Self Care.

As I prepare to depart for vacation, I reflect on the many reasons why we ALL must unplug, rest, recover, and prepare for the impending future.

A few months ago, I called a military buddy for what I thought was going to be a 5-minute conversation that turned into a 2.5-hour call. Following my question, my friend asked if I had a few minutes to spare. I always have time for my brothers and sisters in arms! During our conversation, he shared a few things that he was dealing with. He was overwhelmed with academics, financial difficulties, increased military duties/responsibilities, a recent breakup, on top of his service-connected medical conditions. At one point, he wondered why he was struggling so much and compared himself to others who “seem to be able to manage life better”. From the sound of it, he had reached his breaking point. This is what I told him….

Friend, life is a journey that is filled with many twists and turns; red lights that stop us, speed bumps that slow us down, and detour signs that turn us completely around. Some are blessed to have people to share their journey with, while others embark on the journey alone. Regardless, we all have the same final destination. This journey we call life is cherishing the moments and the people we share them with, learning from life's lessons, and trying to make the world a better place than we found it.

He asked me how was I able to manage the many responsibilities/obligations that I have. I told him that God made me Ford tough and that he only sees the end result, and has no idea the struggles that I (and others) oftentimes endure – similar to the iceberg effect. I told him that we cannot compare ourselves to others because we all have different skills, different backgrounds, different talents, different resources (socially, financially, mentally), etc., and we don’t know what it took for them to get to where they are. Nowadays, and especially with social media, people put up a facade as if they are living the dream (but they are robbing Peter to pay Paul) or that life is easy (when they are about to tap out). I told him that it took a while, but I had to learn how to practice self-care, which involves putting myself first. I told him that this practice is not selfish, but necessary! He seemed shocked, so I gave him the following analogy…

“We put gas in our vehicles so that we can get from point A to point B. As we travel, we deplete the gas and must refuel at some point or we cannot continue to go about our day. Different models require different types of fuel. Some cars use assorted grades of gasoline, some use diesel fuel, while others can run on electricity. Our bodies are very similar to our vehicles; they need fuel to function. With this concept in mind, we should only give to others from our overflow (extra gas that flows out when our tank is full) as we can’t do anything with the excess gas that spills out of our tank. However, we should not cipher from our gas tank (energy sources) to put it into someone else’s (unless for emergencies). It’s counterproductive – how can we accomplish our objectives, or help others, if we are low on fuel because we gave it all away? Keep in mind that everyone is different, and has different requirements to sustain them - similar to the different year, make, and model of vehicles. Some people can get by with a quick nap or a light/brisk walk, hanging out with friends. While others require medication, therapy, changes in diet, consistent exercise, massages, etc. to sustain them. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing something different or more/less than someone else to sustain yourself.

Right now, you are stressed, doubting yourself, and darn near overwhelmed. At times, various service lights appear on our dashboards, indicating that something should be addressed. These can appear due to low air in the tires, low fuel, engine overheating, battery-related/electrical issues, or engine repair is required. Similar to our vehicles, our bodies will give us indications that something needs to be addressed. This can take the form of headaches, frustration, lack of concentration, anxiousness, sleep difficulties, digestive difficulties, fluctuations in weight/appetite, mood swings, sadness, fatigue, etc.… Please know that the human body was designed to feel all of the above-mentioned, and there is nothing wrong with these – in moderation. They become problematic when they are not addressed and/or when they begin to interfere with your ability to complete your daily activities. Consider this - If the oil change indicator came on in your vehicle, you don’t have to address it as soon as it comes on. However, if you let several months pass and you don’t change your oil, you will end up with a bigger and more expensive problem -your engine locking up. If we do not pay attention to the cues from our body, our body and brains will begin to malfunction until they ultimately break down.

You and I are built like those old Ford trucks – we carry heavy loads, have high mileage, take a beating, get in wrecks, etc., but we come out looking as if we haven’t endured. If you take a look at these newer model cars, they look nice, have all the bells and whistles, have fewer miles, etc., but if they get into an accident with this Ford truck; they fall apart. The difference between us and them is that we are more seasoned; we have experienced life, we work jobs outside of our clinical requirements, and most importantly we have, and still are, carrying heaving loads (military responsibilities, financial obligations, family, service-connected disabilities, etc.). And though we carry it well, we still are carrying heavy ass loads on top of everything else that we do! “

At the end of our conversation, I said, “Now that your service lights are on, what maintenance are you scheduling to address them, and what is your plan to ensure they are addressed proactively or more promptly in the future?”

Please share in the comments what you (or someone you know) do for self-care, to unplug, or to remedy your service lights…. Keep in mind that self-care needs vary from person to person. For some, self-care is getting out of bed in the morning instead of staying there indefinitely, making up their bed, taking five minutes to themselves, having a cheat meal and eating their favorite ice cream, etc. Personally, I walk four miles a day, I get a massage every three weeks, I occasionally treat myself to movies/dinner (by myself), I phone a friend, and I recently began taking Fridays off to unplug, relax, recover.

Until next time…