Posted on Oct 22, 2017
What is the most appropriate way to inform a military spouse that their husband/wife is being chaptered?
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The Soldier has now failed 5 consecutive APFTs over several months. He is being chaptered and is likely within a few months of being out of the military if everything goes smooth. His current ETS is over a year out and he and his wife just leased a new house last month. He hasn't told her yet that anything is wrong or that he may be out of a job soon.
In the best interest of the spouse, I want to make sure that she is aware that the Soldier will likely be out of the Army very shortly (no need to tell her why) so that they can make better plans for post military life.
In the best interest of the spouse, I want to make sure that she is aware that the Soldier will likely be out of the Army very shortly (no need to tell her why) so that they can make better plans for post military life.
APFT
Dependents
Spouses
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 14
Not your place, not your job...
Your Task is to keep the SM informed and educated, to advise when needed and to enforce policy and regulations.
You are not tasked, nor trained as a marriage counselor.
You have ZERO authority to speak to the spouse, and I would caution you in doing so. If you insist , get your 1SG and company commanders approve IN WRITING and I would suggest you go see JAG and ask their legal opinion.
Your desire to assist the family unit as a whole is admirable but ask any local cop or MP what happens when a third party gets in to a domestic issue and most will tell you one or both spouses turn against the assisting third party....even when its clear one or both spouses need the assistance.
Your job is the Soldier, but you have no authority over what he does or does not tell his wife.
So inform, provide incentive, perhaps even some negative reinforcement ..
But understand if you don't do this above board (I'll just wait till he is on CQ and his wife brings him dinner and then ask him what he is doing after he leaves the Army next month) and a domestic dispute or injury happens ... you are on the hook
Your Task is to keep the SM informed and educated, to advise when needed and to enforce policy and regulations.
You are not tasked, nor trained as a marriage counselor.
You have ZERO authority to speak to the spouse, and I would caution you in doing so. If you insist , get your 1SG and company commanders approve IN WRITING and I would suggest you go see JAG and ask their legal opinion.
Your desire to assist the family unit as a whole is admirable but ask any local cop or MP what happens when a third party gets in to a domestic issue and most will tell you one or both spouses turn against the assisting third party....even when its clear one or both spouses need the assistance.
Your job is the Soldier, but you have no authority over what he does or does not tell his wife.
So inform, provide incentive, perhaps even some negative reinforcement ..
But understand if you don't do this above board (I'll just wait till he is on CQ and his wife brings him dinner and then ask him what he is doing after he leaves the Army next month) and a domestic dispute or injury happens ... you are on the hook
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Thanks for the input everyone. I was pretty certain it was outside military authority limits and wanted to make sure that was accurate.
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Not much else to say, I agree with those that have commented...NOT your place to say anything. It is the spouse's duty to keep their family informed of any changes. If that soldier hasn't said anything by now, that just shows what kind of marriage they have...they might be in trouble, failing an APFT is the least of their troubles.
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Informing the spouse is the Soldier's task, not yours.
Counsel him to do so, but if he doesn't, he will be the one dealing with consequences.
As an aside, "failed five consecutive APFTs"? How is this only just now becoming a chapter?
Counsel him to do so, but if he doesn't, he will be the one dealing with consequences.
As an aside, "failed five consecutive APFTs"? How is this only just now becoming a chapter?
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I believe it is the soldiers place to tell his wife, at his own time and place. Just my 2 centes.
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The longer he waits and the more lies he tells the harder it will be. He should own up to it now because aside from being chaptered out it could destroy his marriage.
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You have to be honest. You think you have a problem now, if you do not tell her and she finds out on her own. Then yes, you will have a BIG problem. good luck
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