the military.
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MSG Brad Sand
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I am not saying there is not a since of loss with separating, but it is nothing like the loss of a child. Additionally, we go into the military with an expectation, or even a plan, of leaving. I think we actually agree on this. Yesterday, my daughter out of the blue said "I miss Megan." It has been a couple years since her sissy's death, and writing this still brings tears...I never shed a tear about retiring...well maybe for joy but those don't really count?
I am not saying there is not a since of loss with separating, but it is nothing like the loss of a child. Additionally, we go into the military with an expectation, or even a plan, of leaving. I think we actually agree on this. Yesterday, my daughter out of the blue said "I miss Megan." It has been a couple years since her sissy's death, and writing this still brings tears...I never shed a tear about retiring...well maybe for joy but those don't really count?
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CW5 (Join to see) Yes, it is a death of the old life into a new. I found a feeling of remorse each time I left active duty and returned to my civilian job and reserve status.
The last deployment to Afghanistan, seemed the hardest with so many who died in the Afghan Surge and I found it very difficult to find the same level meaning in my job. The passion and motivation need time to come back and for your brain to let you know all is OK.
My wife and kids say I am different, no matter how much I want to be the same person that went on active duty, you are impacted and can only hope the change is not too much.
The last deployment to Afghanistan, seemed the hardest with so many who died in the Afghan Surge and I found it very difficult to find the same level meaning in my job. The passion and motivation need time to come back and for your brain to let you know all is OK.
My wife and kids say I am different, no matter how much I want to be the same person that went on active duty, you are impacted and can only hope the change is not too much.
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Thanks for sharing your experiences and feelings, sir. All good points. I never deployed to a combat environment, but I think I understand where you're coming from.
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