While on the firing line at the range, what is the most off the wall excuse a Private has made up because they can't shoot?

not just privates screwing up at the range. at my last unit we had officers that routinely had negligent discharges, one of whom almost blew a SFC's head off.

I feel faint. From a male recruit.

The fire distracted me.... Really there was a fire.... A few times ( night fire with tracers) luckily we are an ammo unit and had firefighters at the range who had their buddies there with the trucks quickly.... Needless to say shortly after that the post commander would not approve any ranges with night fire....

Pistol Range: targets pop up & a gopher scurries across the back berm. Not one target falls. The entire berm is lit up. Trying to turn hunters into grunts, I guess.

The sweat is in my eyes.

I have sympathy for those who have trouble with marksmanship some of us it just takes longer. I almost has to repeat basic and then by some miracle I nail 40 our of 40 on my last chance. I do not know what happened, I think I was just so frustrated I stopped thinking and started shooting. After that I never had a problem and shooting became one of my ways to relax.

Had a 1SG asking for extra rounds at a qualification range. Then the ate up S.O.B. had the nuts to wear expert......

at bragg in '83, the post opened up a range that had been down for about 20 years - at qual when the tower was popping up the targets to show us where they were, i was missing 2 of them, i asked the safety and he told me they were behind some trees that had grown up while the range was down, one of my best qual fires because of all of my alibis

My favorite one is when the shooter blames the rifle. I always got, "My rifles f***ed up!" I usually got the biggest complaints about a defective weapon on the 500 yard line. To that I would respond, "Let me see your weapon." I would then proceed to grab the rifle and nail the target from the 500 yard line, most of the time center mass, from the standing. I would make sure to tell them that the weapon was fine. The funniest thing was it was Sgt's and above making those complaints. That's what I loved about the junior Marines, they would listen to the tips and instructions.

It was -4 on the range in Ft Lewis and I was FREEZING!
And I have the Marksman badge to prove it!