Mental Health Month: How I Healed and Grew After PTSD and Retirement

After I retired from the Army in 2020, I was dealing with a perfect storm of challenges - the life-changing shift of retirement combined with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and uncertainty about my next step. Although I knew I was mentally unwell, I continued to be my own biggest obstacle; I stopped working out regularly and turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. The daily turmoil that I was experiencing, coupled with my designation as a 100% VA-disabled veteran, made me feel hopeless.

Thirty years in the military left me with an abrasive mentality, for myself and others. In my long career in the Army and the positions of leadership that came with it, it was common to think you walked on water with people praising you all the time. I was so accustomed to rapid decision making, quickly moving from one issue to the next. This worked great when fighting an adversary or dealing with critical decisions, but it was crippling in my civilian life and in my personal relationships.

After getting to a point where I knew something had to change, I found myself scouring the internet in the evenings, searching for a path to something meaningful. One evening, I came across Travis Manion Foundation (TMF) and the Spartan Leadership Program (SLP), a 7-month leadership and personal development program for veterans and families of the fallen. I immediately applied and crossed my fingers that I would be accepted. Thankfully, I was.

SLP was the first real step in reclaiming myself from PTSD and a pattern of unhealthy behaviors. Up until then, I was in a bad place and didn't feel I had the resources or ability to get out of the dark hole I was in. I lacked purpose and I was searching for something to fill that void.

That “something” was community. The peer support from other veterans and family members of the fallen helped lift me up from one of my lowest points. I listened to so many stories of loss, perseverance, dedication, and resilience that it helped me get out of my own way and learn that only my mind was telling me I was useless. Connecting with like-minded people, and learning from them, reminded me how much I still have to give to our nation and our communities, even after retirement.

The inner work and path that I started during the program truly helped me move forward. I had to dig in, get comfortable in examining the weak points in my character in order to improve them. Taking a deep, unbiased assessment of myself, I was able to step back and evaluate where I needed compassion for both myself and for others.

The community and peer support I found in TMF helped me understand the value of taking time to slow down, and the importance of journaling, meditating, and mindfulness. All of these have been critical in my journey of healing and improving my mental health. It also led to gratitude, an area of my life that I desperately wanted to improve. Being grateful for the smallest things, focusing on what I do have, instead of what has gone wrong, has helped to improve my quality of life.

“If Not Me, Then Who…” - the ethos of the TMF community - is written on a bracelet I wear as a daily reminder of what I can and should do for myself and for my community. I’ve learned that you have to focus on the individual in order to be able to give back to the team. I’ve participated in many groups, but until TMF, none made me learn the good, the bad and the ugly of myself first so I could grow toward being the best version of me to others. If you are looking for a path, a purpose, and a community, I encourage you to start here: https://rly.pt/INMTW

Find out how to apply for VA health care benefits as a Veteran or service member: https://rly.pt/VHAEnroll1