Posted on Jun 21, 2023
My Battle with PTSD: How Community and Service Changed My Life
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When I left the Marine Corps in 2008, I suddenly lacked the clear purpose I had while on active duty. I didn’t have a task or a mission, and the unwelcoming job market didn’t help. Like many veterans, I didn’t recognize that many of the feelings and symptoms I was experiencing weren’t normal. I drank a lot, but I didn’t attribute my drinking to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). At the time it was more a lifestyle and a tool to numb my nightmares, anxiety, and depression.
For years after leaving active duty, my symptoms continued to build. At some points, my brain stopped processing coherent and rational thoughts and I would mentally check out (sometimes for weeks). In those periods, my alcohol use went uncontrolled. When I found myself constantly crying in private, and simultaneously needing two hands to count the holes I had repaired in the drywall after outbursts, I knew I was dealing with a larger issue. I realized my substance abuse was merely a coping mechanism I had put in place instead of facing my PTSD.
As we approach PTSD Awareness Day, I want to share some strategies that have been critical for my recovery and healing. Through professional help and the unfailing support of my wife, I’ve been able to identify my major stressors and create action plans to deal with them preemptively. I’ve developed new skills and methods for coming down from stress before I am triggered. Task lists and schedules help me focus on being low-stress and present with my family, work, and even have a social life.
Networking with veteran groups and establishing peer-to-peer support - finding community - is the resource that has helped me the most. When I first connected with Travis Manion Foundation (TMF) https://rly.pt/TMFptsd , I was still in the beginning of my journey addressing PTSD. I participated in an Expedition in 2021, traveling to Puerto Rico to rebuild homes for families in need alongside other veterans and families of the fallen. It was a game changer for me. I found that giving myself to service again like I did in the Marine Corps was incredibly rewarding; it helped shrink the darkness I felt inside.
Since then, I have participated in numerous service projects and trained to serve as a Mentor to youth with TMF. I’ve pushed myself physically with the TMF community, and have found a group of veterans and families of the fallen that truly understand what I am going through. Finding that connectedness has empowered me in so many ways.
Dealing with PTSD reminds me of getting through boot camp, in a way. Parris island felt so isolating at times, just like my PTSD. It was easy to feel alone and it was so hard to make it through. To succeed there, it took building relationships with your platoon. To my fellow veterans, there are two things you can start doing today to find a way off your own island - find new opportunities to serve and find a way to connect with people who encourage and empower you.
Finding your community and peer-to-peer support will help with not only the symptoms you know are tied to PTSD, but it will also help with other little things that don’t seem quite “right.” With TMF, I found peers that help me recognize when I am avoiding the work, peers who hold me accountable, people that give me a safe space to fail and try again. Healing isn’t linear, but you have to keep changing your environment until you’re off that island.
To learn more about my story, my battle with PTSD and how I found my way out, click here: https://rly.pt/tmfvideo
For years after leaving active duty, my symptoms continued to build. At some points, my brain stopped processing coherent and rational thoughts and I would mentally check out (sometimes for weeks). In those periods, my alcohol use went uncontrolled. When I found myself constantly crying in private, and simultaneously needing two hands to count the holes I had repaired in the drywall after outbursts, I knew I was dealing with a larger issue. I realized my substance abuse was merely a coping mechanism I had put in place instead of facing my PTSD.
As we approach PTSD Awareness Day, I want to share some strategies that have been critical for my recovery and healing. Through professional help and the unfailing support of my wife, I’ve been able to identify my major stressors and create action plans to deal with them preemptively. I’ve developed new skills and methods for coming down from stress before I am triggered. Task lists and schedules help me focus on being low-stress and present with my family, work, and even have a social life.
Networking with veteran groups and establishing peer-to-peer support - finding community - is the resource that has helped me the most. When I first connected with Travis Manion Foundation (TMF) https://rly.pt/TMFptsd , I was still in the beginning of my journey addressing PTSD. I participated in an Expedition in 2021, traveling to Puerto Rico to rebuild homes for families in need alongside other veterans and families of the fallen. It was a game changer for me. I found that giving myself to service again like I did in the Marine Corps was incredibly rewarding; it helped shrink the darkness I felt inside.
Since then, I have participated in numerous service projects and trained to serve as a Mentor to youth with TMF. I’ve pushed myself physically with the TMF community, and have found a group of veterans and families of the fallen that truly understand what I am going through. Finding that connectedness has empowered me in so many ways.
Dealing with PTSD reminds me of getting through boot camp, in a way. Parris island felt so isolating at times, just like my PTSD. It was easy to feel alone and it was so hard to make it through. To succeed there, it took building relationships with your platoon. To my fellow veterans, there are two things you can start doing today to find a way off your own island - find new opportunities to serve and find a way to connect with people who encourage and empower you.
Finding your community and peer-to-peer support will help with not only the symptoms you know are tied to PTSD, but it will also help with other little things that don’t seem quite “right.” With TMF, I found peers that help me recognize when I am avoiding the work, peers who hold me accountable, people that give me a safe space to fail and try again. Healing isn’t linear, but you have to keep changing your environment until you’re off that island.
To learn more about my story, my battle with PTSD and how I found my way out, click here: https://rly.pt/tmfvideo
Travis Manion Foundation
PTSD
Mental Health
Health
Community
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 11
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Finding community- a tribe to replace the family we lose when we depart the service is key to mental health for us former warriors. Glad you found yours!
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Cpl Chuck Segel i also found volunteering in my community helpful. Alcoholism runs in my family but the medications I take for my life threading illness don’t make drinking a choice, thank you for sharing your story and how it impacts others by giving back.
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Kim, alcoholism runs in my family too. I learned in LCDC training that alcoholism and other drug addictions are ALWAYS family disorders. These disorders are NEVER in a vacuum that involve only the addicts, including alcoholics. My dad severely beat us kids, both physically and also verbally. And what I found in treatment was that everyone of us in the PTSD groups that I was in, there was ALWAYS childhood abuses or other traumas. Those in my PTSD groups always had precursors of child abuse or other traumas. ALWAYS.
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May I print your story and use on our bulletin board at Wright State University's Veteran and Military Center?
Thanks
-Shannon Hansen
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Thanks
-Shannon Hansen
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I am very excited to see you have found a purpose Devil Dog, you must never forget you are such a valuable asset to our society and a model to younger recently discharged military members. I retired after 22 years active duty and battle daily with PTSD, I am fortunate to have never had a substance abuse issue but I did have anger issues. Thanks to a strong friend, lover and wife I addressed this beast with a VA psychologist. While I have a daily battle with our friend that just won't let go, I don't have the major anger issues. Seeking help from a counselor or psychiatrist is not a bad thing. Happy and safe 4th of July! I can't watch live fireworks, you probably can't either, to me seeing them on TV is better as we can turn the channel any time. Peace and thank you for your service, God bless you and your loved ones!
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Let me make a statement about the VA & PTSD. The VA In Alabama don't give a crap about you.
I filed twice for PTSD!! both times I was shot down, was told to have a Service member that was in the Army with to back up your case. The second I tried The VA Examiner stated that I was
"nothing but a Drunk"!! and I don't even drink. Went to the VA two weeks ago for my hearing, signed in. I saw this Va rep sitting at his Desk, so I asked him if he could help me with what had happen to me with my past claim. well guess what after the hearing exam he took me up stairs to "Mental Health!! Now what do you think about the Alabama VA?? I have sent a Letter to my Senator to see what He can Do.
Thank You
Joseph Brown Jr
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I filed twice for PTSD!! both times I was shot down, was told to have a Service member that was in the Army with to back up your case. The second I tried The VA Examiner stated that I was
"nothing but a Drunk"!! and I don't even drink. Went to the VA two weeks ago for my hearing, signed in. I saw this Va rep sitting at his Desk, so I asked him if he could help me with what had happen to me with my past claim. well guess what after the hearing exam he took me up stairs to "Mental Health!! Now what do you think about the Alabama VA?? I have sent a Letter to my Senator to see what He can Do.
Thank You
Joseph Brown Jr
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Sp6 Joseph Brown Jr, perseverance is what is ALWAYS needed when dealing with the V.B.A. It took 15 1/2 years for those people to accurately rate my PTSD and MDD! Fifteen and one half years! Every time they sent me a denial letter, I'd be depressed and would cry for around three days before becoming angry and rabid as a dog. Then, I'd send them an appeal. ALWAYS APPEAL and within their time limits. Otherwise they close your case and you have to begin all over. The B.V.A. wouldn't always comply with their mandated time frames, but I made sure that I always did.
Same crap happened with my C&P as what you've documented. I was misdiagnosed as a "Personality Disorder, NOS." I told them to get that out of my files and folders. (By the time I was finally rated accurately, I had four or five folders full of their denials and my appeals.) If you are given a "personality disorder" of any kind, it must be removed because a "personality disorder" will automatically keep you from receiving an accurate and appropriate, service-connected rating. You will NEVER be rated with "personality disorder" in your files and folders.
After what seemed like a thousand appeals, my "case" was finally at a point that I could send it outside of the V.B.A. to the Appeals Court For Veterans' Claims. It took it years for it to make it through this Court where it was "remanded" back to the B.V.A. with specific orders as to what to "fix." The B.V.A did not comply with any of the Court orders to "fix" any thing!
They, rather, continued to deny my appeals and so I kept appealing their denials. I don't know what all happened before I was finally rated correctly. It's been so many years ago. But finally my rating was listed as "service-connected" as it should have been years earlier. The rater who rated me as service-connected called me on the phone and apologized for the length of time my application and all my appeals were finally approved. He told me that my application should have been rated correctly years before. Honest, he did!
I've written all of this to say this: Do NOT let the V.B.A. "win!" Keep appealing every one of their denials! Always appeal. ALWAYS! Do NOT give up! They send their denials to get you to give up. DON'T!
I used a service officer only once. I'd written my application or first appeal, it's been so long ago that I do not remember which it was. What I do remember is that the officer said that what I'd written was thorough and didn't need anything further from him. With each subsequent appeal, I never went back to him. Even if I had, he'd have already retired and I'd be using someone else. . . .
In each of your appeals, always speak directly to why the B.V.A. denied you. Use their own words in your appeals. I remember one time that I wrote in thick, red, felt-tipped marker: "I have PTSD and the army caused it!" So, be creative in your appeals.
Enough of this. But, if needed, communicate with me. I'll always try to help!
Same crap happened with my C&P as what you've documented. I was misdiagnosed as a "Personality Disorder, NOS." I told them to get that out of my files and folders. (By the time I was finally rated accurately, I had four or five folders full of their denials and my appeals.) If you are given a "personality disorder" of any kind, it must be removed because a "personality disorder" will automatically keep you from receiving an accurate and appropriate, service-connected rating. You will NEVER be rated with "personality disorder" in your files and folders.
After what seemed like a thousand appeals, my "case" was finally at a point that I could send it outside of the V.B.A. to the Appeals Court For Veterans' Claims. It took it years for it to make it through this Court where it was "remanded" back to the B.V.A. with specific orders as to what to "fix." The B.V.A did not comply with any of the Court orders to "fix" any thing!
They, rather, continued to deny my appeals and so I kept appealing their denials. I don't know what all happened before I was finally rated correctly. It's been so many years ago. But finally my rating was listed as "service-connected" as it should have been years earlier. The rater who rated me as service-connected called me on the phone and apologized for the length of time my application and all my appeals were finally approved. He told me that my application should have been rated correctly years before. Honest, he did!
I've written all of this to say this: Do NOT let the V.B.A. "win!" Keep appealing every one of their denials! Always appeal. ALWAYS! Do NOT give up! They send their denials to get you to give up. DON'T!
I used a service officer only once. I'd written my application or first appeal, it's been so long ago that I do not remember which it was. What I do remember is that the officer said that what I'd written was thorough and didn't need anything further from him. With each subsequent appeal, I never went back to him. Even if I had, he'd have already retired and I'd be using someone else. . . .
In each of your appeals, always speak directly to why the B.V.A. denied you. Use their own words in your appeals. I remember one time that I wrote in thick, red, felt-tipped marker: "I have PTSD and the army caused it!" So, be creative in your appeals.
Enough of this. But, if needed, communicate with me. I'll always try to help!
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Chuck, thanks for your service in the USMC and your self disclosures here. Rememberthe 12 Step slogan, "You're as sick as your secrets?" Well, letting others know about your vulnerabilities (your secrets) is an indicator of your mental health and your strenght. For these attributes, we commend you, we support you, and we stand with you.
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This is good stuff. and thank you for sharing! I recall Zig Ziglar saying "You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
Looks like you are a perfect example of that!
You go!
Looks like you are a perfect example of that!
You go!
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I cannot stress this enough. You haven’t find a tribe to serve or a cause to serve. Otherwise things can get out of hand really fast. This is why it’s so easy for white nationalist groups to pick up newly separated vets. They promise camaraderie, and a purpose. Never mind that they have a goal that is counter to our oaths. Volunteer work, hobby groups, support groups. They’re all good things though.
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