Posted on Jul 3, 2016
10 Of The Worst Punishments From Life In The Military
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Our veteran readers across the country shared hilarious stories of military punishments. Here are 10 of the best.
If you’ve read this story or this story about funny punishments handed down in the military, you know there’s nothing quite like military humor.
Task & Purpose readers responded by sending us thousands of stories, each epic in its own right. So really, we had no choice but to select 10 of our favorite hilarious military punishments contributed by you, our awesome readers. Sit back, enjoy, and let the memories envelop you like a woobie.
RELATED: Why the woobie is the greatest military invention ever fielded >>
And, as always: Add your funny military stories in the comments. Your favorite memory could be featured in the next installment.
(Stories have been edited for clarity.)
Fun Dip.
We had a guy pull out a “stress card.” Drill instructor took it, ripped it up, ate it, and then spit it back out in the garbage can. He turned to the guy and said, “That’s some lousy dip you have there, recruit!” – Mike Spriggs
Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey.
On our deployment we had a huge fuck up, so some of the guys brought him to the motor pool and stuck him in an mrap turret with a manual crank. They told him to unscrew the turret by cranking it and spinning in a circle. He then asked how he’d know it was fully unscrewed, to which one of the guys said you’ll hear a metallic liquid click. After about a half hour of cranking a squad leader walked by and without missing a beat said “Hey dumbass, you’re going the wrong way.” He was out there for a while. – Keith Bechtler
Going Nuts.
We had a recruit in basic who was caught with a bag of peanuts. The drill sergeant made him stick his head in a locker, close the door on his neck and scream “I’m a squirrel!” for 30 minutes. – Richard Newman
Hunting Wabbits.
A guy in my company got busted standing around with a broom when he was supposed to be field day-ing the squad bay. The CC had him hold the broom like a rifle, in a prone position, aimed under the bunks and down the length of the squad bay. He was to shoot all dust bunnies. For the next hour we heard “Bang, bang! I got you, you rascally rabbit! – James M. Nakamoto
Special Snowflake.
We had a private come in from the Navy. He was such a screwup that he drew the drill sergeant’s eye immediately. One day he was doing pushups for doing something stupid, and failed at pushup number three. So instead of doing pushups, the drill sergeant made him go outside and make 100 snow angels. It was 20 degrees outside, at Fort Knox, in two feet of snow. – Michael Barrett
Human Jukebox.
I remember a drill instructor stuffing a trainee in a locker, then putting quarters in to make him sing. – Chaz Aaron
Hype Man.
I had a soldier who was consistently late to formation. I took the big, ugly, standard-issue battery-operated clock and a length of chain I painted gold, and made him a necklace. He was to wear it everywhere, and whenever I called the platoon to attention, they were no longer allowed to sound off with our motto. Instead, they had to sound off with “FLAVOR-FLAV!” – Chris Brown
Cops and Robbers.
During basic our Kill Hat asked if anyone was going to be military police. When one of the recruits stepped forward and proclaimed that as their MOS he then gave the kid a blue lens and red lens flashlight, and made him chase two other recruits around the squad bay making siren noises. The rest of us stood at attention on the line, trying not to laugh our asses off. – Adam Wright
Big Wood.
I had a private bring me a piece of wood to use as a stake for his AP claymore command wire. He asked me if the one he retrieved would work, and I told him it would. He left it in my area. So, I took it back to him and instructed the private that his wood was now an inspectable item. I would call out “Private X! Show me your wood!” He would produce it and yell, “All six inches, Sergeant!” – John Turner
Goodnight Moon.
Had a recruit who was falling asleep on fire watch. The drill instructor from our sister platoon came over, and saw her dozing off. When the drill instructor saw her, she made the recruit crawl into the gear locker. The drill instructor then throws a pillow at the recruit, tells her to close it and go night night. And for the rest of her post the recruit had to yell, “Night, night everyone.” – Alysia Ferris
If you’ve read this story or this story about funny punishments handed down in the military, you know there’s nothing quite like military humor.
Task & Purpose readers responded by sending us thousands of stories, each epic in its own right. So really, we had no choice but to select 10 of our favorite hilarious military punishments contributed by you, our awesome readers. Sit back, enjoy, and let the memories envelop you like a woobie.
RELATED: Why the woobie is the greatest military invention ever fielded >>
And, as always: Add your funny military stories in the comments. Your favorite memory could be featured in the next installment.
(Stories have been edited for clarity.)
Fun Dip.
We had a guy pull out a “stress card.” Drill instructor took it, ripped it up, ate it, and then spit it back out in the garbage can. He turned to the guy and said, “That’s some lousy dip you have there, recruit!” – Mike Spriggs
Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey.
On our deployment we had a huge fuck up, so some of the guys brought him to the motor pool and stuck him in an mrap turret with a manual crank. They told him to unscrew the turret by cranking it and spinning in a circle. He then asked how he’d know it was fully unscrewed, to which one of the guys said you’ll hear a metallic liquid click. After about a half hour of cranking a squad leader walked by and without missing a beat said “Hey dumbass, you’re going the wrong way.” He was out there for a while. – Keith Bechtler
Going Nuts.
We had a recruit in basic who was caught with a bag of peanuts. The drill sergeant made him stick his head in a locker, close the door on his neck and scream “I’m a squirrel!” for 30 minutes. – Richard Newman
Hunting Wabbits.
A guy in my company got busted standing around with a broom when he was supposed to be field day-ing the squad bay. The CC had him hold the broom like a rifle, in a prone position, aimed under the bunks and down the length of the squad bay. He was to shoot all dust bunnies. For the next hour we heard “Bang, bang! I got you, you rascally rabbit! – James M. Nakamoto
Special Snowflake.
We had a private come in from the Navy. He was such a screwup that he drew the drill sergeant’s eye immediately. One day he was doing pushups for doing something stupid, and failed at pushup number three. So instead of doing pushups, the drill sergeant made him go outside and make 100 snow angels. It was 20 degrees outside, at Fort Knox, in two feet of snow. – Michael Barrett
Human Jukebox.
I remember a drill instructor stuffing a trainee in a locker, then putting quarters in to make him sing. – Chaz Aaron
Hype Man.
I had a soldier who was consistently late to formation. I took the big, ugly, standard-issue battery-operated clock and a length of chain I painted gold, and made him a necklace. He was to wear it everywhere, and whenever I called the platoon to attention, they were no longer allowed to sound off with our motto. Instead, they had to sound off with “FLAVOR-FLAV!” – Chris Brown
Cops and Robbers.
During basic our Kill Hat asked if anyone was going to be military police. When one of the recruits stepped forward and proclaimed that as their MOS he then gave the kid a blue lens and red lens flashlight, and made him chase two other recruits around the squad bay making siren noises. The rest of us stood at attention on the line, trying not to laugh our asses off. – Adam Wright
Big Wood.
I had a private bring me a piece of wood to use as a stake for his AP claymore command wire. He asked me if the one he retrieved would work, and I told him it would. He left it in my area. So, I took it back to him and instructed the private that his wood was now an inspectable item. I would call out “Private X! Show me your wood!” He would produce it and yell, “All six inches, Sergeant!” – John Turner
Goodnight Moon.
Had a recruit who was falling asleep on fire watch. The drill instructor from our sister platoon came over, and saw her dozing off. When the drill instructor saw her, she made the recruit crawl into the gear locker. The drill instructor then throws a pillow at the recruit, tells her to close it and go night night. And for the rest of her post the recruit had to yell, “Night, night everyone.” – Alysia Ferris
10 Of The Worst Punishments From Life In The Military
Posted from taskandpurpose.comPosted in these groups: 
Punishment
Humor
Punishment Humor
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
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I attended Infantry OCS in the days of spit-shined floors and rigid discipline. The Company CO was getting annoyed that too much pogey bait was arriving from friends and family in the mail and declared that the practice had to stop. Gifts of food would only be permitted on a special event such as birthday. Well, when the next birthday arrived in our platoon, gift packages arrived for that person from every corner of the nation. Coincidentally there were the same number of packages as members of our platoon. We were called to our Tac Officer's office where we found the packages stacked against the wall. He instructed us to carry them to the platoon quarters and retire to the shower room in the latrine where we waited until summoned. When called we discovered that he had emptied every package and strewn the contents on the floor. We had 30 minutes to eat all we could then we had the clean up (and again spit shine the floors from scratch) Please remind me: Why are we calling this "humor"?
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In Combat Engineer basic and advanced infantry training at Fort Leonard Wood beginning in November 1974 our drill sergeants introduced us to the cut-away as a group punishment technique SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL. We would be rousted out of our aluminum barracks with banging on the door and then we rushed to formation on the asphalt. The command to assume front leaning rest - either met lots of pushups or a cut away. Most of the time we did lots of pushups for whatever infraction somebody did. Cut-aways were usually because somebody went AWOL.
Cut-away was going from front leaning rest to parade rest. I kept my head up so I bounced off my chin - still have scars. Those who hit their face had bloody noses and/or scratched faces.
Cut-away was going from front leaning rest to parade rest. I kept my head up so I bounced off my chin - still have scars. Those who hit their face had bloody noses and/or scratched faces.
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During basic training at Ft Knox Armor School we had a guy who loved to play practical jokes on all of us. We all decided one night to get him back. After he went to sleep, we decided to dental floss him to his bunk. He looked like a cocoon after we were done. You should have seen the drill sergeants reaction the next morning. We got dogged out at PT, but he was laughing as well as we were.
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