Posted on Dec 19, 2022
My wife can't drive due to medical condition and I am still expected to go on rotation without having a plan for my wife. What should I do?
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My wife is already enrolled in EFMP. My unit is not concerned about my situation they simply want everyone deployable to go on this rumor of a rotation. We haven't even been published orders for the rotation so everything is still in limbo. I don't know how I am going to be able to be over seas when my wife can't get to doctor appointments and what she needs to due to medical condition.
Posted in these groups: 
Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP)
Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP)
Posted 2 y ago
Responses: 7
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You should file for a hardship discharge. If your spouse is unable to function without you leaving, the military is not for you. EFMP is for making sure you get stationed at a location where your dependents can get the medical or educational support they need, it's not a stay in the rear forever card.
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SGT (Join to see)
No one is trying to stay in the rear forever. My wife has and ABI and when she had her brain tumor my unit then left us out to dry with no support and she started their FRG. I should have got out then! 4 years later now and one tour to Korea now I'm looking at leaving again with not enough notice to plan accordingly. My unit doesn't even have orders for movement over seas but swares we are going.
Thank you for your input but however if it wasn't for the army then I'm not sure how I could provide medically and financial for my family. So until then I will just have to keep making sacrifices for them.
Thank you for your input but however if it wasn't for the army then I'm not sure how I could provide medically and financial for my family. So until then I will just have to keep making sacrifices for them.
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SFC (Join to see)
SGT (Join to see) either
1. Your spouse is unable to function without you being present, and you need to get out because deployment and rotations will continue to come or
2. Your spouse's condition is temporary, and will be resolved, and you just need a year of stability in a compassionate reassignment to get a good plan in place or
3. Your spouse can adapt to not having you around for a while to drive her.
You need to figure out which that is and plan accordingly. If that means you stay in the Army then you need to plan accordingly for your spouse to get around.
You said you don't have a better way to provide for your family and I understand that. That's why you need to decide to get out and plan accordingly, or stay in and figure out how to get your wife to her appointments. I'm sure she's not an invalid, she bears some of the responsibility for figuring out how to get herself around while you're gone.
If you don't pick one of those three and adapt to it, the Army will pick for you. What will happen is that you will just keep keeping on and some commander will look at your situation and separate you because you can't deploy and you need a family care plan. What that looks like is a discharge on the Army's time-line and you and your family scrambling to land safely.
The Army has a very clear policy on this. Either this is temporary and they'll grant you a compassionate reassignment to get it fixed or it's permanent and you need to request a hardship discharge.
1. Your spouse is unable to function without you being present, and you need to get out because deployment and rotations will continue to come or
2. Your spouse's condition is temporary, and will be resolved, and you just need a year of stability in a compassionate reassignment to get a good plan in place or
3. Your spouse can adapt to not having you around for a while to drive her.
You need to figure out which that is and plan accordingly. If that means you stay in the Army then you need to plan accordingly for your spouse to get around.
You said you don't have a better way to provide for your family and I understand that. That's why you need to decide to get out and plan accordingly, or stay in and figure out how to get your wife to her appointments. I'm sure she's not an invalid, she bears some of the responsibility for figuring out how to get herself around while you're gone.
If you don't pick one of those three and adapt to it, the Army will pick for you. What will happen is that you will just keep keeping on and some commander will look at your situation and separate you because you can't deploy and you need a family care plan. What that looks like is a discharge on the Army's time-line and you and your family scrambling to land safely.
The Army has a very clear policy on this. Either this is temporary and they'll grant you a compassionate reassignment to get it fixed or it's permanent and you need to request a hardship discharge.
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One of your first calls should be to an advisor at Military OneSource*. They will be able to advise you of programs you can take advantage of, local groups that might be able to assist, etc.
Assuming you still need assistance after that and taking MSG (Join to see)'s advice (family members/neighbors), you can talk with the USO and local Veteran Service Organizations (VFW, DAV, etc) to see if they have local assistance programs you might be able to tap into (understand, you're not the target demographic of a VSO, but many help active duty military when they can).
Depending on her condition and what medical coverage she has, there may be ride reimbursement clauses you can take advantage of (for example, TRICARE Prime may pay for family members in some situations; Medicaid covers non-emergency medical transportation for doc visits though companies like Veyo; etc)
Talk with your unit - assuming they have a rear detachment, most 'special needs' of deploying Soldiers can be addressed with them. If you're wife's travel requirements aren't too onerous, then whoever the rear-detachment commander is can probably arrange for someone to provide transportation.
Finally, if all else fails, a harsh answer (not meant to be) ... your wife will likely have to become familiar with using public transportation.
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* https://www.militaryonesource.mil/ [login to see]
* TRICARE Prime covered travel - https://tricare.mil/primetravel
Assuming you still need assistance after that and taking MSG (Join to see)'s advice (family members/neighbors), you can talk with the USO and local Veteran Service Organizations (VFW, DAV, etc) to see if they have local assistance programs you might be able to tap into (understand, you're not the target demographic of a VSO, but many help active duty military when they can).
Depending on her condition and what medical coverage she has, there may be ride reimbursement clauses you can take advantage of (for example, TRICARE Prime may pay for family members in some situations; Medicaid covers non-emergency medical transportation for doc visits though companies like Veyo; etc)
Talk with your unit - assuming they have a rear detachment, most 'special needs' of deploying Soldiers can be addressed with them. If you're wife's travel requirements aren't too onerous, then whoever the rear-detachment commander is can probably arrange for someone to provide transportation.
Finally, if all else fails, a harsh answer (not meant to be) ... your wife will likely have to become familiar with using public transportation.
-------------------------------------------------------------
* https://www.militaryonesource.mil/ [login to see]
* TRICARE Prime covered travel - https://tricare.mil/primetravel
Support for Military Personnel & Families • Military OneSource
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This isn't an EFMP issue. It is a family care plan issue. Do you have one? FCPs are not just for children.
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SGT (Join to see)
Thank you SFC Casey. I just found out today from someone that is a separate unit this same information. My wife has been on EFMP for 7 years and this is all new information.
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Lt Col Charlie Brown
SGT (Join to see) - just get the hospital to verify your wife's condition. The COC has nothing to say with regard to that.
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SGT (Join to see)
Lt Col Charlie Brown it is currently under review right now with providers. I am just preparing on the options of I am going over seas what resources are out there. By any means am I trying to get out. My soldiers need me.
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SFC Casey O'Mally
SGT (Join to see) "My Soldiers need me."
This is one of the biggest fallacies in the military. Your Soldiers need a good NCO. That does not have to be you.
While you are in the position, they are entitled to outstanding leadership. If your home situation prevents you from providing that outstanding leadership, kindly step aside so someone else can.
I am not saying this to be a dick or to cast judgment. Indeed, I used "if" VERY intentionally, because I do not know the truth of the matter.
We, as leaders, often put so much pressure on ourselves to take care of our Soldiers (as we should). But we get so caught up in doing the job we forget that we are not the only person in the Army who can do our jobs. No one - and I do mean no one - in the Army is irreplaceable. Not even SMA or CSA.
So do what you need to do to take care of your Soldiers, absolutely. But take care of your family, too. And remember that if you can't give the Soldiers 100%, then they are likely better off with the next NCO in the chute, who CAN give them 100%.
This is one of the biggest fallacies in the military. Your Soldiers need a good NCO. That does not have to be you.
While you are in the position, they are entitled to outstanding leadership. If your home situation prevents you from providing that outstanding leadership, kindly step aside so someone else can.
I am not saying this to be a dick or to cast judgment. Indeed, I used "if" VERY intentionally, because I do not know the truth of the matter.
We, as leaders, often put so much pressure on ourselves to take care of our Soldiers (as we should). But we get so caught up in doing the job we forget that we are not the only person in the Army who can do our jobs. No one - and I do mean no one - in the Army is irreplaceable. Not even SMA or CSA.
So do what you need to do to take care of your Soldiers, absolutely. But take care of your family, too. And remember that if you can't give the Soldiers 100%, then they are likely better off with the next NCO in the chute, who CAN give them 100%.
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