Posted on Dec 29, 2014
Young Service Members with Little to No Life Skills
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You get the call from S1: you have a new soldier to go pick up, in-process, and begin your process of giving purpose, direction, and motivation. They have all the shiny new skills given to them from AIT. They have their basic tactical skills given to them by basic training, as well as their field exercises, so they are not a completely blank canvas. You get their ERBs, scan them over, see their birthdays, and you realize they are barely adults, or quite possibly still 17. The next questions you run through with each troop, “Where are your from? Are you married? Do you have a driver’s license? A car? Kids?” You get a short bio. Usually you see one of two things: their parents are still married and there are a bunch of siblings, or, more often these days, you get that the parents are divorced, sometimes re-married, and they only grew up with one of them with a handful of various siblings. What do these things tell you? What is the writing on the wall when you get the background on your troops? You’re basically their foster parent at this point.
A week later you do a barracks inspection and you see their room isn’t clean - dishes piled up, a myriad of empty Cup-o-Noodles cups strewn on their desk, a bunch of clothes purchased at your local mall lay in a pile on the floor. All of their tactical gear is in a clump in the back of their closet. There’s probably a TV way out of their price range along with a video game system fresh out of the box sitting on top of their dresser. A strange smell is emanating from under their bed, and you’ve discovered where the weekend’s pizza boxes were stashed. Easy fix right? Tell them to clean it up and re-inspect in the morning before PT. Most of the leaders in the military have walked in on this very scene. There is more to do here than to tell them to simply clean it up. You should probably teach them how to do that laundry so they can make their clothes last longer. Their diet is atrocious so you need to show them how to follow a meal plan. A meal plan will then lead to a grocery list, so they don’t motor up and down the aisles with one hand out just slap-slap-slapping things off the shelf into their cart. This leads to them setting money aside just for food.
What does a freshly minted troop want more than anything? Typically, they all want a car.. You have to keep them away from the dealerships right outside of the gate…even if you are new to that duty station, you know better. They have this signing bonus money burning a hole in their pockets, and they want some wheels. And they don’t want just any wheels; they want some either attached to 400-horse power engine, or a 12-inch lift. You know they don’t need any of this, but they want it anyways. You tell them they need a 6-8 year old, 4-door sedan (preferably a Toyota or a Honda) and they just look at you like you have a mental disorder. They want something “sexy” that will help them get the second most wanted thing by a freshly minted troop. So, they are either going to take to your reason, or they are going to go get their shiny next year model dream on wheels. Hopefully you go ahead of them and made sure they didn’t lock themselves into a high interest rate.
So after a few months you have taught them to separate, iron, and fold their laundry, to budget for food and fun on the weekends, to set up their TSP, and to buy a car. You were their rock to build a foundation for a future successful life, and the hard place where they had to make some wise but tough decisions. There were probably many more lessons woven into these broad topics, but these are things that you came in knowing. They aren’t from your generation, the last of the “prepared” young adults mostly ready for the world. They could probably re-program your phone, or teach you how to properly work the various aspects of the latest social networking site, but they don’t know their basic life skills. There is more to being a leader these days than just “Shoot, Move, and Communicate”. The only hope those parents around America have is that we have the experience, capability, and willingness to pick up where they left off.
A week later you do a barracks inspection and you see their room isn’t clean - dishes piled up, a myriad of empty Cup-o-Noodles cups strewn on their desk, a bunch of clothes purchased at your local mall lay in a pile on the floor. All of their tactical gear is in a clump in the back of their closet. There’s probably a TV way out of their price range along with a video game system fresh out of the box sitting on top of their dresser. A strange smell is emanating from under their bed, and you’ve discovered where the weekend’s pizza boxes were stashed. Easy fix right? Tell them to clean it up and re-inspect in the morning before PT. Most of the leaders in the military have walked in on this very scene. There is more to do here than to tell them to simply clean it up. You should probably teach them how to do that laundry so they can make their clothes last longer. Their diet is atrocious so you need to show them how to follow a meal plan. A meal plan will then lead to a grocery list, so they don’t motor up and down the aisles with one hand out just slap-slap-slapping things off the shelf into their cart. This leads to them setting money aside just for food.
What does a freshly minted troop want more than anything? Typically, they all want a car.. You have to keep them away from the dealerships right outside of the gate…even if you are new to that duty station, you know better. They have this signing bonus money burning a hole in their pockets, and they want some wheels. And they don’t want just any wheels; they want some either attached to 400-horse power engine, or a 12-inch lift. You know they don’t need any of this, but they want it anyways. You tell them they need a 6-8 year old, 4-door sedan (preferably a Toyota or a Honda) and they just look at you like you have a mental disorder. They want something “sexy” that will help them get the second most wanted thing by a freshly minted troop. So, they are either going to take to your reason, or they are going to go get their shiny next year model dream on wheels. Hopefully you go ahead of them and made sure they didn’t lock themselves into a high interest rate.
So after a few months you have taught them to separate, iron, and fold their laundry, to budget for food and fun on the weekends, to set up their TSP, and to buy a car. You were their rock to build a foundation for a future successful life, and the hard place where they had to make some wise but tough decisions. There were probably many more lessons woven into these broad topics, but these are things that you came in knowing. They aren’t from your generation, the last of the “prepared” young adults mostly ready for the world. They could probably re-program your phone, or teach you how to properly work the various aspects of the latest social networking site, but they don’t know their basic life skills. There is more to being a leader these days than just “Shoot, Move, and Communicate”. The only hope those parents around America have is that we have the experience, capability, and willingness to pick up where they left off.
Posted 10 y ago
Responses: 27
In addition to the above, many soldiers who never move out of the barracks learn how to live on their own. I think this is a failure to transitioning successfully by the military. They don't know how to rent, lease, or own a house, how to set up utilities, proper vehicle maintence, car registration, safety inspections, taxes, college loans, etc. While most of these aren't the military's direct responsbility, knowing how to get lodging after transitioning is essential. Many troops transition without a job, thinking they are going to use their GI Bill to pay for housing. Your GI Bill stipend covers very few of your actual living expenses, and does not cover the summer months. It's easier to make all the errors with renting in a civilian environment when you have a steady paycheck, and financial assistance resources. Not knowing this prior to getting out, can result in poor budgeting, not being able to make monthly payments, and low credit scores that hinder renting and getting loans in the future. When soldiers get out of the military they should be able to act as independent self-suffiicent adults, not resort to living with their parents again to make ends meet.
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MSgt (Join to see)
On some bases there is a pretty long list for base housing so the only alternative is off base. So I agree that sounds very feasible to have a comprehensive counseling about resources for young married couples living on or off base.
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SGT (Join to see)
In 2001, in my initial briefing, I heard all the jazz about financial responsibility. I was sent to Ft Hood. I was there about, oh, two weeks, before I realized that a car might be useful. So, I bought one...at at ridiculously inflated interest rate. The program was called MILES. And that little Sunfire, worth about 6K, wound up costing me about 12K.
The briefings warned me, but I didn't listen. The best advice I received came from an NCO after-the-fact:
"If they know you are in the military...bring your own lube, because they won't provide it, and you are about to get..."
Yep. So, it's my policy to be sure that that soldier knows that he or she is no longer in their momma's house. Wolves are kinda cute on the internet, but they will chew on your lips off, in reality.
You're welcome.
The briefings warned me, but I didn't listen. The best advice I received came from an NCO after-the-fact:
"If they know you are in the military...bring your own lube, because they won't provide it, and you are about to get..."
Yep. So, it's my policy to be sure that that soldier knows that he or she is no longer in their momma's house. Wolves are kinda cute on the internet, but they will chew on your lips off, in reality.
You're welcome.
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PFC Misti Grant
If life skills were important in high school (like 30+ years ago), reality might not be such a shock after graduation.
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I joined when I was 18 almost 19 and I felt old compared to my fellow soliders. I'm sure if I joined at 17 when I graduated and I would of been like one of these very soldiers.....but I got hit with reality when I became a mom at 17. I joined because it was what I wanted to do; I didn't join to learn basic life skills, I already got that crash course along with what my parents had instilled in raising my siblings and I as independent, hard working, self reliant members of society. Unfortunately that type of upbringing has become rare.....
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I was a snot nosed kid, but I could wipe my own tush and asked LOTS of questions. Did I run out of money? You bet! Of course, I think we got paid $750 so it was easy. Cartons of cigarettes were $7 and a case of beer was $8.60.......you know, the essentials...lol. When I had a brief stint working at behavioral health, I had a few "kids" who were in way over their heads with being married to a spouse on her 3rd marriage with 4 kids and the new sponsor was 19. I spent 10 minutes trying to get him back on track when all he could concentrate on was the release of Battlefield 2 for PS3. Single child in a one parent family and mom worked 24/7. Of course the Army took him at the height of the surge. We worked on communication problems in his marriage, and budgeting. "Why does most of my pay go towards what her kids need? There is never anything left for me!" It's hard to have "the talk" when they arrive with family in tow. It's hard to be a "dad" when we are at war. Where do we draw he line at mentorship v. child rearing? My stepson was older than some of my Platoon Leaders. I caught one checking out my daughter. No one comes to the military equipped for war. We all work at our levels of expertise to make our leaders shine and our troops to flourish. When basic life skills becomes the focus on some of our troops we have taken a huge step backwards from operational readiness. When they start referring them to mental health because they are so underequipped, it is time to think about separation. Sorry folks. Behavioral health is kicking them right back to you with a note with parenting instructions. It is on you to make the judgement call.
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1LT William Clardy
SFC Mark Merino, as long as your daughter inherited more of your character and sense than your looks, well, a young man in need of a good spouse would be a fool to overlook her, wouldn't he?
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