Posted on May 3, 2021
My Story of Hope: I am a Suicide Survivor and Mental Health Warrior | Part 1
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Take a moment of silence for yourself right now. Block out the rest of the world and really focus on the silence. It is not very often that an article begins with a request for silence. It is uncomfortable. It is forced and sometimes the silence is ironically deafening. We often don’t know what to do with silence because we are forced to be alone with ourselves and thoughts which can be daunting.
September 11, 2001, silenced America. There have been very few times in history that the nation felt so defeated that it stopped, even for just a moment. But on that September morning, for a moment, as one nation we all stood still watching the tragic events unfold before us in disbelief. Then came September 12th, and then the 13th. Weeks and months kept rolling by and like always; time went on. The memory of the attacks slowly faded into history but never faded in our memories. But for some Americans, like me, that day lives on forever inside.
I was at the Pentagon that day when the senseless attack changed the course of history forever. I was a soldier and saw first-hand the destruction it caused; both in front of us as a nation and behind the scenes. 9-11 changed my life. It sent me on a path of self-destruction and depression. I lost all of my hope. Post-traumatic stress silenced me.
How could this be I wondered. I am a United States soldier, an Officer! I can’t feel this way. I am strong. I can overcome anything. Any obstacle that had been thrown my way before 9-11 I was able to burst through and come out on the other side.
I was wrong. My PTSD was stronger than me. And it beat me. In December 2002, I laid on a couch dying by my own hand. Then I woke up in the hospital...
If you or someone you know is struggling, please get help now. Tell a loved one. Tell a friend. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: [login to see] . If you prefer to talk online, visit the veteran crisis line here: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help/military-crisis-line
September 11, 2001, silenced America. There have been very few times in history that the nation felt so defeated that it stopped, even for just a moment. But on that September morning, for a moment, as one nation we all stood still watching the tragic events unfold before us in disbelief. Then came September 12th, and then the 13th. Weeks and months kept rolling by and like always; time went on. The memory of the attacks slowly faded into history but never faded in our memories. But for some Americans, like me, that day lives on forever inside.
I was at the Pentagon that day when the senseless attack changed the course of history forever. I was a soldier and saw first-hand the destruction it caused; both in front of us as a nation and behind the scenes. 9-11 changed my life. It sent me on a path of self-destruction and depression. I lost all of my hope. Post-traumatic stress silenced me.
How could this be I wondered. I am a United States soldier, an Officer! I can’t feel this way. I am strong. I can overcome anything. Any obstacle that had been thrown my way before 9-11 I was able to burst through and come out on the other side.
I was wrong. My PTSD was stronger than me. And it beat me. In December 2002, I laid on a couch dying by my own hand. Then I woke up in the hospital...
If you or someone you know is struggling, please get help now. Tell a loved one. Tell a friend. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: [login to see] . If you prefer to talk online, visit the veteran crisis line here: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/get-help/military-crisis-line
PTSD
Mental Health
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Veterans Affairs (VA)
Stories of Hope
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 13
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CW4 Clifford Bauman Thank you for sharing your story of hope. "I laid on a couch dying by my own hand," is a courageous statement to make, especially while still on active duty. I hope your story helps others share their challenges before they find themselves too overwhelmed to get the help they need, especially when that help is so readily available.
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CW4 Clifford Bauman
The hardest thing to do for me was to ask for help, but I soon realized it was something I should of done. If you read this blog and are stressed about things call a someone you are not alone and others want to help you.
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Thank you for sharing your story. And I, for one, am glad you lived to do so. If you need help reach out!
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CW4 Clifford Bauman
That is the most important so simple ask for help but so hard. I tell my story so others know it is ok to ask for help.
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