Posted on May 12, 2014
Scenario Question: You live on post, your neighbor deployed and you see guys coming over all hours of the night. What do you do?
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I've experienced this myself and you may think you know what you'll do but there are so many factors to consider.
How will this effect him while he's gone knowing his wife is cheating? How will this effect his kids? Etc. How do you handle this situation.
To clarify, the spouse in this scenario is a civilian.
*ADDED* Loyalty, one of the Army Values. Is it disloyal to not at least tell him what you saw? How would he picture you if he came home and found out on his own and asked you about it. And you tell him you did see some "movement?"
How will this effect him while he's gone knowing his wife is cheating? How will this effect his kids? Etc. How do you handle this situation.
To clarify, the spouse in this scenario is a civilian.
*ADDED* Loyalty, one of the Army Values. Is it disloyal to not at least tell him what you saw? How would he picture you if he came home and found out on his own and asked you about it. And you tell him you did see some "movement?"
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 42
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My major dilemma here would be stressing somebody downrange. We all know what that's like. I would hate to make some poor guy have a miserable tour because all he's picturing is Sancho rolling up at his house every night - especially if there's nothing really going on.
/I feel the need to justify - if you don't know what the term "Sancho" means, please know it's nothing racist. It's a very old term.
/I feel the need to justify - if you don't know what the term "Sancho" means, please know it's nothing racist. It's a very old term.
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MAJ Jim Woods
In my day the term was "Jody". As soon the 1st Cav left Ft. Benning in mid 60's the post clubs were filled with "wives". Not enough sense to go downtown. I agree with MAJ Ian Dews. You really don't know what is going on and speculation will get you in trouble. Each assignment has "Geographical Bachelors and Bachelorettes ".
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SGT Robert Hawks
I lived in Germany during the first Gulf War my wife, children and I lived in quarters and my neighbor got deployed his wife had several gentlemen call on her during a four month period the week before her husband comes home big yellow ribbon goes on the door ten year old daughter gets a brand new bike. I didn't say any thing but I felt it was none of my business.
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I have actually experienced this. The only two differences in the scenario are that he asked me to keep an eye on her, and I actually caught her "getting busy" (keeping it PG) on an air conditioning unit in a neighbors backyard! Having been through this myself as the guy being cheated on, I absolutely told him. I waited until he got back from deployment though. He didn't need to have that on his mind downrange. I would absolutely want someone to tell me. Nobody likes being made a fool of. They were divorced, he was reassigned to Alaska where he met and married a very nice nurse, and she ended up marrying the A/C guy and they are still married to this day. By the way, that is one sight I will never forget as long as I live.
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SSG Matt Murphy
...like the advice...wait until safe at home...and face to face conversation best way to go....
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1SG Ronald Rieck
It happened to me as well during my first "marriage"...I was 22 years old, always in the field, and I found out that my new bride was spending her free time at the clubs banging everyone she could find. It took me a few months to realize what was going on, but my next door neighbor finally told me. Net result is I divorced that bitch, and have been happily married for 23 years now to an amazing lady...I wish someone would have told me sooner..
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This is a hard one. Part of me wants to confront the spouse, part of me wants to inform the soldier so he is aware, and part of me wants to mind my own damn business. I honestly cannot say what I would do, but likely telling the soldier would be the best thing I could do. Tell him what I see, but no opinions otherwise.
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SSG Robert Burns
I think this may be the best answer yet. Just tell him what you've seen. "Hey brother, I seen some cars coming over your house at 2 in the morning. Just a heads up."
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CPT Zachary Brooks
For all I know, it could be her brother who works second shift staying with her to help out. Its not my place to judge, but I do want to look out for my fellow soldier and his family.
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MSgt (Join to see)
Nice answer sir. Been reading all the responses and to be honest not sure what would truly be the best decision. But just the heads up with no opinion sounds pretty safe.
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