Posted on Jul 22, 2021
What should you do if your spouse hates the military lifestyle?
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Now, my wife supports me and all my crazy choices out there. But I got to thinking what do you do? Would love to here your thoughts.
Posted in these groups: 
Spouse
Military Family
Spouse Military Family
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 22
Wife of 29 years now..so with me almost my whole career.
We were both serving when we met and married
In the end, she was understanding but never happy with my long absences from home, training, advanced deployments, deployments, schooling, and more. She was ready for me to not be gone some much, and then I was told even though I was in an Authorized slot as the G3 SGM, desired to be retained in that slot by senior leadership, and it was a good fit for me experience-wise....Yet HRC insisted I had to PCS and the options for a good assignment were on the east coast.
My wife hated the idea of moving again, actually, I think that is understating it ... pretty sure she said "Go if you want but I'm not moving again, this is our home"
We had some tough but real conversations and decided it was time to drop my papers.
While I miss some of what I had, Im happy with the decision overall.
We were both serving when we met and married
In the end, she was understanding but never happy with my long absences from home, training, advanced deployments, deployments, schooling, and more. She was ready for me to not be gone some much, and then I was told even though I was in an Authorized slot as the G3 SGM, desired to be retained in that slot by senior leadership, and it was a good fit for me experience-wise....Yet HRC insisted I had to PCS and the options for a good assignment were on the east coast.
My wife hated the idea of moving again, actually, I think that is understating it ... pretty sure she said "Go if you want but I'm not moving again, this is our home"
We had some tough but real conversations and decided it was time to drop my papers.
While I miss some of what I had, Im happy with the decision overall.
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This is highly personal as we all know. For me it would have depended on where in my career we were, and how long I had been married, with or without children. Faced with an ultimatum I would have leaned toward getting out. I love my wife with all that I have. With kids it would have been automatic, no question and out. Having said this it would definitely have been a very long conversation/series of conversations and very deep soul searching.
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Had a sailor who worked for me with this problem. We found out his wife was lonely and was tired of never having any friends. We got her involved in the family support group and things got better. Not much you can do if the wife doesn't like you being away training and deploying. But, getting involved in the various support groups can really help and have them feel they are part of the mission.
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CPT Lawrence Cable
My wife got involved with the Officers Wives Club at Benning when I was at IOBC, she loved it and made lots of friends there. Made all the difference IMO. Also gave her someone to go to if she needed help while I was in the field.
War story for you. My youngest son was less than 6 months old when I hit Benning for IOBC. He was ill, it got worse while I was at school, so she took him to the base hospital. Well, Army Doctors at Tradoc bases are used to outranking their patients, so sometimes their bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired, they weren't telling Jean what was going on. She calls the Training Battalion, the E-8 that answered said he didn't know where I was at since we were in the field, which wasn't true, we where in the classrooms. Since they weren't helping, she called one of the contacts she had made in the Wives Club, the Base Commanders wife! Shortly after that conversation, I had the Battalion Commander personally pick me up and take me to the hospital, where the doctor was waiting to show me what they had done and assure me that the best care was being given my son.
Looking back on it, I would have loved to have heard the conversation between the General and his wife. I really think they were taking good care of my son, no one would just take the time to explain it to a worried mother. OTOH, the Battalion Commander was ordering me not to kick the ass of a useless E-8. All it would have took was picking up the class schedule and sending some private down to get me.
War story for you. My youngest son was less than 6 months old when I hit Benning for IOBC. He was ill, it got worse while I was at school, so she took him to the base hospital. Well, Army Doctors at Tradoc bases are used to outranking their patients, so sometimes their bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired, they weren't telling Jean what was going on. She calls the Training Battalion, the E-8 that answered said he didn't know where I was at since we were in the field, which wasn't true, we where in the classrooms. Since they weren't helping, she called one of the contacts she had made in the Wives Club, the Base Commanders wife! Shortly after that conversation, I had the Battalion Commander personally pick me up and take me to the hospital, where the doctor was waiting to show me what they had done and assure me that the best care was being given my son.
Looking back on it, I would have loved to have heard the conversation between the General and his wife. I really think they were taking good care of my son, no one would just take the time to explain it to a worried mother. OTOH, the Battalion Commander was ordering me not to kick the ass of a useless E-8. All it would have took was picking up the class schedule and sending some private down to get me.
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