What is the best way to lead a new soldier who is uncertain if they even want to be in the army?

here's my story about why I joined the military. before high school even started I had already had my mind made up that I wanted to join the Navy and be a S.E.A.L. I did all the research I could, I knew how long the trading would be and what would happen if I got severely sick or injured during BUD/s and that I needed a source rating first and to pass the PT test just to get into the program. in high school, I joined the schools NJROTC program and in my senior year I walked up to the Navy recruiter and started talking to him. a few days later I was taking my ASVAB and 2 days before Christmas I was sworn into the delayed entry program. during boot camp at NTC SD, I passed the BUD/s pt test and after boot camp I was on my way to GM "A" school at Great Lakes (you don't send a SoCal boy to a place like that in the winter). before school everyday I was doing the divefarer PT on the recruit side of Great Lakes to keep us in shape for what ever dive school we were going to, whether it was dive school, EOD, or BUD/s. due to the freezing temperatures and often at times sub zero with wind chill, I ended up suffering a major double ear infection from running in freezing rain after pool days and perforated my ear drum. that injury disqualified me from any dive program offered for as long as I remained in the Navy. As my dreams of me a S.E.A.L. disappeared I wanted nothing more then to get out of the Navy and go back to my boring, dull life until the 1st class S.E.A.L. and CPO that ran the divefarer pt pulled me aside to talk. they told me that just because I could no longer go into the program I wanted didn't mean I couldn't continue to better myself by participating in the morning pt, trying to get orders to a S.E.A.L. Team support unit or to an actual team, to an SBU, EOD, or dive unit. because of the rate I choose, I didn't have to be stuck on a ship for my whole career, whether it 4years or 20. after that talk, it helped to change my mind set and to start focusing on the positive. out of my 20yrs on active duty, 14 1/2 were spent working with EOD, SPECWAR, and Expeditionary units.

When I was a whiny young bitch, I had a spec 4 tell me "then leave, just leave." That shut me right up. Turns out I was just wanting to complain to someone, and once he made me realize that no one wanted to listen to my bitching, I became a real soldier. I am still very grateful for that smack-down. That was nearly thirty years ago.
I can't say that the kids these days are the same as they were even a generation ago. I employ kids in the 18-25 age range. The work is not military, but it is is really hot or really cold and always dirty and strenuous and at horrible hours. A lot of them don't make it a month or even a week. This is very different from how it went when I first took this job nearly a decade ago.
I see a generation that has been allowed to give up too easily on everything, so when they encounter something that actually is difficult, they are not emotionally or mentally able to deliver and succeed.
This may be what you are up against. If so, here's how the 2016 me deals with it:
- I ask them what they think about their situation.
- I remind them that the work is hard and that the physical part is the least difficult.
- I remind them that we would not have hired them if we didn't think they could do the work.
- I ask if there is something we can do to help (re-training) because I will. I'll suffer with them -- if they will commit to trying.
Most of them have no idea what is wrong, just that their situation is wrong. They have never been taxed with having to think critically about anything before. Problems have always been taken care of for them. This is true for kids from all sorts of backgrounds, not just the well-off.
The first resort method employed on me back in 1988 is your last resort in 2016, but if you have gone through some sort of process where you:
- Figure out what is wrong
- Offer a solution that will ameliorate the problem
- Be willing to work along side to make it happen
You are at a point where you can say "look, Junior, it's decision time," and realistically expect a decision.
Hopefully, they will toughen up and at least finish their enlistment. If they are still crying, get them out as fast as you can. All that expense to train them is a sunk cost and is no reason for keeping a sub-par individual on your team.

No different than a solider who has expressed a desire for a lifetime career. Set clear performance standards, expect positive results. Military service is not for everyone and joining to obtain promised benefits is perfectly acceptable. Your professionalism is on display. "Kicking a solider to the curb" is evidence of a leadership failure, not a leadership style.

Most soldiers have a VERY unrealistic expectation about the civilian world. Many think they can easily transition into a job making tons of cash in the federal government with the training they have received in the military. It is hard to get the point across to them that is not how it works.

Regardless of whether or not his recruiter lied to him, he signed the dotted line. If he wants that college money he needs to earn it. The oath he swore to and the contract he signed shouldn't have be taken lightly and he needs to man up. I had doubts too but I knuckled down and made the best of it. Make sure he knows that when all is said and done, it will most likely be one of his greatest decisions and it will be more than worth it.

Honest communication. Find out what is going on in their head. Show a genuine desire for the well being of that SM. This is not coddling them, it's leading by example. I never asked anyone to do anything that I would not do myself. By showing the SM that you are willing to listen and are concerned for their well being you in turn will receive that SM's respect if for nothing other than just listening to them (without judging them)

That Soldier may be uncertain for a number of reasons. One could be negativity within the unit. If so, do your best to curb that way of thinking and influence that Soldier on the way things should work. Be a coach and mentor to that young Soldier. Share your experiences with them. Even the negative ones to show that they may not be alone in how they may be feeling. Explain how you got out of your own negative thinking or uncertainty. If they still have trouble then mentor them on their possible career choices.

Lead by personal example. Live the Army Values. Live the creeds of then Soldier and NCO and Drill Sergeant. Take care of them and their Families. Taking care of them also means staying proficient technically and tactically but not just in your MOS but in basic Soldier Skills, this is for your benefit and theirs since you're also their teach, coach and mentor. Be a role model to them. I take the what Jesus taught his disciple and made it my principle when it comes to treating people with respect. He said: if some one slaps you in the face give him the other one". To me that means that even if your subordinates, peers and superiors disrespect you you still show them the respect they deserve and I take that along with treat others as you would like to be treated. It takes patience but in the long run it's rewarding. I just released that I recited the Creed of the NCO. Important is also the the initial counseling and follow thru, event orientated counseling and monthly counseling. Hold them accountable to the Army standards. The moment that you don't make an correction a new standard has been made. I can go on but I'm ending it with this; leaders aren't tyrannical nor dictators. They serve their subordinates, peers and superiors alike. Leaders aren't just self inspiring but can inspire others to achieve greatness. This is a task WE leaders must master.

PVT (Join to see)
First find out why they joined. That's always the most important step in most types of mentoring situations.

Have had this conversation with soldiers many times.
Simply lay out the facts. Hey you raised your hand. You are in. Here is the reality. You will serve as you swore with honor or will be discharged with dishonor which will have a negative effect upon your whole life. Make the best of it. Work hard for me and I will work to get you situated for your transition. What ever you do give it 100%, you never know you may like it.
Ive give a similar speech and had several soldiers decide to stay after they began to engage in Army life and enjoy it.