Posted on May 7, 2021
PVT Infantry Recruit
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What are some of your funniest Infantry / Army stories?

Hey guys... i was just curious what stories you guys have from your time in service?
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SSG Environmental Specialist
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In 1996 I was a corporal supporting BCT at Ft. Knox, we were short drill sergeants and my first sergeant asked me to pull CQ for Friday night and take the weekend off, to give his Drill Sergeants a break. Well every two hours fire guard comes down for their assignments. At 4 am the last group of fire guard comes down and I think I am done just a few more hours of peace and I will be relieved. I hear a knock at the door one of the privates on fire guard ask if he could go outside and pat the kitty cat. I go to the door and look out in the parking lot and it was what I thought it was, a skunk, I asked the poor boy if he knew what it was, his reply was I think it is a cat, I asked where are you from pvt, he said New York City, I said you never watched looney toons, he had not. I almost let him go out but then thought my first sergeant would not appreciate one of his privates smelling up the barracks, so I sent him back up stairs to his job.
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SPC Cable Installer/Maintainer
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In basic, after every long, strenuous, annoying, hot, humid Relaxin’ Jackson day, we always had a protein bar. AKA The Crack Bar. It was rumored that if you are more than one it’ll kill you but we were privates and like traditional privates, we were hardheaded. So we all ate maybe 2 or more. Later that night we all had the urge to poop. All the toilets were taken, people shouting in pain in the latrines, chaos ensues. The 1SGT walks in and immediately walks out with a look disgustion on his face. Privates running around almost crapping themselves. After the whole chaotic thing dwindled down, there was one toilet, the legendary one. Legend has it that it still wouldn’t flush. There was a massive poop laying in the toilet just staring us down. Shaped like a American football. Someone placed a note stating, “HERE LIES THE LEGENDARY COLON TAKER.” Till this day, we have yet to know who laid it.
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SPC Cable Installer/Maintainer
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True story btw.
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PFC Steven Kleiner
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I did Basic at Ft. Benning, GA, Sandhill. When we were in MOP training, we left the smoke house and about three to four steps was a tree, One of our guys came storming out so quickly, he plowed right into the tree and knocked himself backward. Broke his nose, bled for a while and was struggling for his eyes to clear as well. So snot, blood, tears all at once. he truly bled his way through MOPS.
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