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Every year our nation sets aside a day to honor our military who have died in service to our country. For many of us, this day is a tough one as we experience the full range of emotions. Our hearts are filled with great pride and great loss.
No matter how much time has passed, remembering can feel like waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves of emotion are light and wash up against our ankles, however, there are times when those emotional waves crash into us hard and take our breath away.
Memorial Day impacts us all a little bit differently. I find myself on a roller coaster going from smiling to crying, thinking of the past and also what life might have been.
On Memorial Day, my wife and I join tens of thousands of military families across the United States to honor all our nation’s Fallen Heroes. We honor and remember our two sons who died fighting different battles.
Together with all of our fellow Americans, we honor over 677,000 members of the U.S. military who gave the ultimate sacrifice while bravely serving around the globe since the Civil War.
This Memorial Day, in particular, we are reminded of the fragility and sacredness of human life. In recent months, over 90,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 including over one thousand veterans.
Recent events also remind us that many of our military, both former and currently serving, are fighting to survive two different types of battles.
While many Americans continue social distancing or remain in self-isolation due to COVID-19, experts are warning of a surge in mental health issues. Not only is COVID-19 causing isolation, it also is tightening much needed resources for service members and veterans who rely on treatment for service related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).
Scarred by physical and emotional wounds, our veteran population already has a higher suicide rate than the national population, with a rate 1.5 times higher than civilians.
Many of our military and veterans are suffering from wounds you cannot see that can be more serious and deadly than the wounds you can see.
Unfortunately, our family has experienced the tragedy of suicide first-hand. As an ROTC cadet at the University of Kentucky, our son Kevin was studying to be an Army doctor. He was a scholarship student battling depression and stopped taking his medication because he didn’t want the military to know of his illness. When Kevin died, we blamed ourselves for not recognizing the serious warning signs that Kevin’s depression was a true medical illness and not just a sad feeling. We now know that eliminating the stigma and accessing quality treatment is a matter of life and death.
It was around the time of Kevin’s death that the military began experiencing crisis numbers of suicides on military installations where we served. My wife and I dedicated ourselves to opening up the conversation in both the military and civilian world about suicide.
As a retired Major General in the U.S. Army, my mission today is to ensure that any veteran, service member, family member, or caregiver gets the help they need, whenever they have an issue, wherever they are in the world -- before challenges turn into crises. They are not alone.
In many ways, our humble support of service members and veterans who suffer the invisible wounds of war is a way we can honor their comrades who fought and died.
This Memorial Day we respectfully remember with gratitude the hundreds of thousands of men and women who have served our country on the battlefield in countless wars and conflicts.
We remember over 7,000 post-9/11 troops, like our other son Jeff, who was killed by an IED leading a foot patrol in Iraq.
We remember the many generations before Jeff and Kevin who fought and died in the name of freedom.
Retired Army Maj. Gen. Mark Graham is director of Vets4Warriors. Veterans experiencing a mental health emergency can contact the Veteran Crisis Line at [login to see] and select option 1 for a VA staffer. If you want to speak with a peer, call Vets4Warriors at [login to see] , visit http://www.Vets4Warriors.com or follow us on social @Vets4Warriors to learn more.
No matter how much time has passed, remembering can feel like waves in the ocean. Sometimes the waves of emotion are light and wash up against our ankles, however, there are times when those emotional waves crash into us hard and take our breath away.
Memorial Day impacts us all a little bit differently. I find myself on a roller coaster going from smiling to crying, thinking of the past and also what life might have been.
On Memorial Day, my wife and I join tens of thousands of military families across the United States to honor all our nation’s Fallen Heroes. We honor and remember our two sons who died fighting different battles.
Together with all of our fellow Americans, we honor over 677,000 members of the U.S. military who gave the ultimate sacrifice while bravely serving around the globe since the Civil War.
This Memorial Day, in particular, we are reminded of the fragility and sacredness of human life. In recent months, over 90,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 including over one thousand veterans.
Recent events also remind us that many of our military, both former and currently serving, are fighting to survive two different types of battles.
While many Americans continue social distancing or remain in self-isolation due to COVID-19, experts are warning of a surge in mental health issues. Not only is COVID-19 causing isolation, it also is tightening much needed resources for service members and veterans who rely on treatment for service related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).
Scarred by physical and emotional wounds, our veteran population already has a higher suicide rate than the national population, with a rate 1.5 times higher than civilians.
Many of our military and veterans are suffering from wounds you cannot see that can be more serious and deadly than the wounds you can see.
Unfortunately, our family has experienced the tragedy of suicide first-hand. As an ROTC cadet at the University of Kentucky, our son Kevin was studying to be an Army doctor. He was a scholarship student battling depression and stopped taking his medication because he didn’t want the military to know of his illness. When Kevin died, we blamed ourselves for not recognizing the serious warning signs that Kevin’s depression was a true medical illness and not just a sad feeling. We now know that eliminating the stigma and accessing quality treatment is a matter of life and death.
It was around the time of Kevin’s death that the military began experiencing crisis numbers of suicides on military installations where we served. My wife and I dedicated ourselves to opening up the conversation in both the military and civilian world about suicide.
As a retired Major General in the U.S. Army, my mission today is to ensure that any veteran, service member, family member, or caregiver gets the help they need, whenever they have an issue, wherever they are in the world -- before challenges turn into crises. They are not alone.
In many ways, our humble support of service members and veterans who suffer the invisible wounds of war is a way we can honor their comrades who fought and died.
This Memorial Day we respectfully remember with gratitude the hundreds of thousands of men and women who have served our country on the battlefield in countless wars and conflicts.
We remember over 7,000 post-9/11 troops, like our other son Jeff, who was killed by an IED leading a foot patrol in Iraq.
We remember the many generations before Jeff and Kevin who fought and died in the name of freedom.
Retired Army Maj. Gen. Mark Graham is director of Vets4Warriors. Veterans experiencing a mental health emergency can contact the Veteran Crisis Line at [login to see] and select option 1 for a VA staffer. If you want to speak with a peer, call Vets4Warriors at [login to see] , visit http://www.Vets4Warriors.com or follow us on social @Vets4Warriors to learn more.
Posted in these groups: 
Memorial Day
Memorial
Vets4Warriors
Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF)
Coronavirus COVID19
Memorial Day Memorial Vets4Warriors Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) Coronavirus COVID19
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 59
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Thank you, MG Graham & wife, Carol, for this post. I am humbled & honored by your words, your devotion to your sons, Kevin and Jeffrey and your steadfast, courageous commitment to the mental health of our nation’s soldiers & veterans.
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i know myself having lost my brother-in-law to veit nam that hit home for me and i was young seeing them bringing notice to my sister !!!! i watched as she broke down and cried !!!!!being younger i didnt know what happened !!!!! then seeing his flag in a case and medals sister sat down told me what happened !!!! till this day even being a veteran its hard right now during pandemic i have several veterans living in high rise being on different floors we try to look after each other maybe this is god's mission ??
some say it is i dont know if it is i wish it heal up !!!! bad enough i suffer from bipolar1 and emontional depression the stay at home doesnt bother me !!!! heck i get out if lucky 3 maybe 4 times a week walking keeps me in shape just a couple of blocks i just wont tolerate alot any more
till then i pray those who can take time in laying flowers if you can i looked seen my sister did for mom and dads grave site !!beautiful even has flags around
dad always said " i love my country i fear those who run it and live in it "
some say it is i dont know if it is i wish it heal up !!!! bad enough i suffer from bipolar1 and emontional depression the stay at home doesnt bother me !!!! heck i get out if lucky 3 maybe 4 times a week walking keeps me in shape just a couple of blocks i just wont tolerate alot any more
till then i pray those who can take time in laying flowers if you can i looked seen my sister did for mom and dads grave site !!beautiful even has flags around
dad always said " i love my country i fear those who run it and live in it "
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Tough, touching words. Broke my heart to consider your loss, and pain. Thank you, Graham family. Your sacrifice and service inspire.
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I am profoundly sorry for your loss. As a fellow member of a gold star family, I can feel your pain and loss as well. Blessed be the warrior who serves the nation, tribe, clan, family, for he truly has love in his heart for those around him. I lost a true friend who was with me in conversation one moment and gone the next to a sniper... I have also lost family members to terrorism while serving as peacekeepers. On Memorial day and just about any other day. I remember them as I knew them and I pray for them as they sit with God while awaiting the reunion we will have when God calls me. You and your wife will see your sons again when God calls you. Strive to help those who need our help and remember the good of those gone before us.. God bless you brother... Gunns/JP
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A truly awesome post that covers the range of emotions that I have every year at this time. Your insight is appreciated. Thank you. Semper Fidelis.
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Sir, I still have young children and I worry about how I influence my children in taking up some of the dangerous jobs I have done, from being a soldier to firefighter. As someone who has lost a child following your footsteps, how do you cope and do you have any advice for someone potentially wearing the same shoes? I worry about my children following me and then dealing with losing them in that job I played a part.
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Sir,
Thank you for those kind words and sharing your and your wife's experience. As a veteran, I value the assistance that is offered to us and ultimately, it's up to us the get the care we may need. Yes, it is a roller coaster ride at times, when we think and honor those that have served and are still serving.
Thank you,
Avery Wiggins (MSG Ret)
Thank you for those kind words and sharing your and your wife's experience. As a veteran, I value the assistance that is offered to us and ultimately, it's up to us the get the care we may need. Yes, it is a roller coaster ride at times, when we think and honor those that have served and are still serving.
Thank you,
Avery Wiggins (MSG Ret)
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While your words sound good. They can't help me. I have tried to contact the VA repeatedly and here at Togus in Augusta, Maine, they don't give a damn about vets. I'm not the only one that has ran into their lack of concern. I have several friends up here that have the same issue. NO HELP FROM THE VA. DON"T WASTE YOUR TIME HERE.
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SSG(P) D. Wright Downs
I am a fortunate one who has a good VA in VT. HOWEVER, I had to go to the Vet Center practically across the street to start getting the help I needed. I was an employee at the VA and should not bring my self to go to the Psyc desk. I got counciling at the the Vet Center and eventually saw one of the VA Psychiatrists who prescribed meds and talked with me.
The Vet Centers were set up because the VA had really not done anything for VN vets and had alienated them. The VetCenters are so much different from the VA although they are under the auspices of the VA. Your file at the Vet Center is not known to the VA…it is private from there. That is what made it so important to the Vietnam Veterans. As a female veteran I find it important to me, too. It was important when I was employed by the VA.
If your VA is not doing right by you, call the Vet Center. They are doing phone interviews and counciling during the virus thing but will be on tap as soon as they can be. Please do not give up…give sth Vet Center a shot.
The Vet Centers were set up because the VA had really not done anything for VN vets and had alienated them. The VetCenters are so much different from the VA although they are under the auspices of the VA. Your file at the Vet Center is not known to the VA…it is private from there. That is what made it so important to the Vietnam Veterans. As a female veteran I find it important to me, too. It was important when I was employed by the VA.
If your VA is not doing right by you, call the Vet Center. They are doing phone interviews and counciling during the virus thing but will be on tap as soon as they can be. Please do not give up…give sth Vet Center a shot.
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Suspended Profile
SSG(P) D. Wright Downs - I too feel extraordinarily fortunate to have been receiving exceptional care at all but one of the VAMC’s throughout the country I’ve lived near (probably 15 locations in the last 23 years while frequently moving). Deserving of the most “mention” was the Lebanon, PA VAMC that routinely provided outstanding care for the 45K+ Veterans in our catchment area. Many of the folks receiving care at that facility moved to the area specifically to be closer to that hospital... One facility I preferred to stay clear of was the Los Angeles VAMC; too crowded, frustrated and harried staff, limited personal time with providers, etc.
As a general rule, when my wife accompanies me during a visit, she will make a remark about how attentive and respectful the staff is, and how quickly I obtain appointments. She has never been that lucky with her health insurance, and I’m happy I don't have to use it!
I’m sure there are some “Hell-hole” VAMCs, but there are an equal amount of sub-standard private medical centers around the country. My wife had such a bad experience with an out-patient procedure in Tucson, she halted it, walked out, and I immediately disputed the co-pay charge on my USAA VISA card.
Simply put, our system of medical care in this country is pathetic and requires change. More often than not, what is offered for free from the Department of Veterans Affairs is better than most that people have to pay big bucks for...
As a general rule, when my wife accompanies me during a visit, she will make a remark about how attentive and respectful the staff is, and how quickly I obtain appointments. She has never been that lucky with her health insurance, and I’m happy I don't have to use it!
I’m sure there are some “Hell-hole” VAMCs, but there are an equal amount of sub-standard private medical centers around the country. My wife had such a bad experience with an out-patient procedure in Tucson, she halted it, walked out, and I immediately disputed the co-pay charge on my USAA VISA card.
Simply put, our system of medical care in this country is pathetic and requires change. More often than not, what is offered for free from the Department of Veterans Affairs is better than most that people have to pay big bucks for...
MSG Norman Carter
Hey Bro,
Don't lose hope. I've actually been to Holden Maine, outside Bangor, a few times. Friends own a farm and we do a Fall Apple Cider Festival annually on Columbus Day weekend. The people are friends, the countryside is nice, deer are plentiful (for us bowhunters!!).
Here is the VA IG hotline. Drop them a note about your concerns. You're not the only one, and you could actually save someone else who doesn't have the tenacity you have to resolve this- and get the facility working to support ALL vets.
[login to see]
[Monday–Wednesday and Friday between 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time) or Thursday 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. (Eastern Time]
FAX: [login to see]
Mail:
VA Inspector General Hotline (53E)
810 Vermont Ave., NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20420
Don't lose hope. I've actually been to Holden Maine, outside Bangor, a few times. Friends own a farm and we do a Fall Apple Cider Festival annually on Columbus Day weekend. The people are friends, the countryside is nice, deer are plentiful (for us bowhunters!!).
Here is the VA IG hotline. Drop them a note about your concerns. You're not the only one, and you could actually save someone else who doesn't have the tenacity you have to resolve this- and get the facility working to support ALL vets.
[login to see]
[Monday–Wednesday and Friday between 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time) or Thursday 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. (Eastern Time]
FAX: [login to see]
Mail:
VA Inspector General Hotline (53E)
810 Vermont Ave., NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20420
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TSgt Robert Moore
MSG Norman Carter - I lost hope after trying 6 times to get them to look at my lower back which I injured in the military. They would have me come in and look at my shoulder, another injury, then tell me they couldn't look at my back. Then my wife developed Alzheimers and had to be put in a nursing home. I can't even go see her now.
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