What did the war mean to you?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There are things I desperately want to forget and things I will always remember. Sometimes it was the most fun a guy could have with his clothes on... OK there was that time, but what happens in the MRAP stays in the MRAP.

When I slice past your car going faster then the law allows, in traffic, while dancing in my seat to Wierd Al's "White and Nerdy" I am also trying to get closer to that feeling of concentration, that sense of focus. Feeling my body kick up to amber, tracking all the inputs and knowing that if I screw up I could die makes me feel that much more alive.

But then see the scars, on the inside. I look at friends who can't stand up right or are committing suicide by bottle. I restrain myself from snapping at young troops who just don't understand.

It is Joy and pain, love and heartache, fear and exhilaration, boredom and terror, and everyone has the same but different experience. I only miss it about once a week now.

Now I know what real love looks like and thus this colorful world looks emotionally dull.

"How many Veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"YOU DON"T KNOW CUZ YOU WEREN'T THERE!"

I am more critical of people these days. Before the war I wouldn't be as aggressive about facts and research. But there is hate in me for people who don't do the research, I lay blame there and it is not fair. But Hate is rarely reasoning.

After going I am rarely afraid anymore. Not sure that is a good thing.

It was the best time in my life, it was the worst time in my life.

To me, the war meant doing whatever it took to complete the mission and take care of my Soldiers.

I am an old disabled vet, but I did take an oath before God to obey my Comander and Chief, and defend my country domestic an foreign, so my opinion on why we were or are where we may be really has no bearing. Our motor was " to free the oppressed", so even if called on today I would go. If we don't honor our code and act on our own opinions and beliefs we can not succeed. We may even fail as a group, but at least we will do it together as brothers in arms.