Posted on Jul 10, 2019
Where can my husband be seen for a possible video game addiction?
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My husband literally goes to work and then comes home and video games all day everyday afterwards. Every time I mention spending time with our son or myself he makes it seem like a burden. We will be seeing a marital counselor after his field at the end of the month for other issues. We’ve been together 5 years,lil over 3 years ago he joined the military and 2 years ago we got married. He’s changed a lot like your suppose to but he seems more distant and non social/responsible. I really don’t want to say anything to his leadership cause I don’t want to get him in any trouble but I’m not sure if Im suppose to cause they could help with resources or what. I stay at home caring for our 1 year old son so I haven’t said anything to him because he does support us but $200 a month on video gaming is more than the $100 I’m putting into our savings,that doesn’t leave me or my son any extra money either for random misc spending that everyone has. I’m at a rift here on what I should do and my resources. I appreciate any advice.
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Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 9
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Calling his gaming habit an addiction might be a bit overboard at this point. An addiction is when someone can’t stop doing something despite the negative effects it has on their life. Your husband is still going to work and functioning. Most folks that are addicted to gaming don’t work, eat, bathe or sleep regularly. What you describe is not a gaming addiction even though his playing seems to have a negative effect on his home life.
But you are on the right path. Seeing a marriage counselor is the best way to start the process to determine if his habit is an addiction and needs to be treated. Many military folks (both men abs women) use gaming as a stress reliever. According to you, his gaming habit is having a negative impact on your marriage and counseling is the right way to address it at this point.
Hopefully the counselor can show him that his habit is negatively impacting his life and needs to be curtailed.
I wish you luck.
But you are on the right path. Seeing a marriage counselor is the best way to start the process to determine if his habit is an addiction and needs to be treated. Many military folks (both men abs women) use gaming as a stress reliever. According to you, his gaming habit is having a negative impact on your marriage and counseling is the right way to address it at this point.
Hopefully the counselor can show him that his habit is negatively impacting his life and needs to be curtailed.
I wish you luck.
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Caitlin Williams
He takes a shower once every two weeks if someone gets on him ,eats ramen most of the time,doesn’t even brush his teeth unless he has a dental appt,he does sleep but it’s like 5-6 hours a night. But he’s always been like that. He’s always been kinda distant from me but he’s hardly interacting with our son like he’s suppose to and that’s what bothers me. He is the one who has experience with kids and wanted kids yet seems to not want to partake in being a parent. He says he just wants to come home and relax because he’s so tired after work. Idk how he gets by each day like he does without having more issues to be honest but like you said it’s not affecting his work.
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SMSgt Thor Merich
Caitlin Williams - Hopefully the counseling will help. It’s a shame that he is dropping the ball when it comes to his son. But it also sounds like he may have more issues than just his gaming habit.
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First and foremost, you need to find out WHY he games so much.
Is he trying to cope with something?
Is he part of a large community of Gamers?
Does he STREAM the game, and thus get money for it?
Does he test games for companies?
Find out WHY he games as much as he does. Then go on to step 2 of trying to work around the gaming which is causing family issues.
I game every single day all day. I do not get payed for it.
I was once a member of a gaming clan, but voluntarily left.
The reason I game is not because I am addicted, though how I game does fit the addiction definition. I game because I have mental health issues from military service which have never been addressed, even though I have tried like hell to get help. Being online in games, and talking to other Gamers and streamers helps me cope with my mental problems where the system refuses to help me at all. Gaming is my only positive way to stay safe, sane, and not go postal as they say.
I would rather have a gaming addiction than drink, do drugs, or go on shooting sprees harming others.
My specific example above is only an example which applies to me. Please do NOT apply it to your husband. However, DO find out why he games so much. If you can't get through to him, have me talk to him. He is a brother in arms and I have a duty as a brother in arms to talk to him.
Is he trying to cope with something?
Is he part of a large community of Gamers?
Does he STREAM the game, and thus get money for it?
Does he test games for companies?
Find out WHY he games as much as he does. Then go on to step 2 of trying to work around the gaming which is causing family issues.
I game every single day all day. I do not get payed for it.
I was once a member of a gaming clan, but voluntarily left.
The reason I game is not because I am addicted, though how I game does fit the addiction definition. I game because I have mental health issues from military service which have never been addressed, even though I have tried like hell to get help. Being online in games, and talking to other Gamers and streamers helps me cope with my mental problems where the system refuses to help me at all. Gaming is my only positive way to stay safe, sane, and not go postal as they say.
I would rather have a gaming addiction than drink, do drugs, or go on shooting sprees harming others.
My specific example above is only an example which applies to me. Please do NOT apply it to your husband. However, DO find out why he games so much. If you can't get through to him, have me talk to him. He is a brother in arms and I have a duty as a brother in arms to talk to him.
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Caitlin Williams
He has agreed to go to individual and marital counseling to work on his issues. We tried this before and he didn’t really put it as a priority after he came back from his last field. I’m hoping he takes it more serious this time around. I understand everyone has a outlet but he gets very angry when he’s interrupted by me or our son to where he smacked our sons hand a lil too hard for touching his xbox to where his dad ripped into him about it just being a game and our son doesn’t understand quite yet.
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Contact your local base Military & Family Life Counseling office (MFLC). They specialize in family counseling and can provide multiple free counseling sessions for you and your husband in a way that meets your needs. They will meet you at a place and time of your choosing privately or together and best of all it is all kept confidential so long as nobody is in danger. Which in your situation does not sound like that's the case at all. I wish you and your husband the best and hope that helps.
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PV2 Duane Schlender
From what Caitlin Williams is describing, her husband may need to be ordered by command to go to the counseling. And then may feel "pushed" and push back. I see a few things in what Caitlin Williams has described which remind me of myself. Prefer not to see a brother in arms shoot himself in the foot (proverbially speaking)...
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