What is the oddest, dumbest, or stupidest thing you heard an officer or senior enlisted say?

Back in the mid-1980s, we had a female Lt who managed to lock her keys in her car at a kaserne in Stuttgart GE. She was frantic as she had to get to a meeting, so she grabbed a nearby SSgt and asked for help unlocking her car. She said, "SSgt ____, please get my keys out of my car. I can't be late for my meeting. I don't care how you do it!" The SSgt walked over to his toolbox and grabbed a hammer. He went straight to her car and smashed the driver's side window. He reached in, extracted the keys and handed them to her. The Lt went nuts on him. She tried to have him brought up on charges; however, there were many witnesses, including me, that heard her say "I don't care how you do it." He walked.

Coming back through the wire & being challenged by the Marine on watch, one of my team-members who shall remain nameless replied, "Communist infiltrators". You could not only hear a pin drop, but also the safeties coming off... Then the muffled laughter. Ahhh, good times!

Gunny calling our roll call. Drayton. Drayton! Drayton!! GD where are you Drayton? (Lowers voice) oh damn, thats me.