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We all have at least one. Someone we knew, maybe with whom we were close, maybe not. And the truth is, we have all had those same thoughts, those same feelings, one time or another. It might not have been the crisis that put us at death’s door, but if we look closely at ourselves, we knew we were in the neighborhood.
Every person who serves knows they are part of a unit, a single entity that collectively succeeds in the mission or fails. And on this, we all know we have failed.
How?
There are lots of reasons. It’s too complex for us to point to any one cause. But we know that there was not one choice, but dozens that led our brothers and sisters to seek relief on the other side. And we say, “if only they could have talked to someone…” But what would someone say?
I have some ideas.
Leaving the military is traumatic.
Trauma: emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.
Note that every veteran describes transition as extremely stressful and emotional, and some may lead to long-term neurosis. That isn’t a given, but it’s definitely not definitively a possibility.
We should be preparing ourselves and our service-siblings for the event, and make the conversation regular. We cannot start at the point of crisis. The first time we talk about mental health cannot be when we talk about suicide. That’s like trying to teach defensive driving on the highway at the point of 70mph impact. We have to start sooner, when we are in service, and we have to talk about very specific things, so we don’t continue to think of mental health of as something that says we are broken. Here are 5 talking points that we need to hammer home, every day, with every one of those with whom we have the great honor and privilege to serve:
1.) The stress of transition is normal. It’s a symptom of your brain reacclimating to a new set of circumstances. The brain literally changes itself to make decisions more efficient according to the assumptions it sees in the world around it. When everything changes, it takes time for the brain to get out of those patterns and habits. It takes time and effort.
2.) At first, the simplest things make the biggest difference. Quit drinking. Get as much sleep as possible. Eat healthily. Exercise. Hydrate. Journal. Go see a therapist to help you through this phase. Any one of those might improve your mood by 15-20%. Combined, I guarantee they will change your outlook on life for the better, and probably for the long run. And don’t be afraid to emphasize these things to everyone you talk to.
3.) Professional help is the best help. Once you’ve “stopped the bleeding” and are practicing the things you know are good for you, you can work through the harder stuff much, much easier. It’s just a question of getting your brain and mind to work for you, and not against you.
4.) You’ll do it over and over. Just when you think that you’ve figured it out in one domain in your life, you’ll find that you still have work to do in others. Keep working on it. The only time we should stop growing and changing is in death, and that should be much, much further down the road.
5.) The only way out is through, but you don’t have to walk this dark path alone. We all can and should continually shine the light and shoulder some of the burden for each other.
We know that we need to talk to each other. We may need some help knowing what to say. But the conversations need to start earlier. And it is our duty, our honor, and our privilege to share every bit of it with each other. For only together will we come out alive.
Eric Burleson is an Army veteran and author of Separating From Service, the Mental Health Handbook for Transitioning Veterans. The book provides veterans and the organizations that serve them a tool to navigate the stress of transition and is available through Amazon or at https://rly.pt/SFS
You can contact Eric at [login to see] . He lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and three children.
Every person who serves knows they are part of a unit, a single entity that collectively succeeds in the mission or fails. And on this, we all know we have failed.
How?
There are lots of reasons. It’s too complex for us to point to any one cause. But we know that there was not one choice, but dozens that led our brothers and sisters to seek relief on the other side. And we say, “if only they could have talked to someone…” But what would someone say?
I have some ideas.
Leaving the military is traumatic.
Trauma: emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.
Note that every veteran describes transition as extremely stressful and emotional, and some may lead to long-term neurosis. That isn’t a given, but it’s definitely not definitively a possibility.
We should be preparing ourselves and our service-siblings for the event, and make the conversation regular. We cannot start at the point of crisis. The first time we talk about mental health cannot be when we talk about suicide. That’s like trying to teach defensive driving on the highway at the point of 70mph impact. We have to start sooner, when we are in service, and we have to talk about very specific things, so we don’t continue to think of mental health of as something that says we are broken. Here are 5 talking points that we need to hammer home, every day, with every one of those with whom we have the great honor and privilege to serve:
1.) The stress of transition is normal. It’s a symptom of your brain reacclimating to a new set of circumstances. The brain literally changes itself to make decisions more efficient according to the assumptions it sees in the world around it. When everything changes, it takes time for the brain to get out of those patterns and habits. It takes time and effort.
2.) At first, the simplest things make the biggest difference. Quit drinking. Get as much sleep as possible. Eat healthily. Exercise. Hydrate. Journal. Go see a therapist to help you through this phase. Any one of those might improve your mood by 15-20%. Combined, I guarantee they will change your outlook on life for the better, and probably for the long run. And don’t be afraid to emphasize these things to everyone you talk to.
3.) Professional help is the best help. Once you’ve “stopped the bleeding” and are practicing the things you know are good for you, you can work through the harder stuff much, much easier. It’s just a question of getting your brain and mind to work for you, and not against you.
4.) You’ll do it over and over. Just when you think that you’ve figured it out in one domain in your life, you’ll find that you still have work to do in others. Keep working on it. The only time we should stop growing and changing is in death, and that should be much, much further down the road.
5.) The only way out is through, but you don’t have to walk this dark path alone. We all can and should continually shine the light and shoulder some of the burden for each other.
We know that we need to talk to each other. We may need some help knowing what to say. But the conversations need to start earlier. And it is our duty, our honor, and our privilege to share every bit of it with each other. For only together will we come out alive.
Eric Burleson is an Army veteran and author of Separating From Service, the Mental Health Handbook for Transitioning Veterans. The book provides veterans and the organizations that serve them a tool to navigate the stress of transition and is available through Amazon or at https://rly.pt/SFS
You can contact Eric at [login to see] . He lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and three children.
Transition
Trauma
Stress
Mental Health
Military Family
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 21
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All good points. We need to make it part of our day to day conversations
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I suppose the lucky ones regard the transition as merely another hill to climb and pity the civilians who will have to compete with them. A shame that attitude can't be transferred to all.
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Cpl Jeff N.
Bingo. It took me a little while before I realized I could not only compete with my civilian counterparts, I could outperform, out hustle and out lead them. The skills I picked up in the Marine Corps did transfer in many ways. We actually have built in advantages over our civilian counterparts if we would simply stop thinking about ourselves as victims or as being traumatized and lean on the skills we have we would be in much better shape.
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SGT Todd Miller
I couldn't agree more. I have built and amazing career and life that started with a solid foundation in the Army. I came from a very poor background and have achieved everything that I ever wanted in life. Now I'm like what am I going to do next? That's a good problem to have.
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You shouldn't try to speak for all/everyone. I have no idea why you think transitioning from the armed forces is some sort of monumental task.
Separating from the service is not traumatic. It is a simple life decision. It is no more complex than any other person deciding to change jobs or perhaps career paths. Some of you in the "transition marketplace" are over complicating this likely to sell books or other material. You don't need professional/therapists etc. help to leave the armed forces. It is not that big of a deal. I think too many of you over complicate a simple process.
This is not a "dark path". It is, for most, a decision they willingly make to leave the service just like they made a decision to join originally.
I left the service almost 35 years ago. There were no transition classes, no assistance. You checked out of your unit, perhaps a firm handshake from your CO/Sgt Maj and you were off to your new life. It was actually liberating. You were in full control of yourself again. Responsible for any good or bad that happens. You had to get yourself going every day, make your own way, figure things out, lean on your training and experience to make things happen. The reality is you should be better equipped than your civilian counterparts.
You have painted a dark, scary picture of something that is simple, straight forward and frankly your own decision (most of the time).
Separating from the service is not traumatic. It is a simple life decision. It is no more complex than any other person deciding to change jobs or perhaps career paths. Some of you in the "transition marketplace" are over complicating this likely to sell books or other material. You don't need professional/therapists etc. help to leave the armed forces. It is not that big of a deal. I think too many of you over complicate a simple process.
This is not a "dark path". It is, for most, a decision they willingly make to leave the service just like they made a decision to join originally.
I left the service almost 35 years ago. There were no transition classes, no assistance. You checked out of your unit, perhaps a firm handshake from your CO/Sgt Maj and you were off to your new life. It was actually liberating. You were in full control of yourself again. Responsible for any good or bad that happens. You had to get yourself going every day, make your own way, figure things out, lean on your training and experience to make things happen. The reality is you should be better equipped than your civilian counterparts.
You have painted a dark, scary picture of something that is simple, straight forward and frankly your own decision (most of the time).
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Cpl Jeff N.
Cpl Mark A. Morris - My nickname (for some friends) has been Gunny over the years. My wife, well, she just shakes her head a lot. But no, CPL was it.
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Cpl Jeff N.
1SG John Furr - I cannot tell you how many people I meet that I am almost 100% sure what they are telling me about their service is at least a little exaggerated. I met a guy in working in a furniture store who was in the Navy. I asked him what he did. He said he worked in "special forces intelligence". I said "wow, I didn't realize the Navy had an MOS of that sort.
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Suspended Profile
Maybe if we stop responding to soldiers’ problems with discussions that devolve into “look how tough I used to be” d*ck waving contests they’d trust us to lead them to solutions.
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Great article. I’ve had the suicide attempt after going through lengthy divorce.!
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Many of my classmates, as well as me, were designated to go to Vietnam. All of us came back, but many carried the scars. Those scars were not only physical endured by combat. I have lost far too many because of Vietnam. I am one of the fortunate ones who had a few of the physical, as well as the psychological scars. If you want to see the scars, visit your local VA Medical Centers to see what has happened to the veterans coming back from all the wars from WWII through those being fought today.
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