What are some Private (E-1) horror or funny stories you've seen/heard?

One E2 in my squad didn't get up on time, the platoon Sgt (SFC) warned him that this conduct will not be tolerated, a few days later he did it again, the E2 wouldn't get up, we tried to get him up , the SFC showed up and "completely lost it", he directed the E2 to open the MF window , at this point he threw his bunk and foot locker out the 2nd floor window, the E2 had to sleep outside in the rain that night , this action was very shocking but hilarious although no one openly laughed , a total wake up call!

Back when I was a 14T (Patriot launcher mechanic) we were in the field setting up our equipment. I finished early and went to assist with emplacing the radar. Removed the radome cover and went on to something else. Fresh out of AIT private comes along behind me and replaces the cover. When everything is done they fired up the radar and within less than 5 minutes there is the most foul smelling smoke pouring from the top of the radar. burned up the cover and fried a $200K radome.

Many moons ago, I was a newish RM1(SW) (E6-Navy)...just after the Tailhook scandal broke. My Chief and I were ordered to attend a one-day 'stand down' in the base theater at Norfolk, where we were going to be indoctrinated on how to be nice to Sailor's of the female persuasion. The theater was frik'n huge! Musta been several thousand E9's and below...we take our seat. A very, very heavy female officer waddles out and tells us all the wonderful things we are going to learn because of the Tailhook scandal...I was thinking, how can I sleep with no one noticing? Anyway, this porcine junior officer uttered those words no Navy Officer should ever ask Sailors...'Does anyone have a question?'. My Chief looked at me, wide eyed...I looked at him in panic...we both knew this wasn't going to end well. A very young E1 (like three seconds ago he was in boot camp) stands up, very erect, looks at the female officer, and bellows out, 'Why is it that every time you officers screw up, we enlisted have to pay for it?' There was deadly silence...you literally could not even hear a person breathe, cough, exhale, etc., for about five seconds...then the overhead came down with laughter...even the Chiefs, Senior and Master Chiefs (Gods among us) were rolling. The poor female officer turned 352 shades of red and no more questions were taken. I don't know much of what was presented to us...my Chief and I fell asleep (thank goodness).

Ok, I think I got one. Before my deployment in 2005, I was sort of in limbo for a while as I had to go through a med board for my hearing. They eventually okayed me to stay in my MOS provided that I use my hearing aids and kept hearing protection on me. During the process I was attached to the rear detachment as they weren't sure I was going to deploy in the following weeks. As most will guess they found a very good use for us, permanent post police. It wasn't the worst job ever, but we did work hard to clean up Ft. Campbell about 8hrs every day.

The post CSM would occasionally personally supervise us. One day I'm with a team picking up alongside the road and this jackass goes flying past us and tosses a piece of paper out the window littering right in front of me. I was livid until I go up to what he tossed out and found it was a temp tag, with his name, replacement company and everything on it. It was the end of the day, and I bring it in with me to show around for a laugh and the post CSM sees me and I show him the tag and explain what happened. He gets the most interesting shark's grin on his face and runs off with the tag.

The next day we got a new recruit, complaining quite loudly that somehow they have him doing post police because someone caught him littering, and he couldn't figure out how. None of us could stop sniggering for the rest of the day.

At camp casey,Korea 2004 we had a 2ID Q & A with the Sergeant Major of the Army. Some PVT. Stood up and asked Sergeant Major " I chose Korea so I wouldn't deploy and now we are deploying" SMA just shook his head as that soldiers NCO's where already ushering him outside I hope to low crawl back to the B's

Had a friend in basic who spray painted the back off his m-16 and then later got recycled but still graduated later

Stuck in a remote location, I desperately need to use the men's room. it was a real shit hole. Normally i'd take paper with me, but this time I didn't have any and when I went to use some i was out of luck. Fortunately there was a relatively clean rag mop in the corner.
Rag mop, mop, mop, mop, Rag mop!

I personally fried an electrical wiring harness in a HEMTT my first week out of AIT. My Motor SGT and Warrant Officer tore me a new one and provides me extra love for a few weeks. Needless to say that I recovered from that.

Well, had a foreign soldier who spoke rough English, he was made the SAW gunner. At a live fire range practicing BD1A this mofo stands up and starts hip firing full cyclic over the advancing team. He was providing "suppressive fire" according to him.

Had another hero who left his rifle in the back of the detailed trash truck and it drove off. He comes strolling up to report back then goes wide eyes realizing what just happen. Runs to the talk and asks the BNXO if he's seen his rifle. Luckily the TOC NCOIC grabbed it up before the truck left.

During entry station (2 wk prior BT) we had one soldier go and get an ice cream while the rest of the company was marching to Records.