The Lives We Remember on Memorial Day

Every year our nation sets aside a day to honor our military who have died in service to our country. For many of us, this day is a tough one as we experience the full range of emotions. Our hearts are filled with great pride and great loss.

No matter how much time has passed, remembering can feel like waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves of emotion are light and wash up against our ankles, however, there are times when those emotional waves crash into us hard and take our breath away.

Memorial Day impacts us all a little bit differently. I find myself on a roller coaster going from smiling to crying, thinking of the past and also what life might have been.

On Memorial Day, my wife and I join tens of thousands of military families across the United States to honor all our nation’s Fallen Heroes. We honor and remember our two sons who died fighting different battles.

Together with all of our fellow Americans, we honor over 677,000 members of the U.S. military who gave the ultimate sacrifice while bravely serving around the globe since the Civil War.

This Memorial Day, in particular, we are reminded of the fragility and sacredness of human life. In recent months, over 90,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 including over one thousand veterans.

Recent events also remind us that many of our military, both former and currently serving, are fighting to survive two different types of battles.

While many Americans continue social distancing or remain in self-isolation due to COVID-19, experts are warning of a surge in mental health issues. Not only is COVID-19 causing isolation, it also is tightening much needed resources for service members and veterans who rely on treatment for service related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).

Scarred by physical and emotional wounds, our veteran population already has a higher suicide rate than the national population, with a rate 1.5 times higher than civilians.

Many of our military and veterans are suffering from wounds you cannot see that can be more serious and deadly than the wounds you can see.

Unfortunately, our family has experienced the tragedy of suicide first-hand. As an ROTC cadet at the University of Kentucky, our son Kevin was studying to be an Army doctor. He was a scholarship student battling depression and stopped taking his medication because he didn’t want the military to know of his illness. When Kevin died, we blamed ourselves for not recognizing the serious warning signs that Kevin’s depression was a true medical illness and not just a sad feeling. We now know that eliminating the stigma and accessing quality treatment is a matter of life and death.

It was around the time of Kevin’s death that the military began experiencing crisis numbers of suicides on military installations where we served. My wife and I dedicated ourselves to opening up the conversation in both the military and civilian world about suicide.

As a retired Major General in the U.S. Army, my mission today is to ensure that any veteran, service member, family member, or caregiver gets the help they need, whenever they have an issue, wherever they are in the world -- before challenges turn into crises. They are not alone.

In many ways, our humble support of service members and veterans who suffer the invisible wounds of war is a way we can honor their comrades who fought and died.

This Memorial Day we respectfully remember with gratitude the hundreds of thousands of men and women who have served our country on the battlefield in countless wars and conflicts.

We remember over 7,000 post-9/11 troops, like our other son Jeff, who was killed by an IED leading a foot patrol in Iraq.

We remember the many generations before Jeff and Kevin who fought and died in the name of freedom.

Retired Army Maj. Gen. Mark Graham is director of Vets4Warriors. Veterans experiencing a mental health emergency can contact the Veteran Crisis Line at [login to see] and select option 1 for a VA staffer. If you want to speak with a peer, call Vets4Warriors at [login to see] , visit http://www.Vets4Warriors.com or follow us on social @Vets4Warriors to learn more.