What are some entertaining safety briefings you have had?

Obviously not something said while I was in 6+ years ago, but might be relevant today. "'Feel the Bern' is just a political slogan, kids. You don't want to be living it. So use protection... daytime and nighttime variety."

I had a 1SGT in AIT at Ft Sam Houston who would tell us exactly where to go on post to buy weed. He had a friend in CID that would tell him where the undercover agents would be each weekend. Not sure anyone actually bought it, though(the story, not the weed).

We were making an unscheduled stop in Sicily. The Command Senior Chief says, "They have different toilets over there, boys and girls. If you poop something bigger than your head, break it up with a stick before you try to flush."

There was silence for about a count of three, then the whole crew fell out.

In the event of an emergency, please stay calm. And if you see me running, you should try to keep up.

If your going to have sex this weekend, make sure you have both Kevlar and PT Belt on!

As a civilian I was a Safety Supervisor for a power plant. During a corporate meeting we had "Dr. Death" give an electrical safety demonstration. WARNING! If you don't know what you are doing, don't do this. He had a fish tank set up full of water on a PLASTIC table on RUBBER matting. He plugged in a blow dryer and threw it in. It made an awesome water pump. Then he put a GFCI inline and when the hair dryer hit the water it tripped. But THEN he put an extension cord in the water with the end cut off so the hot was at one end the common at the other. And put his hand in the water. Having been an electrician in the Navy I knew he should be fine. But then he asked for volunteers to put their hands in too. Yeh. Not so much. I did.

Years, too many to share, ago I had a 1SG who ended every weekend safety briefing with this memorable line, "Remember, have fun out there, but not too much. But if you do, don't name it after me." He always got a laugh with that line.

As First Sargent Frank Kane used to say, Now you STUDS are going into town for the weekend, and I don't want ANY OF YOU COMING BACK WITH THE DRIPPY DOOR KNOBS.

I always liked my 4 A's speech I gave before every weekend. Any one of the 4 A's can get you in trouble, and any combination will get you in trouble.
Alcohol
Automobile
Anatomy
Aids

Years ago (grammar school) there is no such thing as a Fire drill, If the alarm rings treat it as a real fire.