What is the funniest thing you've seen as a Jumpmaster?

I was safety on a C-130 jump at Bragg. A SSG in our ground Troop sitting about middle of the chalk had filled a barf bag with Chicken a la King and stuffed it in his shirt prior to boarding. During the flight, he started making puking sounds and motions, pulled out the bag and pretended to puke into it. He wiped his mouth, reached into his pocket, pulled out a spoon and began eating the contents of the bag. Major chain reaction......had about 10+ real barf bags to pick up when we landed!

I was JMing a C-130 tailgate jump back around 1987. We had a brand new 2LT making his cherry jump after graduating jump school. He was wearing one of several white painted steel pot cherry helmets we had made up for such occasions back then, complete with a painted on bullseye target on the top, red cherries and slogan’s such as “steer away” and look out below.” He was just going by me when he slipped and fell on his ass. He was so determined to jump he simply but rapidly scooted the last six feet on his ass and off the end of the tailgate. He’s an O-6 now and reminds me of that story each time we run into one another – he’s rather proud of his cherry jump!

I was static safety on a CH-47 jump, tied into the bird on a monkey harness. I had a young fellow who may or may not have been a cherry, but he was scared out of his gourd. I went through the jump commands, checking him myself because he wasn't moving at all. I said, "Stand by!", and pointed where I wanted him. He didn't move.

I reached up and grabbed his arm and pulled him to where I wanted him. When I let go, he backed up. So I grabbed his arm again and held onto him while doing my final safety checks. When the Green came on, I slapped his leg and yelled, "Go!" He stood there.

So I grabbed his arm with both hands and threw him headfirst out the back. The last I saw on him he was windmilling his arms so fast, I thought he was trying to fly like a bird.

Started out my military career as a 12B with the 307th Engineers in the 82nd. Sometimes we would have to jump with the infantry guys and we hated it. Those guys would start swaying back and forth and could get the C-130s rocking back and forth. Eventually the aircraft commander would call back to the loadmaster and tell him to tell the guys to "knock that shit off". I can laugh about it now but it scared the crap out of me then.

I was JM on a ramp jump on a C130 not long ago. We were doing GMRS on a tiny DZ, and wings were always a major factor because of how narrow the DZ is, so I wanted to do a streamer toss. I had not done a streamer throw off the ramp of a C130 before. As I speed the jump, I said up and tossed the streamers off the back, where the updraft promptly blew them into the tail and turned them into confetti. The DZSO asked if I was dumping garbage first. The jumpers all looked at me nervously, although the jumpmaster on board laughed. I learned to throw them down of the side of the ramp after that.

I was jumping a Huey for fun, at Dugway, Utah. My best friend was JM that day. The DZ was adjacent to main post.
When I started to scoot to push off to the skid, the butt of my harness hung on something protruding from the floor. I tried to back up and get off of it. Bob thought I was trying to get back on the aircraft and was pushing me.
When I finally came loose, we were over main post. I landed near the MP building.
No one bitched. We all had beers, and no one got in trouble.
Those were the days.

I was an AJ during Operation Royal Dragon at Fort Bragg in 1996, I had a chalk of British Paratrooper on my door. Their rucks are a lot different than our ALICE so the Harness, Single Point Release didn't fit well.. Just before I turned to give him the tap out, my #1 jumpers ruck landed on the floor in front of us! The green light came on and we look at each other and both of us kicked his ruck out the door and he went right behind it!!

I was in the Texas National Guard's 36th Airborne Brigade in 1978 and I was making my 8th jump. (Not a jumpmaster yet, so this may not count.) We had a general visiting us. Some muckety muck from somewhere far above my then E-4 paygrade. Anyway someone convinced him to ride along with us on a CH-47 jump, and see how it's done.

The general was seated right up against the cockpit at the front of the bird. The very second the wheels lifted off the ground, everyone on the bird stood up and started jumping up and down in the bay. The poor jumpmaster at the rear was going through the commands with no one paying any attention. The pilots kept looking back down the aisle at us jumping and screaming in the back. Two big SSGs, who probably could have played football on a pro team, went to the general and started pulling on his arms to get him to stand up. They were yelling, "Come on sir! You can hang onto us. We'll get you down OK.

We were on an elevator, so when we straightened out for the drop run, the SSGs released the general, we all hooked up, lined up, and when the green light came on we ran out the bird in about 10 seconds.

Needless to say, the general got back in his staff car and left as soon as possible. God I loved the Texas National Guard!

This doesn't really qualify, because it was my second jump in jump school, and (of course) I wasn't a Jumpmaster then, nor was it funny at the time. (And in case you don't know/remember, it's the second jump that is the worst one. The first one, muscle memory took over and I was out of the plane without any idea how I got there. By the second jump, I KNEW what was going to happen, and I was scared.)

Anyway, the guy in front of me took his door position with his hands on the inside of the aircraft (a C-130). The blackhat yelled, "Put your hands on the outside of the door!" The guy said, "They are on the outside!" So the blackhat slaps him on the leg, and the guy starts to do the airborne shuffle in REVERSE. The blackhat pulls his leg back to kick him, and the guy saw that and jumped. Meanwhile nothing has gone like it was suppose to, and my brain was locked up like a Yugo that lost it's oil pan 20 miles back.

The blackhat yells, "Stand in the door!", to me, and I waddle forward. I don't hand him my static line (my brain is seized up) but he takes it from me and slaps me on the leg. I fall headfirst out the door and wind up with twists all the way to my neck. I got untangled just in time to do a lousy PLF.

I was the JM on a chinook jump which meant I exited first. I took a strp off the ramp but it wasn't a very good one. I promptly found myself sitting on the ramp at a high rate of speed which caused the pilot to ask the safety what the hell just happened. I simply leaned forward and fell out the aircraft... it was just one of those days.